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Saturday, December 29, 2007

May her soul rest in peace!

So, she has been laid down to rest in her grave. The entire world watched and witnessed how loved and respected she was by the people here. Her party was practically the people's party – the only party in Pakistan that has his roots among people – unlike other ones that were originated from establishment or military.

I am neither her supporter nor of her ideologies, I am not even gonna vote for her party but as a human I believe that nobody deserves to be killed like that… no matter how bad, corrupt or whatever they are. God is up there to judge us all. As a person, I do admire her because of her education, intellect and other interpersonal skills.

And of course, it's clear that it was a deliberate cold-blooded murder by the notorious military agencies that were involved in murders of her brothers as well… that never wanted democracy to foster in our country… but this military establishment should know that the lacuna created by her death will keep widening with time – the repercussions of which might prove disastrous in future.

P.S. Everybody knows that Al-Qaeda's involvement story was a crap fed to the media.
Back to my old template as the new one needs more work… I have to make it more user-friendly as many readers had difficulty in reading posts because of the small font size and and undistinguishable color.

Friday, December 28, 2007

The year 2007 has been very unfortunate for Pakistan. What a tragic way to enter 2008! People were shocked first and then when it gradually sank in, they started mourning.
Families are glued to their seats in front of TV sets trying to make sense of all the mess. Everybody, even, who is not remotely interested in politics, is deploring the loss of Ms. Benazir Bhutto.

New Year parties are cancelled, brides are still in parlor – there is no way they can come out, weddings are ruined, panic-stricken families are desperately trying to connect to their members and thanks to the establishment for jamming the mobile signals! Along with the whole country, most of the areas of Karachi are in complete darkness as most of the street lights have been broken by the agitated mob.

A highly educated and intellectual person – an internationally acclaimed lady, first lady prime minister of Muslim world – pride of our country and what a calamitous unnatural death she met! No wonder, she was admired all over the country. South Asian leaders are known for getting brutally murdered and sadly, Bhutto family proved to be more unfortunate than Gandhi family. The reason I am mourning her death is that our country is getting devoid of educated and artistic people.

Poor jiya! Her wedding is ruined! At around 7 pm, I was heading towards her place when on the way, near main road I met a hysterical woman who signaled me to pull over and asked where I was going in such a horrible situation. I told her that my friend is getting married; I am going to her house because at this time she must be on her way to home from parlor. It was then she told me that Ms. Benazir has been assassinated and the situation is really critical and urged me to go back home. And I was like NO!!! Then her other family members appeared and explained. I returned home straightaway and on the way I tried calling jiya and saadi but the signals were jammed. My dad had to attend his nephew's valima but of course, it's been postponed.

The msn and facebook nicks make me realize that what a tired and desperate nation we have become!

Where is our happiness gone?

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Today's Quote

Books are not lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves
– Gilbert Highet

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Ohhh. I am wrapped warm in my little blanket and they are playing old rock songs on the radio, such good ones, led zeppelin, tool, foo fighters, and I don't want to step out of my comfort zone (pun intended :D) and break this moment.

And I have got Chekhov's Essential Plays on my lap and page 122 onwards, as marked by my bright-red liberty books bookmark, I can start to enjoy his third play Three Sisters before going to the land of Nod.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Jingle bells, jingle bells... jingle all the way!

Finally! Eventually!!! I am here with my new blog template... spent whole day messing with the html code. After working on it for 12 hours I am done now.... okay, i watched movie for approx two and half hours in between... :D. Well, still this template needs pruning which I'll do later. Right now I am very sleepy... so I am off to hit the sack now.

And before I forget, a merry xmas to all the christians out there.

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year

Goodnight!

Led Zeppelin Reunion

Led Zeppelin return to the stage

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7135200.stm

This is the best news so far... with selling an estimated of 300 million albums the band is regarded as the first heavy metal band and one of the best rock bands of all times. They incorporated rockabilly, reggae, soul, funk, jazz, classical, Celtic, Indian, Arabic, pop, Latin, and country in their rock-infused blues and folk genres.

After 26 years of disbanding, on December 10, 2007 the surviving members of Led Zeppelin reunited for the Ahmet Ertegün tribute show at The O2 in London.

Me and U talking about band's reunion:

me: members of led zeppelin got reunited
U: good! we'll have more stairways :p
me: yeah, to hell :p
U: no, we've got high speed elevators for that ;)

Here goes their greatest hit: Stairway To Heaven

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying the stairway to heaven
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying the stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven
Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it makes me wonder

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking
Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it really makes me wonder

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May Queen
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
And it makes me wonder

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our souls
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll

And she's buying the stairway to heaven

Monday, December 24, 2007

Coming back from Jiya's (Juvaria) mayon…. will upload pics later … am feeling tired and lazy to do that now

Imbued with shades of yellow, scented with sweet-smell of night-jasmines and roses – coming from gajras wriggling in soft wrists, tuned with melodic wedding songs…. the atmosphere was calling for celebration…. festivity was in the air and with every breathe the hearts bloomed with joy.

Happiness, my readers, is heartbeats harmonizing with the beats of dhol.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Mosques have become one of the most suitable places for suicide bombing in Pakistan. Along with goats and cows, around fifty humans were immolated today!
I wish I could hunt down those slayers who use young and innocent kids for suicide bombing and make sure they are stoned to death on Haj along with satan.

May Allah bless the souls of those who lost their lives in suicide bomb blast in mosque at Charsadda, Peshawar and punish those who are responsible for that!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Eid Greetings

Of all the texts I got for eid, this is one is the best :D.

May this eid blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah… So EID MUBARAK =p.

Wish you all a very blessed Eid!
Impulsive shopping is so therapeutic if only my parents could understand this! =D.

My new Capri pants with a white post-man style shirt and a stylish pair of boots to go with….. here I go lala laaa lalah!

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Our computer lab can be used as a studio for photography, a makeshift salon and even a disco club depending upon our moods… =p. Today we took around 200 pics considering the fact that me, muskan and sab won't be joining after eid vacations. The photo session continued almost whole day.

We bade farewell to each other amidst hugs and tears. My administrator even asked me to take back my resignation.

Despite of the fact that couple of my colleagues was real bitches; I had some real good time over there. The place was like my second home. We had stayed there till night….. whether we had to organize students' week, annual result day, farewell or welcome parties or other social events. Color day, Valentine's Day, Basant, somebody's birthday any other special day… we were the first and the foremost ones to mark it by wearing same colored dresses. Shopping and dressing up together for the occasion and texting each other at late hours to bring matching stuff…. it all was so much fun! It seemed like we were the students as once a mother commented that the picnic appeared to be arranged for the teachers after looking at the pictures.

And my students, they are so adorable. I still remember the way they used to thank me for helping them in their skits and plays and even their parents. And the days when they used to come to my place for project work….. my house had seemed to have gotten a life with them making noise and cracking jokes. And they were so excited about coming to their teacher's home. LOL!

It wasn't until 5 pm when I left the school with bittersweet memories.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Sajni

These days all TV and radio channels are rocking with Jal's new video Sajni. More than the song, it's the video which makes me watch it over and over again. Hats off to Bilal Lashari for his great work of imagination and art. It's simply amazing! I like the background scenery that depicts nature in a very artistic way. Inspired by fairytales, the video is very enchanting.

These lines got stuck in my head

Sajni paas buloa na, k dil ab toota hai
Sajan maan jao na, k wo rootha hai

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Today just wasn't my day!

Saturday, December 15, 2007

I am one of those weirdest species who would drink coffee even when the temperature is 40 degree Celsius and eat ice cream when the temperature is close to freezing point.

In bed, down with flu =(

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Today's Quote

He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money

-Benjamin Franklin

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Karachi had first spell of winter rain today. A light December drizzle lifted our spirits. The weather is cheery or is it me? Got three days off so will be making the most of them. I feel light as leaf and my soul is floating freely. Soon I'll be leaving a world behind and stepping into another as the New Year begins. I was almost into tears when kids asked me to stay.

Winter brings a lot to reminisce…. carrying thousand emotions in cold breeze.
Sitting on bed, wrapped in warm clothes and covered with a blanket, with a classic in a hand and mug of coffee in other.... a perfect modus operandi to while away lonely winter nights.

New Year is around the corner and for some reasons, I feel like singing this Bryan Adam's song:

It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of - young hearts
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for you
Here I am


And now, ladies and gentlemen!!! Here is the link to my first ever public interview:

Here I am :D

I am on cloud number 9 ;)

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Invigilation

It's totally inhumane to make kids sit transfixed at their seats for an hour and half. But I don't think I had choice. They were done with the paper in about an hour and after that, they were dying to communicate with their peers. At least, their teacher should have considered the time duration. An hour and half was enough.

I had told them to sleep or think about some good stuff they would be doing after exams but children, unlike us, prefer physical activities over mental. After a while they would raise their heads and look around for a chance to talk to classmates. They didn't realize the gravity of situation until I had written minus five on one's paper.

Their restless nature made me reminisce about the carefree and restless soul I once had. Time brings about a big change in us. Life becomes full of care and it becomes hard for us to retain our childlike qualities. Growing up is bad. We should prevent our children from growing up.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Celebrity at school

He's such a cutie! Hardly a month old BUT more popular than any OII or OIII girl, loved by teachers and students equally, apple of everyone's eye especially the vice-principal.

Yeah, he was discovered in the morning by me and N. Hungry and cold... he was shivering and running wildly. We took him to our computer lab where he was fed and sheltered and of course, photographed... by the three enthusiastic photographers: me, mehr and marium =p

He had a pretty big family that used to live at the backside of the school but sadly, the family members couldn't be found anywhere. Currently, he's at the mercy of montessori kids who try to crush him with their shoes... poor thing! So, muskan has become his guardian and so have many other teachers... LOL!

Any suggestions for the name?

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Breaking The Habit

This song struck home.

It's good to be bad sometimes though. =p

memories consume
like opening the wound
i'm picking me apart again
you all assume
i'm safe here in my room
[unless i try to start again]
i don't want to be the one
the battles always choose
cause inside i realize
that i'm the one confused

i don't know what's worth fighting for
or why i have to scream
i don't know why i instigate
and say what i don't mean
i don't know how i got this way
i know it's not alright
so i'm
breaking the habit
tonight

clutching my cure
i tightly lock the door
i try to catch my breath again
i hurt much more
than anytime before
i had no options left again

i don't want to be the one
the battles always choose
cause inside i realize
that i'm the one confused

i don't know what's worth fighting for
or why i have to scream
i don't know why i instigate
and say what i don't mean
i don't know how i got this way
i know it's not alright
so i'm
breaking the habit
tonight

i'll paint it on the walls
cause i'm the one at fault
i'll never fight again
and this is how it ends

i don't know what's worth fighting for
or why i have to scream
but now i have some clarity
to show you what i mean
i don't know how i got this way
i'll never be alright
so i'm
breaking the habit
breaking the habit
tonight

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Active volcano

I am not in my best moods these days. I get flared up easily. People have started noticing but I had noticed it well before anyone else had. May be it's the anger boiling up inside. I feel like I can't take anymore. Controlled rage, suppressed anger, withheld feelings – all these are erupting like lava from a volcano.

This is something that shouldn't happen. I had worked quite hard to learn self-control but I think we live in a cruel wicked world. People try your patience to no limit! My obnoxious colleague knowing my weakness doesn't miss a chance to vex me. Sadly, I have become hyper – sensitive also. Tears fill my eyes when I get comments that I am over reacting.

My coordinator called in and complained to mom about my attitude. Oh! Please, cut me some slack! I have been ill for quite a while and I have to finish all piled up work. I have to deal with cold attitudes of you people who assumed that I am not prone to making mistakes. Thank God, my mom understands all this!

I am really really happy that I have resigned… this is something I should have done two months before but unfortunately, I am not kind of person who gives up easily. I looked at my old pics and it's sad to discover that I have lost very much of my freshness and glow and spirit. Courtesy my colleagues and this work place!

Sunday, November 25, 2007

So, we are now out of commonwealth. Though emergency rule is not justified but the way things are happening here, I don't think any so-called democratic party would have been able handle it better than Musharraf. We need a person who can rule with an iron hand. Bhutto was the only true politician we had. He had political vision and foresight which many politicians including his daughter, don't have. Sadly, he is history now. Our politicians today can't see anything beyond their personal interests. There is no such word as 'national' in their dictionary. Musharraf, apparently a dictator, has contributed a lot in nourishing democracy in Pakistan. He introduced mayoral system and for the first time, we really have educated people in the cabinet. There has been a growth in financial sector and economy has expanded at its fastest clip. Macroeconomic environment has gained more strength while this government has paid attention to microeconomic finance as well. Anyone who has lived in Pakistan in 90's decade considers Musharraf's regime progressive than the previous regimes.

I can only hope that commonwealth leaders reconsider their decision of suspending Pakistan's membership.

Saturday, November 24, 2007


Happy Birthday, Farhat!
Let's cherish our seven years old friendship. Thanks for sticking to me thru all good and bad times :). Luv ya!
You know you are overworked when you wake up in the morning and realize that it's your friend's birthday who you forgot to call last night. You end up texting her with dozen apologies when you get a reply: thank you but its tomorrow =p

xunz: (in class) what date is today?
kid 1: it's 22nd
xunz: 22nd? Are you sure?
other kids: yes, ma'am! Today is 22nd.
xunz: *looks confused* wasn't it supposed to be 23rd today?...

later…
checks her cell and sees F's text:

F: thanks a dozen for waking up at 6 am, my birthday is tomorrow!
xunz: I'm so sorry…. I confused the dates :$
F: no honey, you broke all the records by wishing 18 hours earlier =p.
xunz: yeah, I'm known for that =D.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Dead tired!

Goodnight.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

My work place makes sure that I am surrounded by at least one person that makes me feel very very miserable. And at school it is none other than psycho freak N !!! She's a real cunning bitch! Plus unlearned and ignorant! I can't stand her spiteful behavior. She maneuvers things in such a way that you cannot comprehend. I wish I were shrewd like her. Why do nice people like Mamira quit school soon while snide ones like N and Sab, stay for long? O' Lord! Please have mercy!

Did I tell anyone that I resigned because of her? Fucking bitch!

P.S. I am feeling much better now =p

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The air is filled with sweet pleasant aroma of roses. Red, yellow, magenta roses along with white blooming tulips surrounded with fresh green buds and combined with their floral fragrance – this presents a sight of vernal bloom. Wrapped in lavender sheet and tied with pink ribbons that flutter with wind; this bouquet attracted attention of many.

It's impossible that you enter my room without gaping at this beautiful rose bouquet on the glass stand. It was given to me by my student Hamna today. My colleagues were quite fascinated by it. Some teachers asked if it was my birthday today. As for Hamna, the girl is really cute! She has great artistic and writing skills. I still have her self-composed poems and drawings. Besides, she is known for doing everything neatly. Only if I could put her picture here. Oh! How much I am going to miss her!

P.S. I will try to put pictures of all my students on this blog so that I will not forget them. I can even look back and recall how pleasant my life was with them.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Back!

Finally, I have resigned from the school. My notice period will end on December 2. Believe me; I feel much at ease now. My resignation created quite a stir in school management and colleagues speculated about reasons of quitting job. Who cares? LOL!

I see that I haven't blogged since quite a while and my readers have missed me. Now that, I have made some friends here in this blogosphere ….its feels great actually =). Nothing new happened in past 20 days except that I was ill. Life seems to be dragging on and I am desperately looking forward to December holidays. Also, Juvaria, is getting married at the end of December. Since I'll be free, I am really excited about it. The sad part is that she'll leave for UK in Jan. I have very few friends in this big world and I will miss her very much. Besides, Mamira is also going to New Zealand in June. I feel that I will be left alone once again.

I will be joining another school from Jan 1st, InshaAllah…. will miss my old students though. That’s how it goes. People come and people go…. and we keep moving on.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

To quit or not to quit.... that's the question!

Blogging from school....

I have got a class after 15 mins and I am feeling sleepy =(.
Yesterday, I slept like a baby... slept in the evening at 4 and woke up at 8 then slept again at 11 and woke up at 6 in the morning. Considering my over-sleeping rate i think i need another hibernation period. =p

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Tomorrow is off.
Tomorrow is off.
Tomorrow is off.

Yaaayyy!!! Thank you Benazir! =p

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

No wonder, our politicians are the best entertainers!

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Eid Mubarak

Mehndi, choorian, colored dupattas, smart attires, an air of celebration and joy – all these are the constituents of Eid.

A happy and blessed Eid to all!

Kahan Hai Tu

Just watched ep's video kahan hai tu on the musik, it makes me sad that the band is not anymore. We had a really cool rock music scene in 2003-04 with ep, noorie and fuzon; rocking the whole nation, even our neighbor also. How cool were the days – singing aloud all ep and noorie songs while sitting together or walking up to the uni gate, spending hours and hours online at their forums, waiting for their gigs and all, listening to their songs million times while studying… life surely, was a bliss! Because of these guys cosmopolitan karachiites actually started watching paki channels. These guys did not only set trends by their videos but also proved that there is more to music than love duets about the fairer sex.

I really miss ep; their music had substance and depth which, many mainstream bands don't have. Of course, the credit goes to xulfi as ep was his brain child but sadly, xulfi is also responsible for band's breakup. Well, the call also rocks but now, we are at the mercy of our pop singers once again – their cheesy songs and glossy videos is all we have to put up with.

Roz roz yeh fasley
Lamha lamha barhney lagey
Bekhudi keh who raastey
Aur hum usee par chal diye

Soch ke saari who batein
Hum usee pe roh diye
Aaj to yeh haal hai
Keh zindagi hum pai hansey

Yeh zindagi teray wastey
Yeh himmat meray haath mein
Yeh chehray meray chehray pai
Yeh saansey

Dheeray Dheeray yeh zindagi
Nafraton mein kho gayee
Yeh aasmaan aur yeh zameen
Aaj hai to kal naheen

Yeh zindagi teray wastey
Yeh himmat meray haath mein
Yeh chehray meray chehray pai
Yeh saansey

Kahan Hoon Mein
Kahan Hai Tu
Kia Hai Yeh Zindagi

Kahan Hoon Mein
Kahan Hai Tu
Kyoon Hoye Ajnabee

Living in the world of hypocrisy
The lies and the deceit
The one who shall rule us all
Will be the one and only one

Watch out! The lyrics that I flow
On your marks... get set go
I’m a white boy comin straight from the L town
Keeping it real I’m a spawn of the underground
I’m the one you hate I’m the one you fear
I’m the voice that whispers inside your ear
Cut ya open deep inside
When ya know what I speak everything is right
Freedom is all that counts
The more you push me the more I'll bounce
Bounce, bounce I said bounce boy
To Base to the kick to the rhythm I deploy
Where ya gonna run where ya gonna hide
When I grab the microphone I say what I like
We're the people of the never ending breed
I am what I am and I am free.

Kahan Hoon Mein
Kahan Hai Tu
Kia Hai Yeh Zindagi
Kahan Hoon Mein
Kahan Hai Tu
Kyoon Hoye Ajnabee

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Goodbye Inzi

So, we all bade farewell to Inzi amidst claps and tears. It was a heartbreaking moment to watch him deliver his speech. Sixteen years of cricket history seemed to be contained in that moment. My dad was so touched when he requested robin to speak in urdu to the crowd. Many were on the verge of tears including yours truly. I was hoping he would break miandad's record but then as he said that his heart was so full that the match seemed really difficult today. Yeah, we are a passionate and an emotive nation.

No wonder, he is a cricket legend – we wish him all the best! May Allah bless him!

Back to school

I went to school on Monday after a week off and trust me, I felt good. The only thing I like about this school is my students. It makes your heart burst with happiness when little kids come and ask about your health. Not to mention the plethora of eid cards and teacher's day cards I got. Even my old students brought me cards. Children are strange, interesting little creatures. The more I am strict with them, the more they seem to like me.
May be it's because I talk about their favourite things during free units and take interest in their activities. Trust me; I know all about their favourite cartoons, movies, books, tv shows – indoor, outdoor, computer, play station games. LOL!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Finally, I am breathing again. As time passes, you learn to live with all the hard facts. Though I have nothing to cherish, nothing to hope for – nothing… but to live for present. Well, it's not bad after all… who knows how long I am going to live? =)

And I got 7 days off for eid holidays… this calls for celebration!

Monday, October 08, 2007

It sounds funny when you come to know that some people are still joining orkut…yes, when the majority of the population has moved to face book. After discovering that my IT colleagues didn't know about gmail, orkut (forget mirc, blogs, youtube, firefox, froogle etc etc), I have come to realize that there are people (mostly around me, unfortunately) who are way too behind the time. Living in an Asian third world country, you can expect this though at times, it becomes annoying beyond endurance!

Did I say that I am quitting my job?

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Tears keep filling up my eyes, though I have cried pretty much already. Why do I have to go thru all kinds of pain? Few days ago, I said that I won't be able to survive if I have to live my life over again but now I think I don't have enuff strength left to search for the last hope to go on.

People shrouded in lies and falsehoods, kaleidoscope into oblivion, I keep tumbling around those unknown truths and known 'untruths' that have entangled tender threads of my soul but like a mute, I bear it all... without being able to speak up for myself.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Sorrow grows on your soul like fungus and consumes it like parasite – crumbling your very existence with in. People so close – yet so distant, finally disappear into infinite darkness as the distance widens. What surrounds me is a labyrinth of inarticulate facts, lingering doubts, fears and insecurities clouding my mind. Everything seems so hazy and confusing. Dreams appear so clear and at hand – realities so vague and remote….. like in a state of reverie. So lost and hurt, I want to creep inside my hole. With eyes closed, I wish I could rest in the arms of Morpheus!

Monday, October 01, 2007



As friendless after eighteen years, as lone as on my natal day
Emily Bronte (I am the only being, 1836)

Today's thought

If wishes were horses....



If wishes were horses,
beggars would ride
If turnips were swords,
i'd wear one by my side
If 'ifs' and 'ands' were pots and pans,
there'd be no need for tinkers' hands"

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Why am I finding it hard to accept that I am one unlucky soul?
Trust me, if I have to live my life over again, I don't believe that I could survive it.

Can I have my razor blade please?

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Rapid fire!

Tagged by muskan. Fill in with whatever comes in your mind.

Love: - abstract
Life: - sucks
Hot: - George Clooney nowadays
Desire: - dreams
Pain: - unbearable
Unforgettable: - memories
Dearest: - friend
Latest crush: - Pepsi
Me: - honest

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

We lost =(

We fought back....we were soooo close to victory BUT!!!
Sadly Pakistan lost AGAIN! But we played well... it was just plain bad luck that Misbah-ul-Haq got out. Yeah, one man against whole indian team or to quote Ramiz "Misbah-ul-Haq vs. India" =p. He rocked!!! I think the guy deserves tremendous praise and just a medallion won't do that.

Pakistani team made a great come back after getting knocked out in the last world cup. We won against aussies and made it to the final which is, quite an achievement. But losing match against your rival country is always a bitter experience for a proud nation like us. Anyways, according to the statistics, we have never won against India in world cups since 1975. Sigh!!! So much for this T20 world cup!

Friday, September 21, 2007

Out of three sixty five days a year, three sixty days I remain ill due to flu. This time it was stomach that got really upset. Well, now that I am getting better, I realize it wasn't bad after all. Spent three days at home and believe me it was a relief! I did nothing except for reading or watching tele. I guess that's what I needed – a break from my school's politically charged environment. My colleagues were giving me hard time AGAIN and even muskan appeared to be diplomatic. Sometimes, I think about resigning and take a short professional break just like vea. I intend to join mimi's school. It's a small primary school but would suit me. They have few kids as it was opened recently and the environment is relaxing. I feel that I am not ambitious anymore or may be because of my bitchy colleagues, I feel like I am getting wasted. I can't start a new activity for my students without tackling their resistance and opposition. The only reason I am sticking to this school is because of my students. But nobody should be dedicated like me. We live in a cruel mean world.

The other reason for me becoming less ambitious is that my rukhsati is bit uncertain. I can't think of starting something that I cannot finish. Sometimes, I wonder about my future. I don't understand what I really want, to establish career? Or to settle down?

I wish I could make things go my way. Only if wishes were horses…

Saturday, September 15, 2007

I wish I could

Tell N that:

• She is suffering from inferiority complex because me, being of the same age, is more accomplished than her. =)
• I am a graduate, not someone who flunked in intermediate exams which makes her only matric qualified, and got job on merit not by flaunting and flattering my employer.
• I have a purpose in life not like her whose sole purpose is to get dressed and discuss other's life.
• I mind my own business unlike her who is nosy and is always criticizing others.
• I hate people with impaired English! (So, please don't text me asking what does means ejaculation? Ha!)
I hate people with 'holier than thou' attitude. In fact, I despise them and wish they could die soon. Why don't people just mind their own business?

My colleague N, apart from being an illiterate paindoo wannabe, is extremely judgmental especially when it comes to me! She never misses a chance to show animosity towards this humble being. What she said today was kinda expected from her. She called me Christian just because I don't pray and fast. Duh! Look, who is talking! I mean, seriously! Two years ago she was as pagan as me. Now, that her 'boy friend' has converted her into Muslim, she thinks she is the holiest of all. Will somebody please tell her that having a boy friend is not considered sacred in Islam? I wish I could be more assertive. Wish could her tell that God, up there, doesn't judge people until their lives are over.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Yesterday was parent–teacher conference at school. It was same as the previous four ones except that this meeting was scheduled quite early. I had nothing to discuss with parents as there had been no tests at school to assess kids' performance. For parents of new girls, it was an introductory meeting. The meeting went smoothly except of for one girl's father who talked in a very ill-mannered way for punishing his daughter. That man was a loser! He didn't even let me speak and was talking bullshit. He went like I am paying huge amount of money for my daughter and blah blah. SO??? I mean, seriously it has nothing to do with me! And he didn't stop at that. He started assaulting verbally ma'am R, in presence of her nieces =p, just because I took her daughter to madam's office and she punished her. I had no option but to defend ma'am R. God forgive me for saying that ma'am R is actually a very polite and sweet lady! =D After I had enuff of his crap, I lost my patience (though not cool) and reminded him politely that his beloved daughter is actually repeating the class since she flunked badly in her majors. My readers, you should have seen his face! Now what would you expect from an illiterate moron? A pathetic excuse! O' yes! According to him it was due to the teachers that his child flunked. LMAO!

When he left, I was totally ticked off. I was in no mood to talk to anyone but parents kept coming to me till 2 pm though meeting was supposed to be over at 1 pm. Most parents, who wanted to see me, were of grade 4 girls, partly because I am their new computer instructor and partly because of my strict attitude. I told them that my teaching style is a little bit different as it emphasizes more on concepts than written notes. Honestly, this new batch of grade 4 consists of spoil brats! Their previous computer teacher was quite professional and she didn't bother to work on child's understanding of computer. Besides, she wasn't a bit interested in maintaining class discipline. The kids roam, talk and drink water even when the teacher is present. I am having difficult time with these girls. I lose my temper quickly when I am teaching them. Besides, I explained to parents that why they should let their girls use internet at home. Their apprehensions were typical ones but after my reasoning many of them agreed. I was happy for the meeting turned out to be productive in the end. Samahir's mom loved me for solving her child's communication problem. I told her to buy a journal for her so that she can write down her feelings.

When meeting was over, meher and I discussed that discourteous father as he censured meher also for marking late work in his child's copy. My throat was dry and my voice was hoarse. I had talked constantly for four hours. Before leaving school we had a talk with management and I happily told ma'am R, the wonderful things the father said about her. =p

Friday, September 07, 2007

Books I bought:

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall – Anne Bronte
The Age of Innocence – Edith Wharton
Of Love and Other Demons – Garcia Marquez
Madame Bovary – Gustav Flaubert
Villette – Charlotte Bronte
Principle Centered Leadership – Stephen Covey

Thursday, September 06, 2007

I am happy today. Things are getting better at school though not people. Can you imagine? Fifteen or twenty days before, I was totally messed up…. trying hard to hold on. At one point, I felt like killing myself or may be it was flu that was killing me or may be it was stress, whatever! Who cares anyway? Life is just a series of ups and downs … with prolonged down phases and short up ones (which leads me to the conclusion that life is a bitch =p). And since I am lucky enough to have this spell of good fortune, I'll try to make the most of it.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Why is everybody ignoring me? =(

Monday, September 03, 2007

Happy Birthday, Mamira

As we mark your birthday, I can't help cherishing the beautiful moments that spring from the fountains of our friendship. Can't believe that four months ago, we were totally strangers working at the same place and prolly hating each other =p (we belonged to two rival groups) and now that, we are friends, it seems like we have known each other for ages. This goes out to you, along with the birthday cake, of course! =D

Our friendship adds light
to the shadows of living
it shares the rich bounty
and harness of giving

it leads us remember
and never forget
the treasure of faith sent
long ago when we met
Things I didn't do yesterday:

1. Stayed at home
2. Saved money (Oh! Books are so expensive)
3. Checked copies (no, no … no)
4. Worked on my planner (sigh!)
5. Wrote articles (been procrastinating since long)
6. Danced at farewell (I so wanted to! There should some place for teachers' performance)

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Happy Moments

• Spending whole day with a friend who understands you (that's mimi)
• Shopping for books from liberty
• Realizing that you have enough books that can last for 6 months
• Knowing that someone you hate was humiliated by the students at farewell (you know who I am talking about)

A minute of silence:

For all those who got killed in bridge-collapse near PAF Masroor Base. Another incident proving insensitivity of our government officials, I wish they were there, driving, when it collapsed. Seriously! I wish the people concerned had taken proper quality control measures in construction of the bridge. I wish no heavy vehicle had been allowed to pass over.

It's sad that we were hanging out, shopping and partying when others were mourning over the deaths of their dear ones, but this is how it goes. Still I feel bad for them especially those who got mutilated. Life will be never same for them. I wish for silver lining in this heavy cloud of gloom and despair.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Sometimes reality strikes you hard. Acceptance becomes difficult. Not that my life is not fucked up already, I have: parents who don't understand me or they don't want to, colleagues who are bitchy as ever, dreams that have been shattered and crushed, a flu that is consuming me and has left me atrophied. But these are not enough for Him, up there! More miseries, that's what I am fated to have. Its moments like these I need razor blade for reassurance.

People say, on this shab-e-barat, our kismet is decided and responsibilities are assigned to angels to carry out things as been determined. In my case, I can safely assume that more hardships will be added in my lot in life. I am cursed! No hope to go on. I just don't want to live anymore.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Monday, August 27, 2007

A solitary walk at terrace

On this full-moon night the cloudy starless sky seems to be glowing with life. The terrace is bathed in milky moonlight giving it a picturesque view. How beautiful the night is indeed, with cool zephyr twirling my hair and blowing my mind. A thousand thoughts originated and were carried away by the wind.

Wireless communication is a wonderful thing. Having an insightful conversation with someone you feel connected is a perfect thing to end the day with. Thanks Mimi. =)

Good night!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Six months, twenty-six days. Even being so far apart, he has been an integral part of my life, my daily routine. I probably made the wrong decision. But if it is meant to be, it’ll come together again. Different place, different time.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Finally, I managed to get time to read Jean Sasson's Daughters of Arabia which I burrowed from Mimi a week ago. I am finding it a bit difficult to cope with the added responsibilities of wife and daughter-in-law. Being a daughter, in itself, is quite a tough job in a country like ours. With each passing day, I feel like I am losing a part of myself as the responsibilities of work and family keep pouring in. Maybe that's what growing up is all about. Managing the responsibilities! And I am just in the learning phase.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Pics of Independence Day celebration at our school. Ours, perhaps, was the only school that remained open on 14th (as well as on 15th) to mark this day.






Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Yom-e-Azadi =)

A beautiful sunny day with shades of green everywhere in sight and a clean blue sky harboring a thousand emotions in its breeze. The air is crisp and as the wind rustles, it carries songs of unsung heroes. Happy Independence Day to all!

Monday, August 13, 2007

Getting organized

Monday morning is going to be the first day of school for most of the kids. The academic session will begin actually (not officially) from 20th of this month. Since I had nothing better to do tonight, I rummaged through my bag and discovered that my school bag is basically a garbage carrier. I cleaned it, threw all empty wrappers of bubble gums and papers, and then loaded it with all school-teacher's paraphernalia.

Things in my bag:

1. A small notebook
2. Stationery
3. A pad of sticky (post-it) notes
4. A pair of scissors
5. Some rubber bands
6. A highlighter
7. A stapler
8. Some paper pins
9. Some painkillers
10. Wallet
11. Stick deodorant
12. An eye pencil and a lipstick... though I rarely use them =p

How true!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Today's Thought

Why waste a perfectly good flower when you know...
he loves you not

Pms-ed

I am feeling down. Every now and then, someone bursts my bubble. I want to creep up into my hole.

I hate people! I wish I could put them in chopper and chop up into million pieces or put them in a cauldron and boil them to death.

Don't know what's wrong with me. Things are far better than before. My birthday rocked. The weather is awesome today. My bitchy colleagues are trying hard to be nice to me. We seem to be getting along well. Still, I feel like hating people. I think I must have been a sadist or serial killer or psychopath in my previous life.

As sis analyzes that when I don't have anything to worry about I go into a state of depression. She infers that since my mind is used to the feelings of tension it cannot cope with the lacuna created by these feelings when tension is relieved.

Well, right now I am not coming down with massive depression. In fact, depression has little to do with the perfectly normal experience of 'feeling a bit depressed'.

I want to fight but people are behaving for a change. I fought with sis and she said sorry to me. I was rude to my husband and he was like ' I'm sorry, I hurt you?' Mother have mercy! What's wrong with the people? 'Its bitchiness personified!' That's what U said. Yeah, I am being bitchy and want to fight. Till then, this song of nirvana rocks:

Load up on guns, bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over bored and self assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low?

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay, a denial

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

Hello, hello, hello, how low?

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay, a denial

And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it was hard to find
Oh well, whatever, never mind

Hello, hello, hello, how low?

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay, a denial

Saturday, August 11, 2007

It annoys me…..

Why does my husband become smart aleck when his parents are around?
The decision to re-open schools from 9th August by the wise people of education ministry didn't prove to be correct. They had to announce closing schools on Friday due to heavy rainfall that left the city in tatters.

I think this news made my day. What else do you want after staying up whole night talking to friends who called just to wish you? A whole day to sleep! Yeah! Though my plans to go out with friends were ruined along with the city, but it was all good. Sorry, DN I couldn't make it today.

Almost all my colleagues wished me including my rivals also =). Muskan was the first one to call and then it was sheeb, with who I talked for almost an hour. In the meantime, friends keep texting in complaining of course, for keeping phone busy for so long, besides wishing. After that, I logged in to check my scrapbook and wall. Then it was madmax, whose call came as a surprise. I mean, seriously! Of all the people, I wasn't expecting him to call leaving aside wishing me. Some friends! =)

Slept at 4 am, and then woke up at around one, noon. Kept lazing around… more messages… more calls, special messages and special calls from family and family ++, LOL!

P.S. Did I mention birthday treat? =D

Friday, August 10, 2007

Rainy Birthday

As the city was drenched in rain last night, my birth night was drenched by a continuous blizzard of birthday wishes that keep pouring in till 3 a.m.

Thanks and love to all those who remembered and called in or texted =)

And to those who forgot to wish – just don't forget my gift = p.

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Today's Quote

Dreams, books, are each a world.

-Wordsworth

Friday, August 03, 2007

God up there is experimenting on my feelings. I am missing someone I barely know. It's strange.

This goes out to you. Sorry, I cancelled your call. It was by mistake.

Dur jo aaj hein
Yaad atey to hein
Khwaab adhoorey sahi
Khwaab saharey to hein

Aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hein
Yaadein teri daaman khenchti hein
Bhool chuke hein jo humein
Yaad atey to hein

Saddiyon k fasle aaj hein darmian
Ho jain magar jitni bhi dooryan

Aap jahan bhi rahein
Aap hamarey to hein
Khwaab adhoorey sahi
Khwaab saharey to hein

Aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hein
Yaadein teri daaman khenchti hein
Bhool chuke hein jo humein
Yaad atey to hein

Jaaney kab milein terey merey raastey
Aas tootey nahi yaad itna rahey

Raat dhalni to hai
Aaney ujaley to hein

---- Khwaab by Junoon

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Shaheer

My lovely friend's (Mimi's) lovely son. A cute, happy-go-lucky chap!





My teaching job is making me love kids. LOL!
Mimi dropped by today. She is one of the amazing ladies at school and pretty much level-headed. And yeah, she has read more books than I have! =) I always enjoy being with her and like her kids: lougene and shaheer; both are lovely!

We had great time together. It's nice to open up to someone who understands you and is not into worldly things. I think I have been lucky with friends. She gave me some good advices regarding married life. Married women talk! =p

To Whom It May Concern…

Asking almost everyone in the party to take my snap is not cool. Though I enjoy attention as much as you like taking my photographs =p, but please, I had other things to do as well at the dinner than posing for your pictures. And if I didn't say anything, it was just because I was being polite and you were trying my patience. Apart from being your wife who you can not take home (since its only nikah), I am a mean and horrible person and can be really bitchy if you keep trying to mess with me.

Why do girls enter into marriage with romantic ideas?

Thursday, July 26, 2007

A dream…

Sitting in a car at night, she looked around. The houses marked the residential area of the campus. Nobody was there and it was a full moon night.

The house she entered presented a look of medieval era. The lounge consisted of sofas having waxen upholstery, rich carpet and lamps. She found her little sis lying down on the sofa. She moved past the dining room and opened the door to find another lounge almost same as the previous one. Another lounge appeared when she opened the door. The house was a labyrinth of similar rooms. She seemed lost.

Standing near the door of what appeared to be a drawing furnished with modern furniture, she saw her classmates watching TV. They were three in all, with two being her friends. She immediately recognized them as: Eddie (who had recently married his girlfriend), Lamba and Syed'z. She asked Lamba to show the way thru the house. He immediately stood up. Typical of him, she thought and smiled. They left the drawing room thru another way out and entered dining room. It was also richly furnished with a modish look.

Lamba showed her what she was looking for - a garden where her wedding would take place.

She found herself sitting in some restaurant-looking place with her two lady friends: uffera and nazia. Nazia, who was sitting on her right, was making gestures. She turned left and saw her bitchy colleague S. No doubt, that bitch was telling something about her to nazia. Then S rushed to uffera and told the same thing in her ear. She heard it but pretended to ignore. Enraged, she gulped down pepsi and left with Lamba who had come to take her.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

All those lucky souls, who have read J.K. Rowling's last book The Deathly Hollow, are requested to keep the matters of the book secret.

I remember last time; my junior Xeni asked me if I had read the book and when I told him that I had just started, he was like Oh! Dumbledore mar gaya hai!!! And I was totally devastated. So, please people don't ruin our suspense and fun this time, we can wait but please don't tell us the tale.

Some hopeful thoughts of the day:

1. I will get tickets to watch KKL (Khuda Ke Lye) at Cineplex
soon, given current situation with all cinemas are house full,
it would be a month before I'll manage to get one.
2. Sis will present me The Deathly Hollow on my birthday
3. My husband will buy me ipod for my birthday.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Married Bliss

I am now what they call nikah shuda =D. Spent whole Saturday dozing off. Last two days before nikah were quite hectic. Apart from being busy I was sleepless and restless. And Friday was completely full with the nuptial things…. bridal, makeover and whatnot. Finally, it's all done now. Thank God everything went fine.

The pivotal moment in my life was when I was signing papers. For someone pagan like me (yeah, that's what U thinks =D), I had never imagined that I'll go thru what my friends had called it - a spiritual nirvana. Almost all my friends and cousins asked me to pray for them after breaking the news that angels come down at the very time of nikah.

I remember my elder mamoo coming along with maulvi sahib, my parents and second mamoo in the bride room. They all appeared to be in hurry since time was quarter to 12. I started breathing deeply. I didn't hear a single word my elder mamoo (both mamoo were the witnesses) had said when he came for permission. Then he said loudly: jawab do and everybody started looking at me … tears started running down my cheeks. I just nodded and saw sis T weeping. But when I had nodded for the second time, my mamoo was like you have to say 'yes'. So, third time I said jee and then with tearful eyes I looked at mom sitting beside me, she was crying and I tried to hold her hand but she rushed to her cousin. It was over! No pictures taken! Maybe because of the sanctity of the moment or that's what I was told. I signed the papers (hope my all signatures match) and prayed for muskan. When all men had left, my cousins rushed to my side telling me to stop weeping as it would ruin my otherwise perfect make-up. Then I heard maulvi sahib praying outside and it was then I went thru this eccentric feeling. I silently prayed for everybody – starting from my friends and cousins and ending with my sisters and family. My brain was processing quickly – first their faces appeared and their problems. Though I didn't utter a word but my whole being was in state of prayer. I even prayed for my bitchy rival colleague S and her less bitchy friend N and sab, who had also contributed in making my life hell at school. But then, I didn't feel any animosity. It was as if my soul has suddenly become devoid of evil emotions. A catharsis! I am not sure if angels were present on the earth but I definitely wasn't!

P.S. No feeling of goodwill towards them now =p. Especially after registering the news that S called muskan all the way from thatta or from some godforsaken place on the event's night, just to make sure that muskan wasn't invited along with her. And after discovering my boutique that desperate wannabe has started shopping from there as well. I'll get back at her soon!!!

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Ladies and Gentlemen! The bride is here :)

With due thanks to goshi ;)





With cousins riba and momi


Friday, July 20, 2007

I can't believe that I am typing with my mehndi-coated fingers. It's going to be the big day in the morning. My heart is full. My mind is restless. To enter into a life-time relationship with someone you barely know is not easy.

Sometimes, I wonder why God created me that way. Why do I always think about others before taking any decision in case it might not hurt them?

I devoted almost whole day to mehndi. First went to Tahira's place as she is back in town, to give invitation. This woman is getting prettier with time. Her daughter is as adorable as she was before (check in archives). After that, muskan and I headed for Meena Bazaar for mehndi.

Monday, July 16, 2007

After much procrastination, I decided to give invitations to my friends, something I had intended to do on phone before. Went to Jav's place first where I, Saadi and Jav had great time talking and I had almost forgotten my appointment with Sheeb. From politics to my wedding, we talked about almost everything in an hour and half. Starting from a smaller sphere of life that is, my wedding; the conversation moved swiftly to bigger spheres that is, what is happening to other people around us and then finally to our country's politics. The hottest issue Lal Masjid became the topic of debate between the three of us with me and Jav, being pro-Mush and Saadi, being anti. It was an interesting discussion as nobody supported Ghazi brothers. That's where moderate Pakistanis stand average. Though they don't support Ghazi brothers' radical views about Islam but they aren't happy about the way Musharraf tackled the perilous matter.

After saying goodbye to these goodie goodie girls I went to meet Sheeb. Pak Towers is the only place where Sheeb and I like to hang out together.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Top 5 signs you should call for a breakup:

• He is screwing some polish girl in UK
• He keeps promising to marry but it's been 3 years (there's no use sticking to that old bad lot)
• He has stopped calling, you call him now
• He keeps bossing about (and don't quit your job when he asks to)
• He takes you for granted and tries to emotionally blackmail when you ask him to split up

When going gets tough it's no use to keep going. It's better to be single than being hooked up with losers.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

You know that point in your life when you have to choose between your dreams and the dreams of those around you. Since I have decided in favor of the latter, I can't help thinking about my supposedly 'new' life. My life has always been a labyrinth full of hazy turns.

Why? If… ? I have stopped asking questions, the answers to which I am sure, I will never get.

It's hard to pursue your goal of happiness when others are not happy with it. Maybe that's what I like to think because I can't take a stand for myself and I never will. For others, I am always willing and able. Can't comprehend this! My skills and services have always been for philanthropy.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Hail Roger!

He has done it! He has done it! Five titles in a row!!!
And eleven Grand Slams! Yaaay…
Oh, Lord! It was such a thrilling match.



"To hold the trophy is always the best thing." - Federer

Friday, July 06, 2007

Finally I am done with writing names on the cards. Well, I did make some blunders because it all seems so confusing when you have to write only 'Mr.' or 'Mrs.' for some guests, I mean why don't these people find a mister or mistress for themselves so that my job could be more easier?

My father has a great choice. I like the design …it looks artistic.



Thursday, July 05, 2007

Dilemma

Why do we keep running into people we don't want to meet?

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

What hurts the most…..

My legs hurt. My feet hurt. My arms hurt. My shoulders hurt and worst of all is the heartache!

Things to do:

1. Take care of my diet
2. don't stay up whole night… yes, I am insomniac
3. think about taking driving test, seeing as I'm 23 with no permit nor license
4. stop thinking about how fucked up my life is… because that's the way things are right now…remember your tarot card reading xuni?


It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

Water poisoning!

Another month passed and I didn't write anything for my students. The story still lingers in my mind. Anyways, today was just another rotten day of my life. I have plenty of such days, in fact all of them are worse with few exceptions, so this one will be rated on the lowest level because I had a nice time talking to muskan and I told her things that I never told anyone at school. Yeah, I know I stepped out of my carapace but readers; I do that sometimes when I feel it's hard to pretend I am okay.

Karachiites are going through weird moods of Nature. Today's weather was awfully hot and humid. We went to uni though I told muskan that I am not interested in submitting form for a year old degree, but she considered it necessary and since she also had to get claim form, I agreed to go. What happened there and what we suffered is useless to describe as anyone who has studied in or even entered ku, which includes almost everyone in Karachi, has known tragedy. Some things never change about ku!

On getting home, I discovered that mom wants to go shopping with sis and I am supposed to go along. But the 'ultra-hygienic' water I drank from cooler there caused incessant vomiting so I was spared the torment of walking after marathon walk at uni.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Matrimony

Ladies and gentlemen! I am going to announce the news that I registered nine hours ago. Here it is: It has been decided and settled finally that I am going to get married exactly after eighteen days that is, on Friday, 20th July, 2007.

All I need is time… a couple of more years, but it's hard to explain these things to your parents especially if you have an ailing father. That's why I didn't argue much this time.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

I saw this while bloghopping and decided to do it myself:

1. Where is your cell phone? here
2. Relationship? single
3. Your hair? black
4. Work? teaching
5. Your sister? annoying
6. Your favorite thing? shopping
7. Your dream last night? Excel sheet =)
8. Your favorite drink? Pepsi
9. Your dream car? Porsche
10. The room you’re in? bedroom
11. Your shoes? beige
12. Your fears? betrayal
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? accomplished
14. Who did you hang out with this weekend? friends
15. What you’re not good at? expressing myself
16. Muffin? corn
17. One of your wish list items? iPod
18. Where you grew up? KSA
19. The last thing you did? phone
20. What are you wearing? shirt
21. What aren’t you wearing? shoes =p
22. Your pet? none
23. Your computer? fast
24. Your life? smooth
25. Your mood? blue
26. Missing? you know =)
27. What are you thinking about right now? school
28. Your car? suzuki
29. Your kitchen? clean
30. Your summer? hot
31. Your favorite color? black
32. When is the last time you laughed? don't know
33. Last time you cried? yesterday evening
34. School? graduation
35. Tag? friends

Monday, June 04, 2007

Sometimes I wonder that why I am so resistant to intimacy. I tend to run away from anyone who tries to be close as if doing this would save me from getting hurt. May be I am afraid. I don't want to trust anyone… not anymore! I know this disappoints my friends but I am just that type of person. Like a turtle, I keep moving along my course but when someone comes close, I hide inside that carapace of self-regard.

Friday, May 18, 2007

For the first time in two weeks, I managed to smile.
I am breathing again. =)

She came up smiling after getting through it all.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Chali hai shehar mein kaisi hawa udasi ki
sabhi ne orh rakhi hai rida udasi ki
-Ahmed Faraz

Saturday, May 12, 2007

After registering the news that today is off, I am unable to sleep. It's such a beautiful day today. The sweet sound of cuckoos, the cool morning breeze and the cloudy sky – Nature couldn't be more kind! Nothing is better than staying up and greeting this cheery morning.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Today's Quote

It is impossible to love and to be wise.

-Francis Bacon

Sunday, April 29, 2007

I Moved Your Cheese

A new addition to my bookshelf! Bought it today with Sheeb, its cheesy title attracted our attention first and then the writer's claim that the book serves as a guide for lazy people.

It is not even necessary to read this book. Simply buying it and keeping it displayed in a prominent position will make you a brighter, happier and more desirable person.
- Darrel Bristow-Bovey

I think with seven untouched books already deposited on my shelf, this is the one that serves my purpose correctly. =D

Friday, April 27, 2007

These days I am pondering my mental state because I am experiencing mood swings more and more frequently. One minute I'll be ecstatic with happiness and then suddenly in the next, it's as though my world has collapsed around me and left me to pick up the pieces on my own. Its times like these I feel overwhelmed and need caffeine or the sharp reassurance of a razor blade to let me come back down.

I have started cutting again and if these circumstances continued I think I would start smoking as well. It's hard to carry on when the people around don't understand you so why waste time in telling them all? Those who say that sharing lessens the pain are fucking liars. Only it makes you vulnerable and exposed to exploitation. I don't need their sympathy or forced concerns or hollow words of consolation, because there really is nothing wrong with me. I simply have an overactive imagination who likes to paint a picture in the worst light possible.
"Mind disorder? Preposterous! Drama queen. Stop acting it up."

So I just smile and bear it all alone. You wouldn't be able to guess the kind of emotions churning behind this façade of giggles. Now while typing and listening to this song, I solace my despondency with tears.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Things I should be doing today:

checking grade 5 test papers
checking copies (have got piles of them)
completing planner
cleaning my room

Heck! Lazy me, get off the pc zuni and start working!
My fingers touched the keys and the thoughts disappeared. May be it's because I have said it all to a friend (or stranger for that matter), things that I should be writing in my blog. It's been quite long since I had been open with someone. Thanks for staying up and listening to all the crap (pseudo-intellectual crap, how's that?). Hope it didn't cause you headache.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

I just don't understand this feeling of insecurity that engulfs me when someone asks about my blog link. I am still reluctant to sharing and resistant to intimacy. I have build so high walls around myself that no one can peek through.

Not even trojan horse can enter.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Things I did today:
  1. slept for 11 hours.
  2. slept again for 2 hours.
  3. okay mostly that's it.
  4. but I still feel tired
  5. and my foot hurts
  6. and its swollen
  7. due to excessive walking
  8. sad!

Sunday, April 15, 2007

The Picnic

Tired, exhausted, and drained! That's all I can blog today. The kids and their teachers [;)], had a blast. I will upload pictures later.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

As the kids have finally registered the news that they are going to have a picnic at the farm house; they all are fully excited and in high spirits. From the dresses to the food, they have talked about everything.

Monday, April 09, 2007


As dad reminded, today completes one year of living in this new residence and still I don't feel like this is home.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

And here are more:

A closer view of Class 5A's display board


Hadia of Class 5A presenting her models


Class 5C students explaining their project work

Tooba of Class 5A explaining input devices


Okay, some pictures of project competition are in order:

Midhat and Roomana explaining their project work


Class 5A students explaining their project work (Hareem in front, Hadia on right, Hafsa at the back and Tooba behind)

(From left) Farwa, Saba and Midhat of Class 5C


Class 5B's models: flat-screen monitor, keyboard, paddle and webcam

A close view of class 5C's display board

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Okay, to celebrate victory a little more, me and A bought two stuff toys: a bunny and a teddy bear. After Mr. Fluffoo and Pinkoo, I have named them as Mr. Bunny and Mr. Teddy until I could think of something better.

P.S. Did I mention that Saba's mom hugged me in front of everyone for putting up such a great project? Thank God S wasn't around otherwise she would have something bitter and hurt me badly.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Finally I have sobered up after all the victory excitement. Every catastrophe I faced while working on project seems pale in comparison to what I have achieved. Sometimes I think it's my blind trust in God that keeps me going. I am not really a person who prays and fasts but I am honest. My family and friends know about the troubled the state of my soul during project work especially a day before project exhibition, when I had nearly broken down. But then God has strange ways of working; I hadn't imagined that my project would be such a hit. My students didn't panic though they hadn't practiced much. They behaved exactly as I had told them. Everything went smoothly.

Hugs to muskan and sab, you rock girls!
Ms. Soob, blessed art thou. I definitely owe you a favor. I was so relaxed after leaving things in your hand. I wish I had come to you sooner. JazakAllah!
Mr. A, thanks for the printouts I know it cost you dearly. Thanks a bunch sir!
My students, I love you, I know at times, I had been a little hard on you but it was meant to get you on the track.

And to all those who brought cheers to my life during worst of times: thanks and hugs.

To those who didn't: what goes around comes around =)

Project Exhibition

How did the day begin? I don't know. I was up all night and couldn't even recall when the day actually began. All I know that my mind was captivated by things-to-do-today list. I had to listen to students' presentation, had to tell them how to present their models, had to prepare them for explaining their project work on display board and whatnot. Above all, I had to tell them how to behave in front of judges. Though I had been telling those tips and trivial facts about project presentation since the day we started working but they are kids and are prone to forget quickly.

First muskan did my make-up, because with sleep-burned eyes carrying dark circles, I looked horrible. During make-up I was told that Mr. Omer Manya, Master Licensee of The Fourth R, Pakistan had arrived. I also came to know that S was throwing tantrums at everyone. Reasons weren't discovered then but later, when my students told me that they showed their display board to her in the morning, I figured why. I totally ignored her sarcastic remarks afterwards.

It was time to gather my students. Class 5C's presentation was at number five, 5B's at number seven and 5A's at number nine. Sab and I started with class 5C. Sab prepared midhat and roomana for display board presentation while I prepared saba and farwa for multimedia presentation. After getting done, I went outside to take a look at other projects. It seemed that my display boards had created quite hype. All the senior girls were gaping at them. I showed them to other teachers as well. Muskan, sab and N, all liked and appreciated them. In the meantime, other judges had also arrived.

The presentation started immediately. I was called by muskan to send my students as Mr. Manya intended to leave early. Class 5C was up next. Students were waiting outside while I was in library listening to previous group's presentation. The students were fumbling, their confidence shaking and that scene made my heart skipped beats. I rushed outside and told my students to be confident and relax and so did muskan.

And then my students entered with their stuffs and when they unfolded their display board in front of judges, readers I don't have words to describe how they reacted. Sound of applauses and praises echoed in the library. Everyone with cameras started taking pictures and that display board became a celeb. It boosted my students' morale and they delivered their presentation quite brilliantly. One should hear them talk, they sounded so cute.

When the presentation got over, Mr. Manya stood up to leave. He appreciated me but I requested him to stay, telling that I really want him to watch my other students' work as well since they have put in a lot of effort. He complied and I am really grateful to him.

It was a break time and class 5A's presentation was up next. The numbers were re-shuffled since S's projects failed to make impact on judges. The students did good job though they weren't confident much as all this re-shuffling had confused them but they were good. In the meantime, sab started preparing class 5B students for presentation and all. And when their turn arrived, they delivered their presentation smoothly.

When all my students got done, I took them to cafeteria for treat. I was so involved with my students that I didn't even watch other group's presentations. I heard that they weren't much good with few exceptions. My three projects had knocked out other eight.

When it was all over, Mr. A, called us in his office and appreciated us with special compliments for my work. Later, we calculated points and as expected, Class 5C's project ranked first. The judges had called it superb, excellent and whatnot in their remarks.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

HAIR I go...

Oh, seems like everybody liked my new haircut. Got so many compliments from teachers and students. On seeing me, ma'am R was like "Who are you?" LOL!

Yesterday I spent an hour in front of mirror looking at my new image. I don't blame U for calling me self-conceited. =D

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Just came back from parlour and I am so loving my new hairdo. I feel extremely happy and dressing up to the nines.

Monday, March 19, 2007

Friday, March 16, 2007

Mystery of Life...

Why do people always call when you are:
  1. in class
  2. asleep
  3. in a rickshaw
  4. about to go to sleep
  5. in a meeting
  6. watching your favourite tv show
but never when you're wide awake, idle and bored.

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Obituary

Ladies and Gentlemen!!! Please take a minute to pray for zuni's brain that died on the 14th of March, at 2:45 PM.

May her dysfunctional brain rest in peace.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

I have realized
[in exactly 2 hours, 37 minutes and 2 seconds]
that I could easily fall for you.
I think I should start writing an autobiography. With an atrophied brain, crumbled soul and awful physical condition I don't seem to carry on for long. My blogs are quite sufficient for the autobiography but since not many people know about it (which suits me well because some of them are in no way supposed to know-not when I'm living), I have decided to make it public so that all of you can be regaled with delectable portions of my wonderfully interesting life. :P

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

So, here I am, rheumy-eyed with running nose and a brain half-dead. Murderous creeperistic flu has cut off my lifeline. Not to mention aches and cramps which have wrecked my body, it's one of the worst ordeals of being a female.

Would someone be considerate enough to send me get well soon wishes? I miss you.

P.S. Bouquets and floral wishes are welcome =)

Monday, March 12, 2007

The weather wears a new outfit every day. It's raining incessantly here, like a persistent, clingy fool in love. A March drizzle, something's wrong with our ecosystem or God is experimenting this year.

Rain washed away the blues and despair. Despite of the killing flu that has engulfed me since yesterday, I managed to soak myself for few minutes, in the rain. Don't ask what happened after that. Thank God I wasn't discovered by mom.

What a deceitful yet inspiring thing the rain is indeed, with raindrops pelting on your face, cold hugging clothes sticking to the body and cold rushes of air twirling the hair.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Fevers, I have discovered, are great conductors of grande ideas. Never is the writers mind more clear then when his body is in break down.

So let's recap: I have a guttural fever, sore throat and hacky-whacky cough and I have got a long things-to-do list.

P.S. Did I mention the stress my so called friends are giving me for the past 2 weeks? I want my fluffoo!
It has come to my realization that winx club is the most popular cartoon among children. Whenever they get done with work, they ask me to let them surf internet. And all they do is to visit winx club's website. I have taught them how to search using Google so whatever they study in theory, they search about it and collect information via internet. I think its quite practical approach to teaching which promotes interest in learning. More than that, it makes them independent. They have become so skillful in 6 months that if you ask about something they don't know, they will quickly search through Google and tell you all.

And now they search for winx fairies' pictures. Sometimes I do sit with them and talk about it. It's funny how I find myself taking interest in their activities. Deep down, I think I wish I was a child again, forget everything in the world except for one particular object that has become the focal point of my attention.

Whenever I sit with them I realize that I take off that fake-plastic-me mask and become really myself. May be there is a little girl inside me that keeps me from behaving like adults and that girl never wants to grow up.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Chills.....down my spine...

Lately, I have been reminiscing a lot. About a lot of fun times and I know what Michael said (see below) about dwelling into the past, but I can't seem to get over it. May be I am terribly missing those times. I wish I could turn back the time. I realize even more and more while I am in this lonely room. I just find out stuff about myself like never before. And then people tell me things, and I wonder, I think I have softened up and my facade has finally shown through.

Yeah, some of you reading this probably never have seen me through my facade. But isn't it funny how I can be so cheerful and so bitchy, yet so soft hearted inside? Perhaps, my soft heartedness is no longer there. The only things I feel lately are bitter and anger and I am trying to hold them in before I let it explode. But then the burden comes of holding it in, which makes me tired. In the end, I am probably so exhausted, yet I keep my smile on my face to keep anyone from noticing.

Till now, people really never had to look into me, generalizing people that are. Only a small, not even a handful knows much about me. But, lately, I am getting told things that I should have kept secret. Things that I don't mean to show, but they show right through. My facade is decaying; I guess I am at the point in which I can no longer keep it up. I have no energy to do anything anymore; I wander online to keep my mind off these thoughts. And the more I run away, the more I am backing myself into a corner. And I keep running. No matter, wherever I go.

I will have to lock myself into a corner in my mind and never let anyone in. In the end it's not worth my time to tell people. I push them away. I don't want people to know anymore. No more, just no more. Because, if there's anything in the end, it's no one to turn to.

Today's Quote:

"I've come to realize that as important the future is to all of us, the present is where we live and that is where we must live. We cannot dwell in the past because we'd never be able to move forward. We cannot dwell too much in the future because you might disregard the present and unknowingly forced yourself into a future you didn't want."

- Michael Wang

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Makes me sad, some of my friends, I regard as my closest friends, yet in the end, they are just one of the others. All I see is the shallowness around me and the hypocrisy that I can't stand.

Those that say "the best person that understands you is YOU" I cannot even begin to comprehend. I don't understand myself, why must I bear the burden of understanding other people.

This chaos within me doesn't let me accept things as they are and I am too weak to make a change. I don't think I will ever be happy again. Yet, I want to be happy …really happy… I want to smile when I wake up in the morning. If only, only, wishes could come true.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Listening to: Anywhere by Evanescence

I am totally idle right now. MSN isn't working and I'm in no mood to check copies.... same old dedicated laziness. Even don't feel like orkuting today – courtesy all those "fraaindship" scraps which have flooded my scrapbook. Dayem!!! … Been glued to orkut since last two weeks.

Sitting idle, I am wondering why, despite the fact that I am fairly well-read and educated, and have a shiny, happy future in front of me (or I am told so) I am so hopelessly addicted to orkut.