Out of three sixty five days a year, three sixty days I remain ill due to flu. This time it was stomach that got really upset. Well, now that I am getting better, I realize it wasn't bad after all. Spent three days at home and believe me it was a relief! I did nothing except for reading or watching tele. I guess that's what I needed – a break from my school's politically charged environment. My colleagues were giving me hard time AGAIN and even muskan appeared to be diplomatic. Sometimes, I think about resigning and take a short professional break just like vea. I intend to join mimi's school. It's a small primary school but would suit me. They have few kids as it was opened recently and the environment is relaxing. I feel that I am not ambitious anymore or may be because of my bitchy colleagues, I feel like I am getting wasted. I can't start a new activity for my students without tackling their resistance and opposition. The only reason I am sticking to this school is because of my students. But nobody should be dedicated like me. We live in a cruel mean world.

The other reason for me becoming less ambitious is that my rukhsati is bit uncertain. I can't think of starting something that I cannot finish. Sometimes, I wonder about my future. I don't understand what I really want, to establish career? Or to settle down?

I wish I could make things go my way. Only if wishes were horses…