I Moved Your Cheese

A new addition to my bookshelf! Bought it today with Sheeb, its cheesy title attracted our attention first and then the writer's claim that the book serves as a guide for lazy people.

It is not even necessary to read this book. Simply buying it and keeping it displayed in a prominent position will make you a brighter, happier and more desirable person.
- Darrel Bristow-Bovey

I think with seven untouched books already deposited on my shelf, this is the one that serves my purpose correctly. =D

These days I am pondering my mental state because I am experiencing mood swings more and more frequently. One minute I'll be ecstatic with happiness and then suddenly in the next, it's as though my world has collapsed around me and left me to pick up the pieces on my own. Its times like these I feel overwhelmed and need caffeine or the sharp reassurance of a razor blade to let me come back down.

I have started cutting again and if these circumstances continued I think I would start smoking as well. It's hard to carry on when the people around don't understand you so why waste time in telling them all? Those who say that sharing lessens the pain are fucking liars. Only it makes you vulnerable and exposed to exploitation. I don't need their sympathy or forced concerns or hollow words of consolation, because there really is nothing wrong with me. I simply have an overactive imagination who likes to paint a picture in the worst light possible.
"Mind disorder? Preposterous! Drama queen. Stop acting it up."

So I just smile and bear it all alone. You wouldn't be able to guess the kind of emotions churning behind this façade of giggles. Now while typing and listening to this song, I solace my despondency with tears.

Things I should be doing today:

checking grade 5 test papers
checking copies (have got piles of them)
completing planner
cleaning my room

Heck! Lazy me, get off the pc zuni and start working!

My fingers touched the keys and the thoughts disappeared. May be it's because I have said it all to a friend (or stranger for that matter), things that I should be writing in my blog. It's been quite long since I had been open with someone. Thanks for staying up and listening to all the crap (pseudo-intellectual crap, how's that?). Hope it didn't cause you headache.

I just don't understand this feeling of insecurity that engulfs me when someone asks about my blog link. I am still reluctant to sharing and resistant to intimacy. I have build so high walls around myself that no one can peek through.

Not even trojan horse can enter.

Things I did today:

1. slept for 11 hours.
2. slept again for 2 hours.
3. okay mostly that's it.
4. but I still feel tired
5. and my foot hurts
6. and its swollen
7. due to excessive walking
8. sad!

The Picnic

Tired, exhausted, and drained! That's all I can blog today. The kids and their teachers [;)], had a blast. I will upload pictures later.

As the kids have finally registered the news that they are going to have a picnic at the farm house; they all are fully excited and in high spirits. From the dresses to the food, they have talked about everything.

As dad reminded, today completes one year of living in this new residence and still I don't feel like this is home.

And here are more:

A closer view of Class 5A's display board

Hadia of Class 5A presenting her models


Class 5C students explaining their project work

Tooba of Class 5A explaining input devices

Okay, some pictures of project competition are in order:

Midhat and Roomana explaining their project work

Class 5A students explaining their project work (Hareem in front, Hadia on right, Hafsa at the back and Tooba behind)

(From left) Farwa, Saba and Midhat of Class 5C

Class 5B's models: flat-screen monitor, keyboard, paddle and webcam

A close view of class 5C's display board

Okay, to celebrate victory a little more, me and A bought two stuff toys: a bunny and a teddy bear. After Mr. Fluffoo and Pinkoo, I have named them as Mr. Bunny and Mr. Teddy until I could think of something better.

P.S. Did I mention that Saba's mom hugged me in front of everyone for putting up such a great project? Thank God S wasn't around otherwise she would have something bitter and hurt me badly.

Finally I have sobered up after all the victory excitement. Every catastrophe I faced while working on project seems pale in comparison to what I have achieved. Sometimes I think it's my blind trust in God that keeps me going. I am not really a person who prays and fasts but I am honest. My family and friends know about the troubled the state of my soul during project work especially a day before project exhibition, when I had nearly broken down. But then God has strange ways of working; I hadn't imagined that my project would be such a hit. My students didn't panic though they hadn't practiced much. They behaved exactly as I had told them. Everything went smoothly.

Hugs to muskan and sab, you rock girls!
Ms. Soob, blessed art thou. I definitely owe you a favor. I was so relaxed after leaving things in your hand. I wish I had come to you sooner. JazakAllah!
Mr. A, thanks for the printouts I know it cost you dearly. Thanks a bunch sir!
My students, I love you, I know at times, I had been a little hard on you but it was meant to get you on the track.

And to all those who brought cheers to my life during worst of times: thanks and hugs.

To those who didn't: what goes around comes around =)

Project Exhibition

How did the day begin? I don't know. I was up all night and couldn't even recall when the day actually began. All I know that my mind was captivated by things-to-do-today list. I had to listen to students' presentation, had to tell them how to present their models, had to prepare them for explaining their project work on display board and whatnot. Above all, I had to tell them how to behave in front of judges. Though I had been telling those tips and trivial facts about project presentation since the day we started working but they are kids and are prone to forget quickly.

First muskan did my make-up, because with sleep-burned eyes carrying dark circles, I looked horrible. During make-up I was told that Mr. Omer Manya, Master Licensee of The Fourth R, Pakistan had arrived. I also came to know that S was throwing tantrums at everyone. Reasons weren't discovered then but later, when my students told me that they showed their display board to her in the morning, I figured why. I totally ignored her sarcastic remarks afterwards.

It was time to gather my students. Class 5C's presentation was at number five, 5B's at number seven and 5A's at number nine. Sab and I started with class 5C. Sab prepared midhat and roomana for display board presentation while I prepared saba and farwa for multimedia presentation. After getting done, I went outside to take a look at other projects. It seemed that my display boards had created quite hype. All the senior girls were gaping at them. I showed them to other teachers as well. Muskan, sab and N, all liked and appreciated them. In the meantime, other judges had also arrived.

The presentation started immediately. I was called by muskan to send my students as Mr. Manya intended to leave early. Class 5C was up next. Students were waiting outside while I was in library listening to previous group's presentation. The students were fumbling, their confidence shaking and that scene made my heart skipped beats. I rushed outside and told my students to be confident and relax and so did muskan.

And then my students entered with their stuffs and when they unfolded their display board in front of judges, readers I don't have words to describe how they reacted. Sound of applauses and praises echoed in the library. Everyone with cameras started taking pictures and that display board became a celeb. It boosted my students' morale and they delivered their presentation quite brilliantly. One should hear them talk, they sounded so cute.

When the presentation got over, Mr. Manya stood up to leave. He appreciated me but I requested him to stay, telling that I really want him to watch my other students' work as well since they have put in a lot of effort. He complied and I am really grateful to him.

It was a break time and class 5A's presentation was up next. The numbers were re-shuffled since S's projects failed to make impact on judges. The students did good job though they weren't confident much as all this re-shuffling had confused them but they were good. In the meantime, sab started preparing class 5B students for presentation and all. And when their turn arrived, they delivered their presentation smoothly.

When all my students got done, I took them to cafeteria for treat. I was so involved with my students that I didn't even watch other group's presentations. I heard that they weren't much good with few exceptions. My three projects had knocked out other eight.

When it was all over, Mr. A, called us in his office and appreciated us with special compliments for my work. Later, we calculated points and as expected, Class 5C's project ranked first. The judges had called it superb, excellent and whatnot in their remarks.