2006 in review…

I am not a firm believer of astrology but the following prediction appeared last year on msn's site, somehow, turned out to be true.

LEO in 2006 – Challenge

You’re not one to acknowledge limitations, Leo, and thus when others sneer about your ambitions, you’re more inclined to stubbornly continue to work toward attaining them than to listen to your friends and give up. This year, you just might step over the edge and embrace some goals that most would consider impossible – and you could make a success of them. The resulting boost in your self-confidence could strengthen your love life. Committed Lions will experience a rebirth of romance; the uninvolved will attract it. The effort will, however, take its toll on your stamina if you’re not careful. It’s important that you stay healthy and not neglect your body. Once you’ve attained some of your dearest dreams, you’ll want to enjoy your good fortune.

I started off wondering if I would ever be happy again.

In 2006, I decided to write seriously and started working as a freelance writer. I stepped in the corporate world, got a decent job but quit early – a courtesy of politically charged environment. Then applied for job as a teacher in a reputable school and since then my life has been pretty smooth. I had never taught before and I never wanted to, took it as a challenge just to prove that I could do something but now- it would be my last job. I have discovered some of my creative skills while teaching and now when parents and my employers praise me, I consider myself accomplished.

In 2006, I regained self-confidence and achieved my goals instead of giving up as it seemed at one point.

In 2006, I discovered, for the first time in years, happiness that was not co-dependent on my relationships with other people.

To all the people who made the year bearable, happy, great - thanks. :)

To the people who didn't – well, I believe in karma.

Scrap crap

Following is a sort of conversation between humzie and me who happened to come across my profile after a long time.
Some doodling scribbles that we made in each other’s scrapbook:

Humzie: n when did u get committed n to who? :O

Me: Lets say, i'm committed to my work and myself.
what about u? single??? since when? u look cute

Humzie: fooling me eh? :P
yeah im singleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *sigh*
complications of life! :D
*wink wink*

Me: i wonder how a pretty n hot girl like u could be single but yeah life is too complicated n so are men! ;)

Humzie: lol! but that doesnt mean ive given up on life and RELATIONSHIPS! :D
im not just hot.. im willing and able ! LOL!
yaar bas dekhlo! qadar hi nai hai :(

Me: good! that's the spirit! (Y)
u rock girl!

Humzie: THANKYOU THANKYOU *BOWS* LOL!
have fun girl..:) invite me to ur wedding whenever it happens to take place.... i might come down! thats coz i love shadi ka khana! :D

Me: don't worry i'll whenever it happens...would send you tickets.
by the way, i'm not formally engaged yet :D ...engagement is prolly in feb.

Humzie: thats awesomeness!
whos the guy.. disclose it to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Me: u don't know him...he doesn't live here :D shaadi par aaogi to dekh lena

Humzie: bas fine!!!!!! i'll know some1 else here then! :D
yaar dhoondo na koi chika!!! :D ahahhaa so i also get married when i come down to attend urz! haha! pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee! /)

Me: what abt canadians? aren't they hot?
he lives in kuwait...ussey keh doongi so that hum dono saath rahein...waisey koi arab chale ga? ;)

Humzie: y notttttttt as long as hes HOT! lol
and ITALIANS are soooooo hot.... uff!

Me: n so r brazillians LOL!

Humzie: are theyyyyyyyyyy???????????
OMG! wah wahh.. so much hotness on earth! :D LOL

Me: LMAO! we should come down now...heaven seems boring :D

I am cracking up these days. Some sure signs are:

• Singing loudly while walking on streets.
  
• Dancing at terrace.
  
• Listening to romantic ballads.
  

I know what you guys are thinking. No! I am not in love; it’s just the phase I am going through. :D

Today was Sanz last day at school. Six months passed in the wink of an eye – seems like yesterday when sitting in the lab she talked to me in a very candid way as if she knows me since long and made me feel so comfortable that for a minute I forgot that it was my first day – time really flies! I don’t think I realized how sad I was going to be until we bade her farewell. It gradually sunk in then that she is no more around to cheer us up with her groovy jokes. No more her to save me from getting into troubles. I got along with her quite well from day one because of her freestyle and an easygoing personality. She stood by me when I needed her and spoke for me when I couldn’t voice my point of view. She is responsible for the few smiles I have managed in the worst of times. I will miss Sanz! I will miss her deeply.

All the best for her wedding. I hope all goes happy and well, and I'm very sure it will, InshaAllah.

Today’s Question:

What will you do if your husband doesn’t understand your job responsibilities, keeps bugging you while you are at work and finally forces you to quit?

Answer:
File for divorce!

In our part of the world men seem to desire a woman who will take care of the home well. And it goes unsaid that she has to mold her life to fit her spouse’s. I think it’s a byproduct of our male chauvinistic culture.

When two people live together they become teammates. Marriage is not just about sharing a house or a room; it includes sharing your dreams and hopes as well. It’s important in a marriage that each should be supportive of other’s dreams and recognize the responsibilities in ministry to which one may be called. I think a strong relationship has to come from two independently strong individuals who are in a relationship for all the right reasons; people who are strong enough to communicate honestly, admit their fears to one another, and mold their lives to fit each other’s.

Written after knowing a dreadful husband who forced his wife to quit job just because he was incapable of understanding her job responsibilities.

Bush’s things to do list:

From toothpaste for dinner

Today’s word: Anymore

I don't know anymore
What it's for
I'm not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand?
'Cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you're not even sure what it's for
Any more than me

Happy shiny me

I like this picture very much. It was taken on 4th December by my shutterbug friend sanz, when I was leaving for home. I was really happy and it shows.

The rain lifted our spirits.

Happy Birthday

This goes to my little sis A …sorry couldn’t wish you earlier. Forgive me for that.

Happy birthday late, and also ever!
All your days be blessed with love and peace!
Please forgive my lateness, and endeavor
Patiently to grant me my release.
Years come and go; our friendship will increase

Birthdays are like maps or clocks or signs:
In them we see an order more profound.
Reality lies deeper than our lines:
Time ticks as quarks and galaxies go round.
However arbitrary they may be,
Dates mark measures in the march of fate;
And since I'd like to see your destiny,
You can be sure next year I won't be late!

I keep walking
On a lonely road
Not knowing what lies
At the end
Not turning back to look
What I have left behind

I hear you calling
After me
But I keep walking
Thinking that you may follow

I keep walking
Until your voice becomes a distant echo
And I keep walking
Till I could hear you no more.
-Zunairah

Today’s thought:

"I must lose myself in action, lest I wither in despair."
- Alfred Lord Tennyson

To me, that’s the way to live. In the next few days, I won’t have time to make a halt and think how my life is moving on.

Today’s word: Enough

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough.

- REM: Losing my Religion

It’s just one of those days when I have nothing to say but feeling bad about me all the time.

I am a writer yet I am unable to connect words to my emotions. And I am a teacher… someone who can explain anything through words but…. words fail me now. Nothing can better describe what I feel at this moment except the tears in my eyes.

You were my sad story, the one that I will never be able tell because no one will believe me.

Everything breaks my heart, these days.

Happy Birthday Mother

The heavens open and angels come down. They spread their wings and blessings shower on earth. Happy Birthday Mother!

But thy eternal summer shall not fade
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st:
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
-William Shakespeare

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wild world

Yeah, sometimes I do feel like a little superhero girl of Corrinne May’s song. It is a nice ballad.
Anyway, today was just another day at in school. Okay, not just another day but that’s what I felt. We had one dish party and I, along with two other computer teachers, hadn't brought a single dish (how typical of us? :D). Thanks to S who acted as a sole representative of computer department and made ‘choley’. Besides, I was struck with the fact that I might lose eight days pay for not showing up on Friday. O Lord!

Yesterday, I had felt so giddy that I wasn’t able to sit. I was worried and wondered how I would be able to go to school tomorrow. A foolish thought occurred that I was going to die. That worried me more and I was like O’ God! I hadn’t been able to wear the new dresses that hang in the wardrobe.
It was lightening followed by light drizzling an hour ago. Cold breeze carried droplings of rain, which I sensed while walking at terrace. Knowing my potential of catching flu at a speed of light, I decided to go downstairs. My solitary walks at terrace are becoming customary. I don’t know why.

Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to run
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade

Today’s word: Prayer

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

Autumn

Today confirmed my doubts about autumn. The morning was greeted by dry and a bit cold breeze carrying withered leaves with fresh colour of autumn tints and my hands called for a need of moisturizer.

I just finished reading Thomas Hardy’s fiction “Jude the Obscure”. Hardy has always been my favourite classical writer. He writes the most awesome fiction highlighting complexities of human psyche. He also dares to pen on the two most controversial topics: religion and morality. LOL!

Eid Mubarak

The argentine crescent hangs in the dark sky marking the end of Ramadan and beginning of festival of Eid ul –Fitr. Wish you all a happy and blessed Eid.

My first Eid without my uncle whose death has left a perpetual void in our lives. Whoever says that time alleviates the sorrow is wrong. Only it increases with time and the lacuna created by them in your heart keeps widening. You can’t turn back the time and undo what has been done except to move on with this sheer fact that keeps consuming your soul.

Flu magnet

Having accustomed to the fact that my body is a magnet for all kinds of flu viruses, I have decided to come out of bed now. The muscular aches have alleviated a bit making me feel quite better.

Spent two hours online surfing aimlessly. I tried to read some poems of Nizar Qabbani but couldn’t carry on so have saved them for later reading. I browsed some of the greeting cards website and for no rational reasons, looked around few get well soon cards. I think I need such cards…. plenty of them! Also, I found a couple of interesting websites for my students, which I’ll tell them to check in my next class.

I am reading a book titled Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy, which, under favourable circumstances, will be finished by tomorrow.

I just finished listening to Payal by JaL.

The song left me reminiscing about my life two years ago. It’s been long but still I think I haven’t gotten over what happened. Just listening to some song took me back to the time when your presence used to linger around me. For a moment I thought you were around but then it was just a thought.

I always admire JaL’s song because there is a pleasing harmony between notes and poetry. When you listen to their song, the words automatically form chords with your feelings. Farhan’s vocals seem to have matured quite a lot.

Dil k taron ko cher kar
Tum kahan chal dye
Sigh.

Who is the slimmest of all?

My sister was looking for an inch tape today. Everyone was wondering what she wants to do with it until I appeased their curiosity by giving the correct answer that she wants to measure her waist. T thinks that she is growing fat. With weighing just 42 kg. at the age of 17, how could one think of growing fat? I wonder when would it be the time for me to worry about waist?

Back with a bang!

Yeah, finally I got a week off. Can’t describe in words that how happy I am. No more troubles of waking in the crack of dawn and wishing with sleep-burned eyes that if only, only, staying home and sleeping could be a full-time job.

More than that, I am happy to get time to rekindle my passion for writing. This time my source of inspiration is children. No doubt, they reflect nature in its purest form. I had never thought that teaching would be so creative and would influence my course of thinking. It’s like writing on their blank little minds with words that will stay there for very long or may be forever. It’s so wonderful to watch their eyes sparkle with surprise and wonder when they hear about something new. O’ really teacher? A kind of response I usually get when I tell them something they haven’t heard before. Everyday is a new day with them. They can amaze you with their responses and can frustrate you with their questions (stupid questions to be honest :D). I love my studnets, all of them!

Rain

It is September and it rained...and rained...and rained... yeah it rained for the whole day.

little drops of rain
twinkle in sunlight
just as tears sparkle in eyes
and -
are as pure as
a drop of a tear!
-Zunairah

Today's word: Hope

Sometimes life doesn't come up with choices. You have to attempt all the questions and move on. It's like moving in a dark passageway and not knowing where and when it's going to end. But there will be light at the end of the tunnel..... a hope that keeps you moving!

Audioslaved!

Music is the only thing that keeps you going when you have skipped your breakfast and been loaded with unchecked copies.
\m/

From the archives of psnob's blog:

Put the things that you've done in bold. And add an extra thing at the end.

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watched the sunrise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby's diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight (food be much delicious and powerful commodity to waste)
29. Bet on a winning horse
30. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
31. Asked out a stranger (ok, an acquaintance, but for all intents and purposes, a stranger)
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath/shower
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day (adopted a Punjabi accent and made everyone believe that I came from pind)
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states
50. Loved your job for all accounts
51. Taken care of someone who was shit faced
52. Had enough money to be truly satisfied (once)
53. Had amazing friends
54. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
55. Watched wild whales
56. Stolen a sign
57. Backpacked in Europe
58. Taken a road-trip
59. Rock climbing
60. Lied to foreign government's official in that country to avoid notice
61. Midnight walk on the beach
62. Sky diving
63. Visited Ireland
64. Been heartbroken longer then you were actually in love
65. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
66. Visited Japan
67. Bench-pressed your own weight
68. Milked a cow
69. Alphabetized your records
70. Pretended to be a superhero
71. Sung karaoke
72. Lounged around in bed all day
73. Posed nude in front of strangers
74. Scuba diving
75. Got it on to "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye
76. Kissed in the rain
77. Played in the mud
78. Played in the rain
79. Gone to a drive-in theatre
80. Done something you should regret, but don't regret it
81. Visited the Great Wall of China
82. Discovered that someone who's not supposed to know about your blog has discovered your blog
83. Dropped Windows in favor of something better
84. Started a business
85. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
86. Toured ancient sites
87. Taken a martial arts class
88. Sword fought for the honor of a woman.
89. Played D&D for more than 6 hours straight
90. Gotten married
91. Been in a movie
92. Crashed a party
93. Loved someone you shouldn't have
94. Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy
95. Gotten divorced
96. Had sex at the office
97 Lied
97. (the real 97) Gone without food for 5 days (more like 3 days)
98. Made cookies from scratch
99. Won first prize in a costume contest (not in a contest but got prize for most well-dressed lady at party)
100. Ridden a gondola in Venice
101. Gotten a tattoo
102. Found that the texture of some materials can turn you on
103. Rafted the Snake River
104. Been on television news programs as an "expert" (not on a news programme, but I was in some kid’s program)
105. Got flowers for no reason
107. Got so drunk you don't remember anything
108. Been addicted to some form of illegal drug
109. Performed on stage
110. Been to Las Vegas.
111. Recorded music
112. Eaten shark
113. Had a one-night-stand
114. Gone to Thailand
115. Seen Moulin Rouge
116. Bought a house
117. Been in a combat zone
118. Buried one/both of your parents
120. Been on a cruise ship
121. Spoken more than one language fluently
122. Gotten into a fight while attempting to defend someone
123. Bounced a check
124. Performed in Rocky Horror
125. Read - and understood - your credit report
126. Raised children
127. Recently bought and played with a favorite childhood toy
128. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour (but oh how i'd drop everything to do that...)
129. Created and named your own constellation of stars
130. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country
131. Found out something significant that your ancestors did
132. Called or written your Congressperson
133. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
134. ...more than once?
135. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
136. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
137. Had an abortion, or your female partner did
138. Had plastic surgery
139. Survived an accident that you shouldn't have survived
140. Wrote articles for a large publication
141. Lost over 100 pounds
142. Held someone while they were having a flashback
143. Piloted an airplane
144. Petted a stingray
145. Broken someone's heart
146. Helped an animal give birth
147. Been fired or laid off from a job
148. Won money on a T.V. game show
149. Broken a bone
150. Killed a human being
151. Gone on an African photo safari
152. Ridden a motorcycle
153. Driven any land vehicle at a speed of 100mph or faster?
154. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
155. Fired a rifle, shotgun or pistol
156. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild
157. Ridden a horse
158. Had major surgery.
159. Had sex on a moving train
160. Had a snake as a pet
161. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon
162. Slept through an entire flight: take, landing, during
163. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
164. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
165. Visited all 7 continents
166. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days
167. Eaten kangaroo meat
168. Fallen in love at an ancient Mayan burial ground
170. Eaten sushi
171. Had your picture in the newspaper
172. Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime
173. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
174. Gotten someone fired for his or her actions
175. Gone back to school
176. Parasailed
177. Changed your name
178. Petted a cockroach
179. Eaten fried green tomatoes
180. Read The Iliad
181. Selected one "important" author whom you missed in school, and read him/ her
182. Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them
183. ...and gotten 86'ed from the restaurant because you did it so many times, they figured out it was you
184. Taught yourself an art from scratch
185. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
186. Apologized to someone years after inflicting the hurt
187. Skipped all your school reunions
188. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
189. Been elected to public office (I was elected as a Prefect and Head of Literary society in school!)
190. Written your own computer language (my Assembly Language teacher would tell you it was definitely not a known language that I wrote in my exams)
191. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream
192. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
193. Built your own PC from parts
194. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you.
195. Had a booth at a street fair (a school mela, to be true)
196. Dyed your hair
197. Been a DJ
198. Found out someone was going to dump you via LiveJournal
199. Written your own role playing game
200. Lost your Best Friend for reasons of death
201. Fallen in love over the internet
202. Sung in a Barbers' Shop Quartet
203. Eaten a live animal
204. Been best friends with someone who no one knows about. (Twice).

If the twenty-fourth of August be fair and clear
Then hope for a prosperous autumn that year.
-John Ray, English Proverbs

Standing at the portico, I looked up at the sky
Found a distant star in a galaxy
Like a pearl in a black velvet,
It was shining very brightly

Soft zephyrs blew and I
Strolled along with the breeze
Moving back to the past
With the flood of memories

Standing there once
I had aimed so high
With hopes and dreams above the clouds
I had wished I could fly

Now the times have changed
And so have I
With my feet on the ground
I know I can’t touch the sky

I have put my dreams in my pocket
And so you see
That my eyes still sparkle
Like a distant star -
in a galaxy!

-Zunairah

"the eighth was August
being richly arrayed,
from garments of gold
all down to the ground"
-edmund spencer

My new house seems to be lucky indeed. I am getting everything I wanted for so long. I feel blessed! After resting for 3 months, I have finally started looking for job. My parents thought I needed a break after a hectic semester schedule. They were right but being idle was the last thing I had wanted to be. So, I started working as a freelance writer last month and since then writing has become my passion. Before that, I had been a moody and junkie writer (yes, zuni is being humble here :p). Anyways, my maid-hunting mission has ended and finally, we were able to find two honest maids. Mom is satisfied now.

Took a job test yesterday at Maersk. The test was easy but the route wasn’t. We live in a city that happens to be the financial capital of our country and the areas bubbling day and night with business activities don’t even have proper traffic system let alone well-lit roads. That made me sad or was it the weary journey that caused ache in all muscles? Who knows? But I seriously wished we had proper roads. On the way I saw my old house being pulverized to put up new high apartment building. I felt myself longing for old times and I craved to stop them from demolishing what stood like a monument of my childhood. Why did you take away what was mine?

Nothing is better than greeting Friday with your first long awaited paycheck. Thank you boss and thank you S for bringing it. I am blessed. :D

Mahnoor

Mahnoor darling. Daughter of my very close friend and my mentor Tahira. Miss you a lot girl.

*Picture courtesy: Mesh's photo album ;).

Things are finally settling down and so do I. Life is getting smoother now. My tonsils are healing too. They had drained every bit of creative energy from my soul. I have not written much since I got tonsillitis. May be because my life has become still or may be because events seem to have no inspiring effect on me. Life suddenly seems empty – like a lonely deserted passageway. Of course, the city is buzzing with activities – activities that can shatter one’s hopes and dreams, yet they are unable shatter the silence inside. A kind of soulagement I had always sought.

Murder took place at my sister’s college – a cold-blooded murder of a collegian – a regrettable by-product of city’s politically charged activities. This is something I don’t like about this city. Now students can’t go to college even to take prelims. Three-day mourning has been announced, something that is quickly becoming a de rigueur. Mother have mercy where are we going to end up?

Happy Birthday, Gul!

May it be the best yet, a celebration that you can kick back and remember fondly when you really are old! Hugs!

Spring Dawn

Oversleeping in spring I missed dawn
now I hear
cries of birds -
everywhere.

Tonsillitis

Not until I had gone to see a doctor, had I been aware of tonsillitis. Yeah, it’s a recent discovery in my illness and requires a full course of antibiotic. Besides, it’s a relapse that I am suffering. Well, doctor has prescribed other medications also to relieve the symptoms. I will be fine soon, InshaAllah, possibly tomorrow. A dose of antibiotic is all you need to pull through. It will be a tremendous relief. The last four days had been one of my worst ordeals. I wasn’t able to speak yesterday.

P.S. Did I mention the sedatives the doctor has prescribed? I will be sleeping the sleep of the just!

Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache. Ache.
My head aches. My throat aches. My arms ache. My legs ache. All my muscles shout: Ache

O’ Lord! This flu is killing me! Aaaaaaaaaachooooooooooo!!! Ooper se ye fever, can’t find panadol right now. And the shops are closed - a courtesy of yesterday’s suicidal blast. God bless my soul!

Today’s msn status: In bed, got flu.

Happy Birthday to Hina!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO DEAR HINA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

MAY YOU HAVE MANY MOREEEEEEEEE .....


Hope you have a blast and dhamaka @ susraal. LOL! Cheers :0)

I said maghrib prayer with mom. We could find only one prayer rug in the carton we brought and so we both had to share it. While praying I could feel her motherly aura around me. I think all mothers have this special emanation of motherhood that surrounds us the moment we enter their vicinity. The radiance of motherly feeling, love and gentleness effulges everything around. Even our spirits! It seems that all mothers are united souls, of an ambience, sharing a single feeling of motherhood. Hail all mothers! Hail Mothers’ Union!

P.S. I am going to pray with her everyday until we find other prayer rugs.

So, finally, I am in my new home. We moved here on 8th but my pc was shifted on 7th, otherwise I would have scribbled something in the diary. Things here as expected, are pretty different and weird or that’s what it seems to me. Acceptance has always been hard for me; it’s not old age paranoia as most people think – just that some people find it hard to get accustomed to a new situation and their ability to cope becomes hopelessly crippled. So is the case here as the pc has been moved to my sister’s room. Yeah, no more privacy privileges (they say privacy is a privilege though I consider it a birth right :p) and open access to writing during insomniac fits. Well this is how it goes. Anyways, I got very interesting neighbors and they are not filthy rich as I had anticipated. The environment is nice, so are the people and so is my new home :).

Hopeful thought of the day: I might be able to get my own laptop. :)

Food for thought

Potato chips are source of instant energy especially when you have skipped your lunch. And they can bring some crisp ideas also - couple of benefits of potato chips that I discovered today.

I am on the move, so these days I am paying farewell visits to my friends and acquaintances that live nearby. And so are my friends. Jenny dropped in on here today. Meeting with her has always been a pleasure. It reminds that how blessed I am. Our friendship has come a long way. Been friends since school days. I remember how sad I was when she moved to Clifton, thinking I won’t be able to meet her often but we stayed in touch through phone. Many times, we happened to talk after 5 or 6 months but when we talk, it seemed like we have been talking for ages. There was so much to catch on to and so much to spill out. People like her, sincere and mild-hearted, are hard to find in this uncanny world.

Something she wrote on the card she brought:

It is said:

To be happy
For an evening
Have a party
To be happy
For life
Find a nice friend!

Which I think I have done by finding you.

How cute! So sweet of you, hon. :)

Thanks J for visiting and for the priceless presents especially potato chips. All the best for your wedding. I hope all goes happy and well, and I'm very sure it will, InshaAllah.

Dur jo aaj hein
Yaad atey to hein
Khwaab adhoorey sahi
Khwaab saharey to hein

Aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hein
Yaadein teri daaman khenchti hein
Bhool chuke hein jo humein
Yaad atey to hein

Saddiyon k fasle aaj hein darmian
Ho jain magar jitni bhi dooryan

Aap jahan bhi rahein
Aap hamarey to hein
Khwaab adhoorey sahi
Khwaab saharey to hein

Aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hein
Yaadein teri daaman khenchti hein
Bhool chuke hein jo humein
Yaad atey to hein

Jaaney kab milein terey merey raastey
Aas tootey nahi yaad itna rahey

Raat dhalni to hai
Aaney ujaley to hein

---- Khwaab by Junoon

So, hina has said her farewells, packed and moved, to the new home. She’s going to start a new chapter of her life in a different city, in a different home, and will be forming new relations, with same names but with the suffix in-law – it’s more like living in a different world. That would be her world – a whole new world that revolves around just one person: Her husband. I don’t think I realized how sad I was going to be until the day she left. It gradually sunk in then that she is no more around to tease me when I am watching my favourite movie. No more her to dress me up for any event (and I had received compliments every time from everyone, still owe her for that), no more her to cook lunch for me (trust me, she’s a great cook), no more her to make me listen to all those lovey-dovey songs that my ears had forgotten. She stood up for me when people tried to bully me, she sided with me when I decided to leave the group, and she helped me in final year project when my dumb idiot group member had gotten over my nerves. And it’s the test of time that is the hardest. Besides, my sisters and two college friends, hina stood by me through it all. She is responsible for the few smiles I have managed in the worst of times. I will miss hina! I will miss her deeply.

Wish her all the best for the marriage life. May the angels always be with her, Ameen!

I have discovered that writing in some respects is quite therapeutic. So is drinking coffee in chilly winters. So is eating french-fries with a liter bottle of pepsi. So is crying with my head in pillow. So is listening to enrique iglesias' song. So is walking along seashore on summer nights. So is reading classics in winter. And so is surprising people by getting up as early as 8 am on a holiday. So is looking myself into the mirror and remembering compliments from people who really matter. And so is coming across reminiscences of past while cleaning cupboard.

Looking at my school, college and university notebooks – use case and activity diagrams, diagrams of frog’s heart and respiratory system, physical balance, which I had drawn thousand times for practice, and some ‘other’ interesting diagrams along with comments drawn to overcome the boredom felt during lectures; plethora of photostat notes – that weren’t touched but the certainty of simply having them had been a major relief during exams; my sketch-books and year-books, colour and paint boxes, sheets of stickers and tattoos, drawing sheets of my sister that were awarded to me as a token of love, hand-made cards ---- reminds me of my significant past. How can I throw them away when they had been a part of me?

Hyperactivity

Is zuni hyperactive? The answer is big YES! For all those who choose to disagree: Here is the proof!

She went to sleep around 5 am but woke up as early as 6:30 am – the moment her sisters invaded her room (yes, sisters can be annoying at times). She then prepared her breakfast, ironed her clothes, helped mom in preparing lunch (she is a good girl, isn’t she? :p). She had a long walk to UBL from uni gate, then to department under the scorching sunlight that can roast every inch of integument on the body (bless the time she decided to wear full sleeves shirt). She had a lunch with her friend at her house (ms. affbee who had been bugging her for the past ten days). Upon returning home, she cleaned her cupboard of study room, tossed old magazines and papers, stacked her books, gathered her other academic and stationary stuff; and finally placed them neatly in the carton. When she got done, she started writing this blog.

Yes! This is same old sluggish me. I can’t believe that after toiling for whole day, I am not even tired. My mind is loaded with thousand ideas and it is constantly reminding me of the tasks that I had pushed somewhere in the corner of mind, with the intention of doing them later. I have to write a report on HR’s seminar and an article about picnic arranged by ACM. I think I should better start writing before these pop-up reminders, from every nerve cell, damage my central nervous system.

New month, new home, new diary…

So, here I am, with new blog skin for my diary. It looks kind of majestic especially the writings in gold. It reminds me of the parchment that messengers used to bring and read before kings. How truly Majestic! Yes, I am in love with my new blog template. I remember how I searched endlessly for blog templates. God bless google! Finally I landed up at pink design. Still got lots of work to do. I have to put this beautiful sketch by Sam with proper credits to his site: exploding dog. Some of my blogs don’t show especially the ones in archives; have to work out that too.

We are moving to our new house next week. Besides my articles, paraphernalia, goods and chattels, I’ll be taking new home a nostalgic feeling, reminiscences of childhood, wonderful memories and above all: a feeling of an extreme, unseen, unknown loss, with me. How painful it is to have your roots grubbed up and planted to a different place.

Oh! How much I’ll miss all those things that belong here. How much I’ll miss shopping at this place. I’ll miss united king, metropolitan bank, my favorite cd and gifts shops, my tailor, my beauty parlour - all that happen to be at walking distance from my home. How much I’ll miss going out anytime for shopping. Life seems so easy when all you have to do is to just go and buy things when you want. How much I’ll miss shopping late on chand raat, till midnight with my sisters and friends – sitting under tents on a clear new moon night, waiting for hours and hours until past midnight for our turns for mehndi.

I have just realized that all I am lamenting is about missing shopping, but this is what bahadurabad is known for… a paradise for shopping in Karachi! Besides, I am so used to this independency of going out alone and getting anything I need. And yes! Its' a cri de coeur from a shoppaholic me.

to vote or not to vote...

It’s time to transfer leadership and power to our next generation, it’s time to shower these young academics with new responsibilities, and yeah it’s time to hold elections. So be it!

Today was an election day for ACM members. We voted…yep, that was the reason we were there. So, we voted some *selected* people who turned to be NOT so *selected* and the ones who were “actually” selected, got selected and in that way they were elected! That’s the story. Sounds pathetic? It is!

Ah! Going uni in such an unbearably hot weather requires more courage and much more patience. But since it was about the future of ACM and my department, I decided to fulfill my moral duty and sacred task of voting for new office bearers, no matter how irritating, mind-perturbing and soul-wrenching it was. Sorry for sounding so pessimistic but that’s what I felt after all this process. During four years of my graduation I have always been associated with ACM’s elections in one-way or the other. This year’s election was missing thrill and invigoration, which previous elections had carried. The electrifying atmosphere, great campaigns, political alliance, information divulgence and above all the sporting spirit which had always been there, BUT this election was so devoid of everything. I didn’t even know who were running for the office till very last moment. No one seemed deserving. No one! I had decided not to vote but then changed my mind and voted for people who sounded apparently sincere. And yes, I cheerfully voted for the cute junior who was running for president [;)] but poor guy lost.

Anyways, I have to finish this thriller Angels and Demons (by Dan Brown).

She opened the window and could hear the dry sounds of summer, the insect-voices… the cicadas... yes! Summer was arriving and would bring long torrid days that scorch green lawns to faded yellow, bright sunshine that rinses the ground, melodious songs of summer birds, which soothe melancholy minds. She thought about poetry. Nature, the mountains, the sea… all deal with the themes of summer. It was time to take nature-notes!

And no one could be better than Wordsworth and Hardy, she muttered with a smile.

I have discovered …

When I am upset, reading John Grisham helps. Nothing is more heavenly than locking up in my room, lying down on the bed with a book, some potato chips, a coffee cup, and listening to some soft music (or could be hard rock depending upon the intensity of depression)... yeah, that’s my concept of paradise!

To quote Cynthia Heimel:
Reading is an escape, an education, a delving into the brain of another human being on such an intimate level that every nuance of thought, every snapping of synapse, every slippery desire of the author is laid open before you like a book.

Reading gives the pure pleasure of feeling transformed magnified and replenished. It is kind of an apparatus on where you can send your mind floating off.
Happy Reading!

Graduated!

Congratulations! I am a certified graduate now. Yuppie!!!

I was supposed to respond like that but I didn’t. Instead I took a sigh of relief and simply signed out of yahoo account. I don’t understand this emptiness inside me. I have reached to the point where nothing matters to me. I have become impassive to all pleasures and sufferings. This all just doesn't seem worth it. And I consider it a blessing. At least I don’t feel pain anymore.

I am totally messed up right now. Haven’t got anything to blog about. Sad! I wish I could make things go my way. I feel like breaking down. Just wish things could have gotten better. Why do we have to go through all this shit? Why are we so helpless at the hands of fate? Nothing matters. Well, nothing matters at the end of the day except what has been fated. It is fate that tangles the threads of life from the word go. We are mere puppets. Sad! These thoughts are making me so depressed. But I can’t do anything. They are banging against the walls of my mind. And they have eroded the walls enough. Oh!I am sick of them. I am sick of people. I am sick of this world. Everything seems hopeless including me. I am sick of typing all this shit. But can’t help. Otherwise, these thoughts would rot my brain and crumble my soul. Well, that is all the crap I have to blog tonight. Now, I am feeling a lil’ better (a fleeting moment but I should savor it) and sleepy too. *Yawns* Gotta sleep. Take Care!

Angel
by
Sarah McLachlan
Spend all your time waiting
for that second chance
for a break that would make it okay
there's always one reasonto feel not good enough
and it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distractionoh beautiful release
memory seeps from my veins
let me be empty
and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there

so tired of the straight line
and everywhere you turn
there's vultures and thieves at your back
and the storm keeps on twisting
you keep on building the lie
that you make up for all that you lack
it don't make no difference
escaping one last time
it's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
this glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

in the arms of an angel
fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you fear
you are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there
you're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here

I am sitting here listening to this song. No one could have better described the state of my poor soul then Sarah McLachlan’s Angel. Music is an amazing thing. Forms a chord with your feelings and puts them into words. Lord! I am sooo loving this song.

Today’s word: Time

Time changes everything except the memories. They are kind of virtual links between present and past. Like floods, they carry you with them …. far away, where time has no worth, no meaning, and no sense

No sign of anything!

*sniffs!

Well, I’ve got a whole day to wait or possibly, it might arrive at night. I should prepare myself for a long wait. Oh and it's the hardest part.

Anyways, Good Morning!

still waiting ……

no message, no letter. :'(

*sniffs

waiting……

Orkut Fortune

Today’s fortune @ Orkut:

A cheerful letter or message is on its way to you.

They still communicate through letters??? … *checks date and year*. It’s 2006!
By the way, who would be sooo *farigh* to write me a letter? May be I should wait for ‘message’, someone might text in something hmmm…. *Cheerful* :).

A good day begins with a good tea. *Tea Courtesy "Lipton"

Here I am, with my cup of tea. Hopefully, it will stimulate my brain cells as I got lots of writing to do.

Quote of the day:

"A requisites for contented living: Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them."

– Goethe

Obituary: S.H. Hashmi died

A hallmark in advertising world and no doubt, a great person. Mom is quite shocked. Hope she’ll settle down soon.

Well, nothing against death's scythe can make defense. We all are fallible mortals. May his soul rest in peace. Ameen!

Beautiful Day!

It's a beautiful day
Don’t let it get away
............ (U2)

Yeah, my day was beautiful like today’s weather. I got a call early in the morning from Gul. She had an interview today and wanted me to come along. The office happened to be near airport side. The weather was awful and we enjoyed all the way long. After her interview, we went to Pakistan Maritime Museum, the place I had never been before though had heard a lot about it. We went and got some sandwiches and talked for a long time. The place was not like my hangouts: Mc Donald or Park Towers, but it was good. The calmness and serenity in such an extremely good weather made it look like a fantasy world. We didn’t go inside the museum; instead roamed around the park built in surroundings of the museum.

The thing I enjoyed most was boating ….it was like sailing in a dreamboat in a dreamland. Everything seemed so magical there … like an enchanter has waved his magic wand.

We left the museum at almost 5 p.m. and took a walk. Absorbed in our reveries, we were rambling through the roads for long when we finally decided to go home.

Blogspot Banned!

This is pathetic. There are many ways of blocking specific sites without letting it affect the entire hosting facility. I want to hunt down that idiot who blocked the entire blogspot url.

Luckily, the block seems to be at the DNS level only. So, proxy access is possible. Alternates to access Blogspot:

Anonymizer:

http://anon.free.anonymizer.com/http://blogname.blogspot.com

Google Translate:

http://www.google.com/translate?langpair=enen&u=http://blogname.blogspot.com

(where blogname is the name of blog you want to access)

P.S. Thank you Kashif for letting us know about proxy access.

Mortality

We all are fallible mortals ... prisoners of cruel mortality. Oblivious of its deceitful reality. Nothing against death's scythe can make defense.... nothing can change its bitter self.
It’s like living in a tight suffocating prison waiting at the gate of death. Doesn't really matter if we stay in dark or live in light...we cannot escape our destiny...we cannot remove our souls from the mortal shelf!

My artwork

What a verdurous view! I made it in Corel Draw. Note different shapes of leaves. This shows my inclination towards heterogeneity.

Variety is a spice of life.

It's me

I took a personality test at some website so here is the result :)

The Ultimate Personality Test
The Real You: A Scientific Analysis

Zunairah, you're an Observer!

This means you're one of the more kind-hearted people around. You are unusually intuitive, and you probably understand yourself, as well as others. That also means you're a good mediator — though you may prefer to spend more time on your own than most.
You are better equipped than many to steer your life in the right direction. Understanding more about the components of your personality will reveal unique information that even people like you might not realize. And the better you know yourself, the more confident you'll be making decisions that affect your life.

And that's just scratching the surface!

This goes to my sis T








yeah!

From toothpaste for dinner

Today's Quote

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand.
- Linus van Pelt

These lines are my favorite. Frost is awesome.

The woods are lovely dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep

-Stopping By The Woods on a Snowy Evening, Robert Frost

It’s 4:00 AM and I still can’t sleep.

A courtesy of late night caffeine!

Things I find solace in:







As Richardson said:
My heart is full, and I can't help writing my mind.

Happy New Year

Wish you all a very happy new year :)

And now, ladies and gentlemen! * Drum Roll * … some new year’s resolutions are as follows: ...* more Drum roll * ... “NEW ORDER of ‘06”!!!

1) be extremely regular in prayer
2) read more classics
3) get engaged in writing, yeah, for sure!
4) shop less
5) no, no, shopping is good…. Shop as much
6) help mom in household chores.
7) try not to stay awake all night. :P
8) try not to lose temper so easily. hehe
9) write more poems
10) be nice especially, to strangers… lol!
11) be more thankful