This is something I wrote years ago about the plight of a woman in Pakistan and India. I had never realized that one day I'll feel related to this poem. Thank you in-laws!

Here it goes:

Lying next to him
with a bruised heart
with dreams all broken
that's how she had to start
carrying her battered self
carefully stepping on broken dreams
holding on to her crumbling hopes
drowning within her salty screams
he couldn't see thru her
the fate has its own strange ways
she kept bleeding inside
and it went on for days and days
she – his pretty little angel
who he possessed her fully and whole
he had her in his arms
and her withering soul
enclosed in a coffin
and as the death-bells chime
she bid herself good bye
and felt alive for the first time!

Early days of marital bliss. You can see the glow which has faded away with time.

My life, my pride, has been broken.

Working on my blog template after long. Seriously, it sucks! Seems like my brain has stopped functioning in a logical way after marriage. The html appears to be an array of bizarre words swirling around my brain. No wonder, women lose their wis-dumb after marriage.

And yes, I am down with flu, thanks to this humidity outside and freezing temperature inside (I so hate centrally air-conditioned houses).

By the way, this article about President Zaradri's wis-dumb is really funny. Do go thru it :).

My Lord! Truly, I am in need of whatever good You bestow on me.

- Surah Al-Qasas, verse 24

With all the insanity going around, in my country and in my house, I have finally found something to be happy about: LGS girls win NASA competition! A statement from the school administration reads:

"The success marks a triumph for Pakistan, and particularly for women who rarely get an opportunity to excel in spheres involving science and advanced technology. It also demonstrates the potential of Pakistani youth, and offers hope at a time when the nation faces many crises.”

The volcano is silent now till the next eruption. The lava has pacified to some extent. Fumes still linger in the atmosphere but they will disappear too with time. But the damage has been done. The lacuna has widened. Time will drop some sand over but the void would never be filled completely because after every volcanic activity, the gap keeps widening.

Unfortunately, yesterday my husband discovered my recent blog posts (the copy I made in ms word). As expected, he didn't like slashing his mother. I told him that there should be some way to went out my anger and I found this very therapeutic. Besides, he didn't like the last three lines of my previous post. Of course, the idea of moving out scares him. It's not his fault. He is a product of a very typical-conservative-influenced-by-Hindu-culture Pakistani society. Here you are not allowed to think outside the box. You are not allowed to have your own perspective. Speaking one's mind is considered blasphemy. My religion gives me right to demand for a separate home, to make my own decisions (of course, with my husband's consent but not like k mommy mana kareingi or hamarey yehan aisa nahin hota) and to strive to cultivate my faculties and for my financial independence. Had my mother-in-law been normal, I wouldn't have thought about that. But I am grateful that he is supportive. He stands by me whenever my in-laws try to slash me. And that's why I am able to bear all this. He thinks moving out will create more distances. What he doesn't realize that though physically close, we are separated by the distance of miles. Only time will tell him that. I just hope I will be around to see that because yester night I prayed to God to make sure mine and my family's life gets over soon and together; since they won't be able to live without me. As for my husband, he has his family to care of him!

Just when things couldn't get worse, there was a verbal warfare today at house. Fire broke the ice. Fragments of thoughts and suppressed feelings of anger and hatred erupted in the form of verbal assaults. Of course, I was the focal point of the collective rage. Whatever I had uttered in the past, the words and statements were morphed and presented as ugly string of characters. Also, the things I had never said or did were attributed to me. Life is not easy here. You have to think twice before even breathing. Everything is analyzed with a twisted angle. I believe when going gets tough one shouldn't be going together. Time and distance together heal the wounds. They just don't understand that! I so wish we move out soon. I desperately need a peace of mind lest I rest in peace.

Nine days to my birthday, what a start!