Sometimes reality strikes you hard. Acceptance becomes difficult. Not that my life is not fucked up already, I have: parents who don't understand me or they don't want to, colleagues who are bitchy as ever, dreams that have been shattered and crushed, a flu that is consuming me and has left me atrophied. But these are not enough for Him, up there! More miseries, that's what I am fated to have. Its moments like these I need razor blade for reassurance.

People say, on this shab-e-barat, our kismet is decided and responsibilities are assigned to angels to carry out things as been determined. In my case, I can safely assume that more hardships will be added in my lot in life. I am cursed! No hope to go on. I just don't want to live anymore.

I want to

A solitary walk at terrace

On this full-moon night the cloudy starless sky seems to be glowing with life. The terrace is bathed in milky moonlight giving it a picturesque view. How beautiful the night is indeed, with cool zephyr twirling my hair and blowing my mind. A thousand thoughts originated and were carried away by the wind.

Wireless communication is a wonderful thing. Having an insightful conversation with someone you feel connected is a perfect thing to end the day with. Thanks Mimi. =)

Good night!

Six months, twenty-six days. Even being so far apart, he has been an integral part of my life, my daily routine. I probably made the wrong decision. But if it is meant to be, it’ll come together again. Different place, different time.

Finally, I managed to get time to read Jean Sasson's Daughters of Arabia which I burrowed from Mimi a week ago. I am finding it a bit difficult to cope with the added responsibilities of wife and daughter-in-law. Being a daughter, in itself, is quite a tough job in a country like ours. With each passing day, I feel like I am losing a part of myself as the responsibilities of work and family keep pouring in. Maybe that's what growing up is all about. Managing the responsibilities! And I am just in the learning phase.

Pics of Independence Day celebration at our school. Ours, perhaps, was the only school that remained open on 14th (as well as on 15th) to mark this day.

Yom-e-Azadi =)

A beautiful sunny day with shades of green everywhere in sight and a clean blue sky harboring a thousand emotions in its breeze. The air is crisp and as the wind rustles, it carries songs of unsung heroes. Happy Independence Day to all!

Getting organized

Monday morning is going to be the first day of school for most of the kids. The academic session will begin actually (not officially) from 20th of this month. Since I had nothing better to do tonight, I rummaged through my bag and discovered that my school bag is basically a garbage carrier. I cleaned it, threw all empty wrappers of bubble gums and papers, and then loaded it with all school-teacher's paraphernalia.

Things in my bag:

1. A small notebook
2. Stationery
3. A pad of sticky (post-it) notes
4. A pair of scissors
5. Some rubber bands
6. A highlighter
7. A stapler
8. Some paper pins
9. Some painkillers
10. Wallet
11. Stick deodorant
12. An eye pencil and a lipstick... though I rarely use them =p

How true!

Today's Thought

Why waste a perfectly good flower when you know...
he loves you not

Pms-ed

I am feeling down. Every now and then, someone bursts my bubble. I want to creep up into my hole.

I hate people! I wish I could put them in chopper and chop up into million pieces or put them in a cauldron and boil them to death.

Don't know what's wrong with me. Things are far better than before. My birthday rocked. The weather is awesome today. My bitchy colleagues are trying hard to be nice to me. We seem to be getting along well. Still, I feel like hating people. I think I must have been a sadist or serial killer or psychopath in my previous life.

As sis analyzes that when I don't have anything to worry about I go into a state of depression. She infers that since my mind is used to the feelings of tension it cannot cope with the lacuna created by these feelings when tension is relieved.

Well, right now I am not coming down with massive depression. In fact, depression has little to do with the perfectly normal experience of 'feeling a bit depressed'.

I want to fight but people are behaving for a change. I fought with sis and she said sorry to me. I was rude to my husband and he was like ' I'm sorry, I hurt you?' Mother have mercy! What's wrong with the people? 'Its bitchiness personified!' That's what U said. Yeah, I am being bitchy and want to fight. Till then, this song of nirvana rocks:

Load up on guns, bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over bored and self assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low?

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay, a denial

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

Hello, hello, hello, how low?

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay, a denial

And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it was hard to find
Oh well, whatever, never mind

Hello, hello, hello, how low?

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay, a denial

It annoys me…..

Why does my husband become smart aleck when his parents are around?

The decision to re-open schools from 9th August by the wise people of education ministry didn't prove to be correct. They had to announce closing schools on Friday due to heavy rainfall that left the city in tatters.

I think this news made my day. What else do you want after staying up whole night talking to friends who called just to wish you? A whole day to sleep! Yeah! Though my plans to go out with friends were ruined along with the city, but it was all good. Sorry, DN I couldn't make it today.

Almost all my colleagues wished me including my rivals also =). Muskan was the first one to call and then it was sheeb, with who I talked for almost an hour. In the meantime, friends keep texting in complaining of course, for keeping phone busy for so long, besides wishing. After that, I logged in to check my scrapbook and wall. Then it was madmax, whose call came as a surprise. I mean, seriously! Of all the people, I wasn't expecting him to call leaving aside wishing me. Some friends! =)

Slept at 4 am, and then woke up at around one, noon. Kept lazing around… more messages… more calls, special messages and special calls from family and family ++, LOL!

P.S. Did I mention birthday treat? =D

Rainy Birthday

As the city was drenched in rain last night, my birth night was drenched by a continuous blizzard of birthday wishes that keep pouring in till 3 a.m.

Thanks and love to all those who remembered and called in or texted =)

And to those who forgot to wish – just don't forget my gift = p.

Today's Quote

Dreams, books, are each a world.

-Wordsworth

God up there is experimenting on my feelings. I am missing someone I barely know. It's strange.

This goes out to you. Sorry, I cancelled your call. It was by mistake.

Dur jo aaj hein
Yaad atey to hein
Khwaab adhoorey sahi
Khwaab saharey to hein

Aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hein
Yaadein teri daaman khenchti hein
Bhool chuke hein jo humein
Yaad atey to hein

Saddiyon k fasle aaj hein darmian
Ho jain magar jitni bhi dooryan

Aap jahan bhi rahein
Aap hamarey to hein
Khwaab adhoorey sahi
Khwaab saharey to hein

Aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hein
Yaadein teri daaman khenchti hein
Bhool chuke hein jo humein
Yaad atey to hein

Jaaney kab milein terey merey raastey
Aas tootey nahi yaad itna rahey

Raat dhalni to hai
Aaney ujaley to hein

---- Khwaab by Junoon