Why am I finding it hard to accept that I am one unlucky soul?
Trust me, if I have to live my life over again, I don't believe that I could survive it.

Can I have my razor blade please?

Rapid fire!

Tagged by muskan. Fill in with whatever comes in your mind.

Love: - abstract
Life: - sucks
Hot: - George Clooney nowadays
Desire: - dreams
Pain: - unbearable
Unforgettable: - memories
Dearest: - friend
Latest crush: - Pepsi
Me: - honest

We lost =(

We fought back....we were soooo close to victory BUT!!!
Sadly Pakistan lost AGAIN! But we played well... it was just plain bad luck that Misbah-ul-Haq got out. Yeah, one man against whole indian team or to quote Ramiz "Misbah-ul-Haq vs. India" =p. He rocked!!! I think the guy deserves tremendous praise and just a medallion won't do that.

Pakistani team made a great come back after getting knocked out in the last world cup. We won against aussies and made it to the final which is, quite an achievement. But losing match against your rival country is always a bitter experience for a proud nation like us. Anyways, according to the statistics, we have never won against India in world cups since 1975. Sigh!!! So much for this T20 world cup!

Out of three sixty five days a year, three sixty days I remain ill due to flu. This time it was stomach that got really upset. Well, now that I am getting better, I realize it wasn't bad after all. Spent three days at home and believe me it was a relief! I did nothing except for reading or watching tele. I guess that's what I needed – a break from my school's politically charged environment. My colleagues were giving me hard time AGAIN and even muskan appeared to be diplomatic. Sometimes, I think about resigning and take a short professional break just like vea. I intend to join mimi's school. It's a small primary school but would suit me. They have few kids as it was opened recently and the environment is relaxing. I feel that I am not ambitious anymore or may be because of my bitchy colleagues, I feel like I am getting wasted. I can't start a new activity for my students without tackling their resistance and opposition. The only reason I am sticking to this school is because of my students. But nobody should be dedicated like me. We live in a cruel mean world.

The other reason for me becoming less ambitious is that my rukhsati is bit uncertain. I can't think of starting something that I cannot finish. Sometimes, I wonder about my future. I don't understand what I really want, to establish career? Or to settle down?

I wish I could make things go my way. Only if wishes were horses…

I wish I could

Tell N that:

• She is suffering from inferiority complex because me, being of the same age, is more accomplished than her. =)
• I am a graduate, not someone who flunked in intermediate exams which makes her only matric qualified, and got job on merit not by flaunting and flattering my employer.
• I have a purpose in life not like her whose sole purpose is to get dressed and discuss other's life.
• I mind my own business unlike her who is nosy and is always criticizing others.
• I hate people with impaired English! (So, please don't text me asking what does means ejaculation? Ha!)

I hate people with 'holier than thou' attitude. In fact, I despise them and wish they could die soon. Why don't people just mind their own business?

My colleague N, apart from being an illiterate paindoo wannabe, is extremely judgmental especially when it comes to me! She never misses a chance to show animosity towards this humble being. What she said today was kinda expected from her. She called me Christian just because I don't pray and fast. Duh! Look, who is talking! I mean, seriously! Two years ago she was as pagan as me. Now, that her 'boy friend' has converted her into Muslim, she thinks she is the holiest of all. Will somebody please tell her that having a boy friend is not considered sacred in Islam? I wish I could be more assertive. Wish could her tell that God, up there, doesn't judge people until their lives are over.

Yesterday was parent–teacher conference at school. It was same as the previous four ones except that this meeting was scheduled quite early. I had nothing to discuss with parents as there had been no tests at school to assess kids' performance. For parents of new girls, it was an introductory meeting. The meeting went smoothly except of for one girl's father who talked in a very ill-mannered way for punishing his daughter. That man was a loser! He didn't even let me speak and was talking bullshit. He went like I am paying huge amount of money for my daughter and blah blah. SO??? I mean, seriously it has nothing to do with me! And he didn't stop at that. He started assaulting verbally ma'am R, in presence of her nieces =p, just because I took her daughter to madam's office and she punished her. I had no option but to defend ma'am R. God forgive me for saying that ma'am R is actually a very polite and sweet lady! =D After I had enuff of his crap, I lost my patience (though not cool) and reminded him politely that his beloved daughter is actually repeating the class since she flunked badly in her majors. My readers, you should have seen his face! Now what would you expect from an illiterate moron? A pathetic excuse! O' yes! According to him it was due to the teachers that his child flunked. LMAO!

When he left, I was totally ticked off. I was in no mood to talk to anyone but parents kept coming to me till 2 pm though meeting was supposed to be over at 1 pm. Most parents, who wanted to see me, were of grade 4 girls, partly because I am their new computer instructor and partly because of my strict attitude. I told them that my teaching style is a little bit different as it emphasizes more on concepts than written notes. Honestly, this new batch of grade 4 consists of spoil brats! Their previous computer teacher was quite professional and she didn't bother to work on child's understanding of computer. Besides, she wasn't a bit interested in maintaining class discipline. The kids roam, talk and drink water even when the teacher is present. I am having difficult time with these girls. I lose my temper quickly when I am teaching them. Besides, I explained to parents that why they should let their girls use internet at home. Their apprehensions were typical ones but after my reasoning many of them agreed. I was happy for the meeting turned out to be productive in the end. Samahir's mom loved me for solving her child's communication problem. I told her to buy a journal for her so that she can write down her feelings.

When meeting was over, meher and I discussed that discourteous father as he censured meher also for marking late work in his child's copy. My throat was dry and my voice was hoarse. I had talked constantly for four hours. Before leaving school we had a talk with management and I happily told ma'am R, the wonderful things the father said about her. =p

Books I bought:

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall – Anne Bronte
The Age of Innocence – Edith Wharton
Of Love and Other Demons – Garcia Marquez
Madame Bovary – Gustav Flaubert
Villette – Charlotte Bronte
Principle Centered Leadership – Stephen Covey

I am happy today. Things are getting better at school though not people. Can you imagine? Fifteen or twenty days before, I was totally messed up…. trying hard to hold on. At one point, I felt like killing myself or may be it was flu that was killing me or may be it was stress, whatever! Who cares anyway? Life is just a series of ups and downs … with prolonged down phases and short up ones (which leads me to the conclusion that life is a bitch =p). And since I am lucky enough to have this spell of good fortune, I'll try to make the most of it.

Why is everybody ignoring me? =(

Happy Birthday, Mamira

As we mark your birthday, I can't help cherishing the beautiful moments that spring from the fountains of our friendship. Can't believe that four months ago, we were totally strangers working at the same place and prolly hating each other =p (we belonged to two rival groups) and now that, we are friends, it seems like we have known each other for ages. This goes out to you, along with the birthday cake, of course! =D

Our friendship adds light
to the shadows of living
it shares the rich bounty
and harness of giving

it leads us remember
and never forget
the treasure of faith sent
long ago when we met

Things I didn't do yesterday:

1. Stayed at home
2. Saved money (Oh! Books are so expensive)
3. Checked copies (no, no … no)
4. Worked on my planner (sigh!)
5. Wrote articles (been procrastinating since long)
6. Danced at farewell (I so wanted to! There should some place for teachers' performance)

Happy Moments

• Spending whole day with a friend who understands you (that's mimi)
• Shopping for books from liberty
• Realizing that you have enough books that can last for 6 months
• Knowing that someone you hate was humiliated by the students at farewell (you know who I am talking about)

A minute of silence:

For all those who got killed in bridge-collapse near PAF Masroor Base. Another incident proving insensitivity of our government officials, I wish they were there, driving, when it collapsed. Seriously! I wish the people concerned had taken proper quality control measures in construction of the bridge. I wish no heavy vehicle had been allowed to pass over.

It's sad that we were hanging out, shopping and partying when others were mourning over the deaths of their dear ones, but this is how it goes. Still I feel bad for them especially those who got mutilated. Life will be never same for them. I wish for silver lining in this heavy cloud of gloom and despair.