I think I should start playing FarmVille again.

Quarantine Day 22

Today was the day 17 of lock-down and first day of curfew. It's about to be over now. All  I did was lazing around because I am already a week ahead in two of my courses. So interacted a lot through social media jumping from one medium to another. One should marvel how seamlessly our fingers are moving between changing mediums these days.

After, motivating my friends and relatives to enroll in free online classes I have moved towards my former students so that they can make better use of their time and space. This got me thinking if the lock-downs are a privilege, a necessity or both.


Managing ADHD, Autism, Learning Disabilities, and Concussion in School

Finished reading till symptoms of ADHD week 1.

Poetry in America: Modernism

Half- way through week 1, I was prompted by my long lost interest in Einstein's space-time theory. So had a quick recap about it.

Note to self: 

1. Remember to do jumping jacks at regular intervals during studies.
2. 53 kg is not worth worrying a whole lot about.

You are my night sky,
full of gazillion shiny stars
that reflect 
my dreams and fears.
I can spend the whole night
lying awake-
gazing at you

You are silent and luminous;
and plain-
without hues.
Who needs sunshine
When all I have is
peace and tranquility
when I am around you.

-Zunairah

Like a Phoenix!

It's funny when at job interviews after checking my resume, interviewers ask my age as if confirming.

Person: What is your age?

 Me: *tells him/her*

Person: *jaw drops* You look so young!

Me: Yes, I burn myself after every five years for re-incarnation! (in my head).  *says nothing*. :D

This is something I wrote last month but one thing or another kept me from posting here.

Here you go :)

Mother Nature carried me in her arms

another one-

of her traumatized child

healing invisible physical scars,

mending broken sense of self

with soothing lullabies

and numerous rattling toys.

With the extraordinary love

this wide universe sent

I assemble myself

once again

to walk upon this path;

carrying a head full of perspective

and an uncertain heart.

But that's how it goes -

we cry, we break, and we shatter

thousand times

and He lifts, fixes and mends us

everytime.

Now at this crossroad 

I have realized

the amazing ways 

His forces function;

and why 

His best creation

is always under construction!

-Zunairah

5/8/17

The art of living
is simply giving

feeding a hungry
covering an unclothed
teaching what you learned
hence passing it forth

no tangible substance
neither gem nor treasure
can promise one
an ethereal pleasure

a walk into woods and a child's laughter
and all the mornings hereafter.

-Zunairah

It's funny when you go through your old posts and realize that how different you were back then. You question whether it was you who actually wrote them. No, it must be one of my alters! The experience was overwhelming as someone who has time traveled into his/her past. Some memoirs are direct and daily rants while some are more subtle description of my experiences. Most interesting thing is my wish list which I made almost a decade ago. Let's analyze:

Wish list

- Travel out of the country alone (I did once go to Karachi from Kuwait alone but yep, I want to travel alone)
- Get a laptop 

- Learn how to play guitar (Okay, I did start but not interested anymore)

- Rock climbing/ Cliff diving 

- Social work (I do very occasionally but it has to be more often) 

- Write more poetry (Oh, yes!)

- Learn to really dance (Not interested anymore)

- Blog regularly (Yep!)

- Watch live football match at stadium (hmm... not interested much)

- Learn to sketch and paint 

- Be more assertive

- Get my own car (I would rather have a bicycle now)

And I want to add: 

- Learn new skills
- Learn a new programing language
- Write a poetry book

Some of the skills I have learned so far:

- Sewing 
- Hand embroidery 

- Baking

- Fondant cake decoration

I have to craft my blog readership as well.

He is charming yet savage!

Watch out little red riding hood!

His routine

Come.... eat.... sleep ... go... (x Repeat)

Marital bliss is a myth!

So, it turned out that I had to spend whole day alone due to some unfortunate incident that required my husband's time and presence. It's past 4 am and he isn't back yet. The day went fine but night seemed long because of the silence around. Except for rattle of occasional passing cars it is sickly quiet.

I hope morning brings some good news and my husband otherwise I don't know how I am going to spend another day alone. This is the thing I resent about marriage. One can't enjoy without being thinking of and longing for the other.

Love is when two people keep walking together like parallel lines of a rail track believing that somehow, somewhere, on some plane they will meet.

Yes, love is non-Euclidean.

I am trying to write again after years of silence.

I wonder if somebody still remembers that this place exists. The friends I made thru blogging and my anonymous, quiet followers. Let me hear from you if you are still there.

It's just that I am quite unhappy today. May be it is because sister-in-law is back from Pakistan. Extra and unnecessary interference!

Everybody acts as if their worlds revolve around her. What she eats, what she does becomes a headline. Her words of wisdom should be taken seriously and acted upon. Her kids are the only kids in the world that need love and attention. I am not jealous or something and I really love the kids because they are cute but at times I get this painful realization that I am childless even after 3 years of marriage.

Even when my husband or in-laws, don't say directly, they imply thru their actions that I can't have life of my own unless I bear an off-spring. Specially my husband's indifference to me gives my heart sharp pangs.

The perfect way to spend Sunday

With coffee mug and your favorite book and loads of sunshine :)

So, mother-in-law is back to her old grudgingly fighting habits now after 15 days of her arrival from Pakistan. As usual the root cause is my sister-in-law L. It all started because L's husband didn't wear dark colored shirt for travelling. Mother in law has been nagging her husband for this since yesterday. She blames him for not telling that forty-year-old (who still needs to be told), what to wear. My father-in-law claims that he had but that their son-in-law had told him that he was comfortable with what he was wearing.

Today it started with L's call from Pakistan about her husband's dressing. I mean seriously, when will my sister-in-law learn to solve these trivial marital matters on her own? When would she stop disturbing our family environment? If her kids get sick, MIL raises hell. Our house has become a constant battleground just because of her. Alhamdulillah she hasa house, a doting husband and lovely healthy kids. Also, she lives nearby and visits her mom every other day. No troubling in-laws around. Just one sister-in-law whom both  husband and wife hardly pay a visit. Still, she is not happy and her endless


It's been 3 years for me living here like that, will these things ever change?

On this Valentine's Day, read this amazingly sad love-story of Mr. and Mrs. Jinnah.

Too Lively a Wife She Was For Jinnah!

http://www.jinnah.pk/2012/02/14/too-lively-a-wife-she-was-for-jinnah/

"In his baggage, was a love letter by Ruttie: 

“Try and remember me, beloved, as the flower you plucked and not the flower you tread upon.” 

It’s in a photo-frame at Jinnah’s Mausoleum."

Yesterday, me n zee went to watch this movie Ek Main aur Ek Tu, a light-heart comedy cheered both of us especially after Saturday volcanic eruption at home.

The ugly words still hang in the air, echoes of which disturb my mind. But, I go on pretending not to care. As I am leaving for Karachi in a week, so I have something to look forward to. Couple of weeks away from this madness would be a bliss.

I see that I am blogging after quite a long time, because its difficult to gather my head and heart at one place. They both keep wandering in different directions.

Things to do:

1. Finish remaining shopping
2. Pack gifts
3. Start packing mine and zee's stuff. 

Anyway, it's Valentine's Day today.... let's sing songs of Cupid and Psyche.

Pain is gone and bruises will disappear too within few days. But the soul has deep wounds with permanent scars. A part of me has stopped loving him.

The most painful feeling is the sense of solitude. I don't know whether I am suffering from PMS or its due to the side effects of prolactin-controlling medicine I am taking since two weeks. This mental agony is just too unbearable. When you have no one around to console you and the only person whom you look up for emotional support seem to have other priorities, then you just want to kill yourself. What he fails to understand that unlike other people I don't have my folks and friends here to cheer me. I only have you so I want you to be more considerate. But its the irony of fate that the only person who makes you happy has the power to make you the saddest person on earth.

See the stone set in your eyes

See the thorn twist in your side.

I wait for you.

Sleight of hand and twist of fate

On a bed of nails she makes me wait

And I wait without you

With or without you

With or without you.

Through the storm, we reach the shore

You gave it all but I want more

And I'm waiting for you

With or without you

With or without you.

I can't live with or without you.

And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away

And you give, and you give

And you give yourself away.

My hands are tied, my body bruised

She´s got me with nothing to win

And nothing left to lose.

And you give yourself away

And you give yourself away

And you give, and you give

And you give yourself away.

With or without you

With or without you

I can't live

With or without you.

(U2)

Kitchen Insanity!

These days I am trying my luck in kitchen as I am told that a woman is not considered worthy unless she has mastered the art of cooking. Education and intellect are useless if she can't cook dozens of mouth-watering dishes which her parivaar can savour. One must be thinking with millions of recipes and videos online, plus dozens of cooking channels, it shouldn't be a tough task. But it is, actually! Mother in-laws, control freaks and egoistic like mine, don't like competent daughter in-laws. Kitchen is their kingdom... a forbidden kingdom! And they guard it like anything.

Like a warrior, you have to besiege the fortress. Entering and using her things (yes, everything belongs to her) without invoking her wrath is the first milestone. Once she has stopped making fuss about that you can proceed.

Here comes the battlefield now. She will not tell or guide you but whatever you cook will be critically assessed. If it is not good which of course, happens in the beginning, be prepared for the humiliation you and your family will be facing. And if it turns out to be good and tasty, there will be more faults. And if you dare try something new, time for the backlash! Oh, tomatoes are not used in this dish, or I am sure you didn't use ginger garlic paste in that. Oh, you waste things too much. Oh, why did you hold knife like that? Dayem!

And the most typical statement you hear: hamare yehan to aisa nahi pakta (we don't eat that)... liar!!! She does try all new dishes and will even try your recipes too.

So, I am struggling and juggling my way around the kitchen while reciting verse 13 from Surah Saaf: نَصْرٌ مِّن اللَّهِ وَفَتْحٌ قَرِيبٌ Help from Allah and a near victory.