An unprecedented break

My readers have surely missed me and so have I. First it was my pc that went out of order and then it was me. Though still struggling with my illness, I am finally able to sit in front of pc and write about this ordeal.

Spending a week in a hospital was nothing less than a worst nightmare. What appeared to be a simple case of acute bronchitis, turned out to be an infection in my lung. My fragile body was attacked by some hideous virus and other microorganisms which luckily, were uncovered before they were able to fully surface. But the damage had been done because it’s almost been a month now since I was discharged from the hospital but recovery, contrary to my expectations, is quite slow. At one point it seemed that I won’t be able to pull thru. What I went thru at hospital was quite painful and depressing. As I see my scarred arms I recall the times when nurses searched for veins and sometimes arteries, to drain blood from my body. Ironically, I never felt that bad about self-mutilating. Anyways, that was the time when hopelessness and depression had completely engulfed me. My soul suffered more than my body as it always had. Although people there tried to show me the light but I was too blinded, by tears of suffering, that I couldn’t see it. All around me was misery and agony and I realized that humanity, at large, was suffering. Their hardships and distress increased the intensity of my pain. Even I felt death and I thought may be God wants me.

May be I deserved that. What else do you expect when you have been in a state of deep depression for five months – living on junk food; extreme addiction to caffeine; insomnia? Though not on surface, but my entire body system has become atrophied from long neglect. May be it will take couple of months to get back to normal life but I am happy that I m getting better day by day.

As life goes on, hope lives on.

Love you all.