Now, I am done wid editing blogger template. I miss old me. Yesterday, was hubby's birthday. So, it was a family, we all went out for dinner and that was it. And four days before, on 24 june, it was our second wedding anniversary but as since zee was burdened wid office work even on friday as well, so the day passed quietly. Yes, zee took me to office for a morning drive. His office is about two hours drive from home. So, we headed early at 5:30 a.m. The office is located at a deserted place. Endless sand dunes on both sides and among living species there were camels and few cameleers and yes, I saw white camels too and the cross-bred brown and white. I took pics from my cellphone so they aren't much clear but you can see faint images of white camels.

Camels do cross road and you have to pull over immediately to let them pass. One has to be really careful while driving here.

Click this image and you'll see camels grazing on few grass they found.

Hubby, serious and nervous as the camel crosses the road.

Enlarge the image and you'll see white camels.

Shining sun and glittering sand. A work of Nature's wand!

Yes, after this long hiatus I am back to blogger and I intend to be regular. Life after marriage has been quite turbulent. It took quite a while to gather myself. I will mention my past activities in my coming posts once I m out of this writer's block.

Anyway, for starting, today I went to watch this movie Super 8 at the cinema. My activities here are limited. I can roam in malls, window shopping or occasionally, buy a thing or two or I can go to seaside. Cinema-going is one of my favourite activities. Sometimes, we go to family cafes where my hubby-chubby smokes sheesha while I chatter. :).

The times when uncertainty impedes your growth spiritually. This is what happening with me right now. I have taken a decision and I have to stand by it which is the toughest part. Waiting for Fate to announce its judgement where I rest my case.

Anyway, I was playing this Traveler IQ Challenge game on Facebook and managed to score an IQ of 93. Wow! This explains that my brain is still in working condition.

 Besides, I am reading this post our deadline-driven culture... seems interesting. Do go thru it.

Dear God, for how long will you keep testing my patience?

Today's Quote

Patience shall be my song!

- Sir Thomas Wyatt

They did it again. Everything they say or do has a purpose to hurt me. My friends tell me to ignore and be patient. They are right, patience is something I am losing. I have no one to turn to except God. Not even my parents, not you dear.

Why did it take me too long to realize that? I am the kind that always learn it the hard way!

This is something I wrote years ago about the plight of a woman in Pakistan and India. I had never realized that one day I'll feel related to this poem. Thank you in-laws!

Here it goes:

Lying next to him
with a bruised heart
with dreams all broken
that's how she had to start
carrying her battered self
carefully stepping on broken dreams
holding on to her crumbling hopes
drowning within her salty screams
he couldn't see thru her
the fate has its own strange ways
she kept bleeding inside
and it went on for days and days
she – his pretty little angel
who he possessed her fully and whole
he had her in his arms
and her withering soul
enclosed in a coffin
and as the death-bells chime
she bid herself good bye
and felt alive for the first time!

Early days of marital bliss. You can see the glow which has faded away with time.

My life, my pride, has been broken.

Working on my blog template after long. Seriously, it sucks! Seems like my brain has stopped functioning in a logical way after marriage. The html appears to be an array of bizarre words swirling around my brain. No wonder, women lose their wis-dumb after marriage.

And yes, I am down with flu, thanks to this humidity outside and freezing temperature inside (I so hate centrally air-conditioned houses).

By the way, this article about President Zaradri's wis-dumb is really funny. Do go thru it :).

My Lord! Truly, I am in need of whatever good You bestow on me.

- Surah Al-Qasas, verse 24

With all the insanity going around, in my country and in my house, I have finally found something to be happy about: LGS girls win NASA competition! A statement from the school administration reads:

"The success marks a triumph for Pakistan, and particularly for women who rarely get an opportunity to excel in spheres involving science and advanced technology. It also demonstrates the potential of Pakistani youth, and offers hope at a time when the nation faces many crises.”

The volcano is silent now till the next eruption. The lava has pacified to some extent. Fumes still linger in the atmosphere but they will disappear too with time. But the damage has been done. The lacuna has widened. Time will drop some sand over but the void would never be filled completely because after every volcanic activity, the gap keeps widening.

Unfortunately, yesterday my husband discovered my recent blog posts (the copy I made in ms word). As expected, he didn't like slashing his mother. I told him that there should be some way to went out my anger and I found this very therapeutic. Besides, he didn't like the last three lines of my previous post. Of course, the idea of moving out scares him. It's not his fault. He is a product of a very typical-conservative-influenced-by-Hindu-culture Pakistani society. Here you are not allowed to think outside the box. You are not allowed to have your own perspective. Speaking one's mind is considered blasphemy. My religion gives me right to demand for a separate home, to make my own decisions (of course, with my husband's consent but not like k mommy mana kareingi or hamarey yehan aisa nahin hota) and to strive to cultivate my faculties and for my financial independence. Had my mother-in-law been normal, I wouldn't have thought about that. But I am grateful that he is supportive. He stands by me whenever my in-laws try to slash me. And that's why I am able to bear all this. He thinks moving out will create more distances. What he doesn't realize that though physically close, we are separated by the distance of miles. Only time will tell him that. I just hope I will be around to see that because yester night I prayed to God to make sure mine and my family's life gets over soon and together; since they won't be able to live without me. As for my husband, he has his family to care of him!

Just when things couldn't get worse, there was a verbal warfare today at house. Fire broke the ice. Fragments of thoughts and suppressed feelings of anger and hatred erupted in the form of verbal assaults. Of course, I was the focal point of the collective rage. Whatever I had uttered in the past, the words and statements were morphed and presented as ugly string of characters. Also, the things I had never said or did were attributed to me. Life is not easy here. You have to think twice before even breathing. Everything is analyzed with a twisted angle. I believe when going gets tough one shouldn't be going together. Time and distance together heal the wounds. They just don't understand that! I so wish we move out soon. I desperately need a peace of mind lest I rest in peace.

Nine days to my birthday, what a start!

I was surfing the channels and came across repeat telecast of Shahista's morning programme. It was the set that made me halt because it was designed by IRIS, one of my favourite wedding designers and planners. The programme was dedicated to mothers with Amir Liaquat Hussain as main guest while real-life mothers were also invited who had extra ordinary stories to tell about courage and struggle. While watching the programme and after, I realized I never really thanked God for blessing me with such a great mother and how often I took her for granted. Amir Liaquat's regret was that he didn't get chance to spend time with her mother when she was alive as work kept him busy mostly. As I reflect upon it I do regret too for not spending much time with her, to listen to her. My mother is alive Allhamdulliah, but now that I live far away, and not even allowed to call her daily, I am coming down with a guilty pang. How often have we thought that when we'll wake up next morning, this mother figure won't be present to grace us?

My studies and work kept me busy; she was there with me all the time listening to my craps and it never occurred to me to listen to her as well. She had been thru a lot and there were times when I blamed her for not being strong, for not standing up for her and thus, making me suffer as well. Now I am in her shoes, I have realized how difficult it is. There have been times when I have to be silent in spite of being wronged and the times when I stood up I had to pay a heavy price.

Even during my trip to Pak in February, I couldn't spend time with her. There were my friends and colleagues, my husband's friends and colleagues, distant in-laws, distant relatives, then picnics, parties, lunches, dinners, shopping and some troubles (my mother in law didn't let us live peacefully there too). Amidst these I didn't get chance to stay at my place for more than few hours. She was sad but never mentioned.

Tonight I prayed and thanked Him for His greatest blessing and implored to forgive me for being so thankless. Please God, give me chance to spend more time with her and grant her health, happiness and long life. Ameen!

A blog with a good food for thought:

http://www.marcandangel.com/

I had discovered the meaning of the term 'peace of mind' in real essence when my mother-in-law left for Pakistan for 17 days. When she was leaving she had this thing in mind that I won't be able to handle the responsibilities of the house and she'll be able to follow her bashing-educated-university-girls agenda and in turn make my husband realize what a pathetic good-for-nothing soul his better half is. To her utter disappointment it didn't happen! Now you can expect how this woman with an ego much bigger and bloated than her size and form would react. Yeah, she is on a fault finding mission these days, playing blame games and missing no chance to snub me.

P.S. A moment of silence for those who lost their lives in airplane crash and prayers for the departed souls. May, Allah bless them, Ameen!

To all those ignorant women who have made my life miserable especially you L:

If ignorance is a bliss, you must be orgasmic.

"There's a world I've always known

Somewhere far away from home.

When I close my eyes I see

All the space and mystery.

Ohhh, we can begin again.

Shed our skin, let the sun shine in.

At the edge of the ocean

We can start over again..."

‎- Edge of the ocean by Ivy

No matter what I do, they will never appreciate me.

I am not happy but I think I should start expecting worse from people, in fact I shouldn't expect anything at all - just be passive. There's no fairy tale magic in marriage, you have to work it out yourself. No fairy godmothers to save you. I just learnt that in a year. 

I am reading Shelley these days and his poems are so naturally linked to human emotions. Check this one:

Love's Philosophy

The fountains mingle with the river
And the rivers with the ocean,
The winds of heaven mix for ever
With a sweet emotion;
Nothing in the world is single,
All things by a law divine
In one another's being mingle—
Why not I with thine?

See the mountains kiss high heaven,
And the waves clasp one another;
No sister-flower would be forgiven
If it disdain'd its brother;
And the sunlight clasps the earth,
And the moonbeams kiss the sea—
What are all these kissings worth,
If thou kiss not me?"

— Percy Bysshe Shelley

Given the circumstances and the situations that I have been forced to live with, I dare to question thee, dear Fate, for what sin did I commit to go thru this ordeal that has left me withering and wishing for the god of Hades to take my soul? My mind refuses to accept what contradicts with the morals and ethics I have been taught. Being deprived of intellectual society and compelled to dwell among people especially the fairer sex, of low intellect; has added to my sense of solitude. Lies, broken promises and crushed hopes are the very things I have to deal with for the sake of my "marital bliss". Pardon my imprudence but sometimes when I look back, I feel that my best interests have never been taken into consideration. These hard times have drained the vitality out of my soul. My patience has been tested to the very end and the firm grounds of principles have been shaken. How long do I have to endure this all? Till the end of my existence?

Please free the threads of my life from all tangles and knots.

Tere Waade Par Jiyen Ham To Yeh Jaan Jhoot Jana

Ke Khushi Se Mar Na Jaate Agar Aitbaar Hota

- Ghalib

My dear hubby:

Life is painful and so are you, at times!

I can't help falling in love with my haircut today which I got for the anniversary. The bangs fall perfectly when I untie my hair. I keep checking myself in the mirror after every 5 minutes.

Oh, zuni! Who told you to be so vain :)

Today's Quote

"All humans are dead except those who have knowledge ... And all those who have knowledge are asleep, except those who do good deeds ... And those who do good are deceived, except those who are sincere ... And those who are sincere are always in a state of worry"

- Imam Shafi, the great scholar of Islam

When a woman can't sleep she writes

Just for one night, let my body be mine

Let sleep belong to me alone, let me sleep and awake

Just for one day, let me walk barefoot on the grass

With not a thought in my head

No idea of what to do next.

Just for a moment let there be

No obligations, no deadlines, no questions, no nurturing

No answers, no giving.

Healer, friend, leader, lover.

Teacher, wife, daughter, giver.

Just for one moment let me be just me.

Just for a silent, perfect moment

Let me look in the mirror and see only me.

And then Her.

Let me rest, recline in the Name.

Let time be mine

Just for one moment.

Just for one moment

Let me be anything but a woman.

- Nimra Amjad-Archer

"Clare, I want to tell you, again, I love you. Our love has been the thread through the labyrinth, the net under the high-wire walker, the only real thing in this strange life of mine that I could ever trust. Tonight I feel that my love for you has more density in this world than I do, myself: as though it could linger on after me and surround you, keep you, hold you."

- The Time Travelers Wife

Little joys:

1. playing antashiri with your husband till 2 a.m.
2. asking stupid riddles and then laughing our heads off at the answers.
3. thanking God.

Love after love

This was the prologue of the book The Time Traveler's Wife.. It's quite honest and fairly easy to relate to. Here goes:

The time will come

when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror

and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

By Derek Walcott

Please God, grant me health and forgive my sins.

Un ke dekhe se jo aa jati hai mun par ronaq,

Woh samajhtey hain keh beemar ka haal acha hai

-Ghalib

I feel like chop fallen. I want to retreat to my shell. Expectations from ppl are rarely met but then why do I keep expecting? Why don't I learn the hard way? After all that I have gone thru, I am still not bitter but I guess its a part of being young... we keep hoping... we keep expecting; once I am an old maid, I am sure I'll be quite a bitter and cynical one.

I guess reality has hit me hard again. I should thank you for that.

And reality continues to ruin my life.

What is optimism?', said Cacambo. 'Alas!' said Candide, 'it is the mania of maintaining that everything is well when we are wretched.'" (Candide, Voltaire)

Peace finally. Thank you God! Please, let it last forever.

Seriously, I should keep my big mouth shut!

With all the love in the world

You know the feeling when you discover that somebody actually stood up for you... especially when you are too weak to do that yourself. I can't thank you enuff for all the things you have done for me.

humbled and obliged!

God made her like a flower

a pretty one with a delicate form

nourished her soul with sunshine

with dew drops to quench her thirst

like a nectar divine

until someone came to pluck her

and to plant at his side

where there is no sunshine

but a stale gloomy air

and the flame of his love to survive

I just realized....

This blog is getting old and wise.

*points to the archive.*

Thank you all my readers for your comments and sticking to me through hard times.

Luv,

Today's Quote

"I have dreamed in my life, dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas; they have gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the color of my mind."

- Emily Bronte

I need some space to breathe. I keep listening to her craps and now its eating me from inside. I cannot watch my favourite tv shows except for Q tv while the rest can watch whatever they like. And yeah, every bitter word she spits is to make me stronger (that's what she explained)...would somebody please tell her that she's making me like her - bitter and stone-hearted? Shouldn't her daughter think the same when her mother-in-law utters bitter words. No, she is suffering!

My mother-in-law

She doesn't do what she says and what she does, she never tells anybody.

Why God do I have to deal wid her? Please God, don't test my patience anymore. Please let me rest in peace. I don't want to see tomorrow please God, please.

A chat wid my sis:

Tuba: Life has changed.... from all directions.

xunz: Mine has turned upside down.

Really sad right now... can't describe. Words just don't seem to connect. No hope, no solution. Please God let there be tomorrow without me.

Kerry Lugar Bill

For a sum of 1.5 billion, it makes Pakistan USA's bitch.

Kerry Lugar got carried away!

Two intelligent cows...

U is studying (read copying) about forms of government these days and is posting (read pasting :p) his thoughts on fb. Some of them are:

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

After reading them I couldn't help posting my views in terms of cows:

PAKISTANI DEMOCRACY: You no longer have any cow, the government lords own farms, hire you to take care of them, you still get no milk but government promises that in next 5 years, each man will be able to keep a cow and there will be sufficient milk for everybody to drink.

He: Why do you cry so much?

She: Because it's the privilege of being your wife.

Just stumbled upon this =)

100 Best Novels

Pakistan has other horrors that are way more horrible - the horrors of no bijli, no paani, no security; the horror of meeting the same people for the rest of your life. Capitalism is pretty low on my list. The horror of going back to my hometown only to find it ripped apart is way above it.

-Uns Mufti

Feeling better today.... though I'm still all wrapped up in warm clothes. The weather is changing. October is a fine month in Kuwait. A talk with sis, a cousin, an old student and couple of friends seemed very therapeutic =). Love them and miss them.

Time washes away my lifeline and erodes my soul and what is left is a void - a gaping hole.

Ache

Flu (or swine flue for that matter) is in the air. First my brother-in-law, then his two friends, then my two students and now its me. I m down with fever, sore throat and cold

Why am I finding hard to live with lies they told me?

Trust me, living among illiterate ppl is a real test of patience especially when they are women.

Today's thought

Romeo & Juliet died because of communication lag!

Married life has taken a steady course now and I am back to my normal habit (or rather abnormal) of staying up all night. Some things are destined to remain same. Again living among ppl yet remain isolated; separated by a glass wall... seeing ppl living their lives... trying to include me as well but I am to live alone. Some things are not to be changed.

Why does hope keep springing?

For you

There was a little boy
who had a little toy

When he was good
he was very very good

But when he was bad
he was horrid!

Raat yuun dil mein teri khoi hui yaad aayi;
Jaise viraanay mein chupkay se bahaar aa jaye;
Jaisay sehraaon mein hauley se chalay baad-e-naseem;
Jaisay beemaar ko be-waja qaraar aa jaye

- faiz ahmed faiz

May these vows and this marriage be blessed

Here are some of my wedding pics:



\





Valima:

Once upon a time, there was a little girl who decided not to grow up

It's 3:33 a.m. but sleep seems to be the last thing on my mind... reading tweets, blogs and random stuff on wikipaedia

The only store I hit today was Liberty at Park Towers. Here goes my shopping list.. =D

1. Emma by Jane Austen
2. Frankenstein by Mary Shelley
3. Women in Love by D.H. Lawrence
4. Romeo and Juliet by Shakespeare

I am soo ecstatic!!!

Farewell

Went to school on Tuesday to bid farewell to kids and teachers.... took lots of pictures which I'll upload gradually. Meeting kids was the thing that made my day but though my eyes found pleasure, my heart skipped a beat because it was last time I was seeing them and I am not sure if they would remember me when they'd grow up... I guess that's the way of the world. Sad but true! Meanwhile I am posting some pictures of nursery kids here for my sweet memories which I hope delight you too.

Rija and Adina

The Chinese doll - Hamna

Fahad - a very sophisticated one

My cutie pie - Areej

Anael, Hamza & Maida - friendship never ends

Okay I am back again.... I have got nothing to say right now and I am tired of all this rant about long march. Its so depressing.... I wish we have cheerful to talk about.

I am posting something less depressing; pictures of the kids at my school.


Study time: Esa and Shaheer - Nursery kids



Friends forever:(left)Bakhtawar, Adnan, Atta and Shafia - K.G. 2 kids (my students)


Adnan and Rida


Happiness: Nursery and Playgroup kids

Khwab hein jo teri meri aankhon mein, saarey mitti mein mil jainge

- Mitti, Junoon

I can miss weddings but not book fairs... went to the international book fair at expo and as usual, spent more than half of my salary on books. I am happy though as I managed to get some of the books I had been looking for since long like virgil's aneid and joyce's dubliners. I have enough collection to last for a year... *looks at the shelf with a satisfied smile*

Today's Quote

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

New Year is just four days away. Summing up, contrary to my country and the world’s situation, this year my life had been quite stable after I came back from hospital. I got chance to pursue my dreams and explore myself. Most of my friends went abroad but my work kept me from missing them. Being a school co-coordinator was harder than I thought. People don’t always live up to your expectations. In the course of my job I learned many lessons and luckily the damages were reversible. My experience unveiled beneath-the-surface-traits of many people. It was a bitter disappointment though but I found it easy to move on. People kept walking in and out of my life but I realized that at the end of the day, it didn’t even matter. In short,

This is real, this is me
I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, now
Gonna let the light, shine on me
Now I've found, who I am
There's no way to hold it in
- Demi Lovato

Oh, by the way, I am working on this winter tree with oil pastels. With so much work piled up, I can only hope that it gets completed by the end of holidays. =)



Happy holidays.

Love.

These are are some of my earlier works with oil pastels:

It feels like home...

Well, I am blogging after ages and it feels good. It was my father who noticed as he commented that he hadn't read my views about the current political situation... though he doesn't read my blog but he reads my letters to the editor of Dawn and my posts to numerous groups/blogs/communities.

Its not that I had been busy, its just that I had been out of touch from myself for long. May be because I had been so caught up in sorting other peoples' lives that detached me from self. Still it feels amazing to be writing again which I hope to be doing regularly.

Finished reading Shakespeare's Julius Caesar today, I finally found another person who is interested in literature after Mimi and DN.

Muskan is getting engaged tomorrow and I wish her all the best.

I am enjoying my vacations like anything.... a break I needed for sure. Never found eid such a blessing before. That reminds me of BBQ party on Saturday which is going to be a social gathering of good, bad, old friends-turned-acquaintances and some new colleagues. Somehow, I don't feel like socializing but still, I am looking forward to it ;).

Blow, blow, thou winter wind
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude

It was a full moon night. The terrace was bathed in its silvery lustre, giving it an enchanted look. The streets were deserted and the silence engulfed the atmosphere. Though one would hear the cricket singing in the near distance or the sound of moving vehicles on the road far, still they couldn't affect the serenity of the atmosphere. People seemed to have given themselves up into the arms of Morpheus while the moon and I, wandered along... like old companions.

I am cursed with the ability to think for myself. Seriously!!!

I am done with reading Shaw’s Pygmalion and it’s brilliant in terms of human relationships and conventional perceptions of morality. The play ends with: Indifference is deeper than infatuation.

I have grown quite lazy since I’ve come from hospital. All those drugs that I took and am still taking are to be blamed.

Things to do:

1. Complete my English planner (more like, start planning for August).
2. Practice working with oil pastels
3. Sketch more
4. Finish reading Out of Africa that I started ages ago (the book is really
good… trust me).
5. Eat less junk food.
6. Cut down on coke.
7. Stop thinking too much.

To the Dryad

The chirping of merry birds
the melancholy song of brook
the lovers half asleep in the bush
the sunlight giving their cheeks an auroral look

lying there on a soft-bedded grass
with their forms intertwined
isolated from the world
united in their souls and mind

then, there are men
as handsome as Adonis
soothed by Dryad’s lullaby, they
rest in the arms of Morpheus

And when the earth bathes in silvery luster
of the moon that lights the raven sky
with wind’s moan and cricket’s song,
whispers of Cupid and Psyche’s sigh

she hears all this while she wanders
companionless in the oak land
but as happiness blossoms in her heart
the buds bloom and dense greenery clothes the woodland

when hope dies, her leaves dry up
gradually, in the brook, they fall
until nothing remains except for the silence
the echoes of which tell her sad tale to all

Today’s thought

Ignorance is bliss. Every time a person starts knowing, he dies a little.

The tendons and ligaments of my muscles have been torn apart, disjoining bones and cartilages, caused by carrying a book thicker than my wrists and heavier than my weight. This Guinness Encyclopedia has made my wrists and arms shout PAIN. The saddest part is that the more I move my arms, the more they ache. It’s like a sharp twinge of pain traveling thru blood stream or neurons transmitting painful signals in my body. And I cannot sit still. It’s a sheer torture!

Zoya

The youngest and cutest person in our art class =)

Reincarnation

Finally I am out of depression phase. Okay here are some of my sketches:

Surrounded by family, friends and many others… yet I am alone. They all have disappeared into infinite darkness and here I am... companionless and drenched in my pain. Life has never been easy. Suicide? I don’t want to end up doing that but sometimes; it’s the only way out. But razor is my savior for tonight. Neither tears stop flowing nor the blood.

Things in the nutshell...

I am doing well in my fine art class and my teacher seems to be impressed.

I have rejoined school and will be teaching english instead of computers... that's okay since I love english and computer both =p.

It has recently been disclosed that my employers and my colleagues admire me very much because of my attitude.... well, its a relief as I have learnt to get along with people but still, the credit goes to my employers since they are nice and educated people =).

My friendship with mimi has taken new course as we have started discovering each other's clandestine (read dark =p) sides and this has lead to better understanding between us. Infact, I have started confiding in her and feel secure with that... its not everyday you come across such people.

I have discovered that anti-depressants are of no use to me.... depression is an integral part of my life and I would have to learn to live with it.

We are having really bad summers with hot and humid climate and kesc blessings =p

These days I am reminiscizing more about past and thinking why do bad things happen to good people?

Bibliophily

My recent indulgences include shopping impulsively for a dozen of books. The only thing certain in my life is the uncertainty and to cope with that, God has given me a spontaneous personality. Here goes the books list: =D

1. A Brief History of Times – Stephen Hawking
2. Death at my Doorstep – Khushwant Singh
3. Animal Farm – George Orwell
4. The Princess – Jean Sasson
5. One Hundred years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
6. Love in the Time of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
7. Princess in Love (Princess Diaries III) – Meg Cabot
8. Princess in Waiting (Princess Diaries IV) – Meg Cabot
9. 11 Minutes – Paulo Coelho
10. Mein Kampf (My Struggle) – Adolf Hitler
11. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
12. Pygmalion – Bernard Shaw

I have a habit of taking solitary walk on terrace at night. The weather is awesome today. The soft gentle zephyr calmed my agitated mind and thoughts flew away like butterflies. The atmosphere was pregnant with peace – the starless cloudy sky with moon behind the clouds… illuminating them with its white glowing light. Gradually, my emotions started harmonizing with the environment and finally brought peace to my soul.

I shall have some peace there,
for peace comes dropping slow,
dropping from the veils of the morning,
to where the cricket sings

As they say: Too many cooks spoil the broth.

It was obvious from the beginning that the coalition between PPP and PML N wouldn't last long. PML N federal ministers have submitted their resignations to the Prime Minister.


Something that Saadi wrote on Big B's wall on facebook:

"by the way stop predicting Pakistan's Future its already dark without ur predictions :P"

LOL! I second that =)

Spent a day at mimi's place... I always enjoy talking to her and playing with her kids. Its not everyday you meet people who you can have intellectual conversations with. She has vast knowledge about many things and she is an awesome writer. I persuaded her to get into blogging.

She also lent me two books:

1) Out of Africa
2) River God

About our politicians:

They are men of words but not deeds.

So true!

Lolz.

Things I cannot do:

• play football
• drink coffee, pepsi
• eat junk food
• drive
• dance
• skate
• swim
• go to work

Things I can do:

• read books
• write
• watch tele
• stay up whole night
• talk to friends
• hang out with them for a while

Slavish copycats

For all Atif Aslam fans, especially who love his song Pehli Nazar of movie RACE, this is a *HUGE* disappointment!



As mentioned in a comment, the song was part of the soundtrack of a 2005 Korean tele series titled, 'Kwae-geol Chun-hyang' (Delightful Girl Choon-Hyang or Sassy Girl Chun Hyang).

Well, you can expect this in bollywood flicks infact, plagiarism now has become a characteristic of indian movies. Still... thumbs down for the music composer Pritam!

And you can expect similar things (or much worse) from artists like Ali Zafar (whose Lux song's composition was a plagarised version of an arabic song), Atif Aslam and manyyyyyy more who have sold their souls (and songs) to commercialists!

No work and no play makes xuni sad and an indolent being.

Today's song:

The following song is not the type I usually listen to, but somehow for reasons unknown to this writer as well, she feels she can relate to this one =p

Bleeding Love


Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

-Leona Lewis

Today's thought

Man proposes, God disposes.


Happy Pakistan Day to all.

An unprecedented break

My readers have surely missed me and so have I. First it was my pc that went out of order and then it was me. Though still struggling with my illness, I am finally able to sit in front of pc and write about this ordeal.

Spending a week in a hospital was nothing less than a worst nightmare. What appeared to be a simple case of acute bronchitis, turned out to be an infection in my lung. My fragile body was attacked by some hideous virus and other microorganisms which luckily, were uncovered before they were able to fully surface. But the damage had been done because it’s almost been a month now since I was discharged from the hospital but recovery, contrary to my expectations, is quite slow. At one point it seemed that I won’t be able to pull thru. What I went thru at hospital was quite painful and depressing. As I see my scarred arms I recall the times when nurses searched for veins and sometimes arteries, to drain blood from my body. Ironically, I never felt that bad about self-mutilating. Anyways, that was the time when hopelessness and depression had completely engulfed me. My soul suffered more than my body as it always had. Although people there tried to show me the light but I was too blinded, by tears of suffering, that I couldn’t see it. All around me was misery and agony and I realized that humanity, at large, was suffering. Their hardships and distress increased the intensity of my pain. Even I felt death and I thought may be God wants me.

May be I deserved that. What else do you expect when you have been in a state of deep depression for five months – living on junk food; extreme addiction to caffeine; insomnia? Though not on surface, but my entire body system has become atrophied from long neglect. May be it will take couple of months to get back to normal life but I am happy that I m getting better day by day.

As life goes on, hope lives on.

Love you all.

"Poetry begins with delight and ends in wisdom"
-Robert Frost

Today's Quote

"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a great ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair."
-Bertrand Russell

I have got a lot of useless knowledge in my head.

Forget, forget thy dreams.

I know it's a bit late to make a post about New Year, somehow, I didn't feel like celebrating… with so much suffering around us, it didn't seem to be worth it. I swear to God, this year we have just about had enough.

No resolutions for this year as well 'cuzz I hardly keep any.

My recent indulgences:

 Staying up whole night till 5 am and sometimes 6
 Watching every movie they show on hbo and showmovies
 Consuming coffee
 Downloading the books I want to read from internet, then realizing that reading from computer is painful so better go and buy them.

Well, I do resolve to change my dissolute course of life. Staying home has transformed me into an indolent being. By the way, watching striking poses of Ms. Bhutto on all channels for a week, made me gather that she was indeed pretty. :)

I just hope that we all have it in our hearts to help those in need, whether it is your maid who is too sick to come for work, a child who is searching for food in rubbish, the homeless man who is living on the corner of your street, or even just being a good role model to those who look up to you. If we all do our part to be good people, the world will definitely be a better place.

Happy New Year.

Love.

I went to school today, though not early… at around 11. All schools were closed except our unique school. Many teachers showed up but not all. Things seemed to be back to normal in the morning. Assuming that mourning period is over, most of the shops were opened. The deserted roads became little populous with transports. Except for few most people went to offices also. But at around Zohr prayer time, we heard gunshots and came to know that all neighboring shops were being forced to shut down.

We stayed at school for a while to be sure that firing was over and then set off for home. Since I didn't take the main route because of possible danger, so while moving thru the lanes of residential area I saw a crowd of women around the fruit and vegetable sellers – it’s the end of the month and people are running out of groceries, there were bunch of kids and teens in every lane who seemed worried and almost everyone appeared to be talking on cell phone…. uncles on terrace, teens outside houses and were staring at me in wonder where this girl is heading to in such horrible situation!

Karachiites are going thru worst period of their lives. Never had been situation such horrendous as been after Bhutto's assassination. Ugly scars of violence are spread across the city… because this southern region is dominated by Bhutto's supporters.

And as the darkness completely engulfs the city, I can feel the emotion of Pakistan's loss in the cold breeze of night.

I wish our politicians had been foresighted enuff to envisage this all but then… they wouldn't be our country's politicians!