Today's fortune:
You will spend old age in comfort and material wealth

Well, this is what i found on my orkut's homepage. I'm getting old... and wise =D

Over the past few weeks – I have felt so isolated and at one point it seemed that my loneliness is going to be the end of me.

Maybe it's because I have been closing myself off from people that I feel so disconnected from them. Maybe it's because I have perfected the art of building up facades that hardly anyone can see through it unless - they are searching to the extent of uncomfortable probing, and no one I know of immediately would bother.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone really knows me, the real me for that matter. I have found solace in writing and gone are the days I search for a shoulder to cry on… look for arms to be wrapped up in. And even though I'm strong enough to have survived without that, I can't fill the emptiness inside. And now that I am sitting in silence with teary eyes… I admit to myself that yes, I am lonely.

Today was grade 5's monthly test and the students really tested my patience. Everything was written in black and white but still they were asking how and what to do. Some of them even argued.

Kid 1: Miss you have given the picture of floppy so what do we have to write in the space for device name?

Kid 2: Miss we have to write floppy in the blank for device name, right?

Kid 3: Miss we have written in our note book that video cards have memory and processor but in the choices you have given: (a) memory (b) processor (c) both
Which one should we choose?

And to my utmost disappointed, 99% of them selected either option (a) or (b). Sigh

May be it's not all their fault. They are so used to 'ratification' and spoon feeding that they find it difficult to attempt a paper that involves using common sense. This is a major drawback of our educational system. It's hard to introduce something new or to bring about reforms since resistance comes from all directions. There are very few parents who appreciate such measures while the rest of the parent population is only concerned with child's marks.

Things to do:
- check monthly test papers of grade 4A
- check copies of grade 4 students

I have been procrastinating checking work since long. Nothing is preventing me from checking except for pure dedicated laziness.

Is it just my luck that everyone insists on being absolutely mean and downright cruel, exactly the same day?

To hell with everyone!
Leave me alone.

... on the verge of breaking down.

My creative process

Ever since I was a child, a seat near the window has always been my favorite place. Lost in reveries, I sit motionless and watch through the glass. My thoughts wander along with the changing frame of reference. They come to halt only when the vehicle stops. And then I look around as if suddenly awakened from a sleep.

My mind has been a captive of wanton thoughts long before I was able to formulate them into words. They bang against the walls of my head like butterflies fluttering in a cage. I hear them as they echo till they take form of and come out as what we call - ideas.

People say I was born creative and may be that's the reason I have sought ways to express myself. Seeking ways implies that curbs were imposed from time to time on the expression when it seemed to be deviating from the norms – fictitious norms to be precise; and respective measures were taken in order to make it conform. Since limitations seldom diminish the creative power of an individual, ideas keep originating and keep seeking ways to emerge.

Well, blogger has gone all gmail and I, along with most of the other native bloggers, won't be able to access this New Blogger. It's annoying. The blogger ban has been a source of constant misery since it was enforced.

The Constitution grants me the right to freedom of speech. I will not move to Wordpress. Porn sites and other obscene materials are accessible, rapists and murderers can roam around scot-free, in the Parliament and on the streets, and Blogspot will apparently be the end of us all.

For the PTA and them ISPs (and whoever else is responsible for this); for heaven’s sake, QUIT BLOCKING BLOGS!!! It is entirely uncalled for!!!

Hmph.

Anyone for a protest?

Kids Programming Language (KPL)

KPL (Kids Programming Language) is an outstanding language developed by Morrison Schwartz, a software development and consulting company. It makes easy for kids to learn computer programming and what they call “computer logic”.

I have downloaded and installed it. I can’t wait to see my students writing their code in KPL. In fact, I have decided to introduce it in grade 4 as well. Initially my plan is to make them write codes to print statements in different colors. This would be enough for an 8 or 9-year-old kid.

I am thinking about writing some codes myself to create some educational programs. The syntax is very much similar to VB. With KPL, students will also get familiar to .NET environment. I suppose KPL will soon replace BASIC as “Beginners Programming Language”. Hail KPL!!!

P.S. I have added KPL’s link under teacher’s guide section.

Obituary: Author Sidney Sheldon dies

This is sad :( .

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/6315875.stm


I like to write about women who are talented and capable, but who retain their femininity
-Sidney Sheldon

Is it true?

From toothpaste for dinner

Will it solve the problem?

From toothpaste for dinner

Yay!!!

I got registered at rice bowl journals. Feel good, ... in fact great : )

I have realized that I have consumed a considerable amount of junk food in past 2 weeks. Must cut down on caffeine also. It’s causing pimples. Damn!

Still, my computer desk has two packs of kurleez and a Pepsi can. [:p] Wish I could take picture of current state of the desk. Along with foodstuff; there is a pen - which I’m sure, cannot write; my cell; MS Office cd; a USB; then there are 2 or 3 notebooks; few scratched mobile prepaid cards; and two empty cans of carbonated drink that I consumed last night. Looking at this messy desk, I can’t help recalling that how messy my life used to be once. Though it’s pretty smooth now but I wonder how long this smoothness would last. A few days ago S commented on me for not sharing things with friends, even muskan said that I should be open with friends. May be I’m not ready to trust people yet. I have learned not to share pain and let people know about messiness in my life and that’s the reason I’m happy. After all, sharing it doesn’t lessen the pain or cleans up the mess – it’s individual’s all. No one can understand it or make it better than the person himself. Yes, I have learned the hard way!

Today’s Quote

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them and try to follow them.
-Louisa May Alcott

Tagged by a freind

I am thinking about:
random stuff

I said:
did anyone hear me?

I want to:
· Study mass communication & journalism
· Learn salsa and flamenco
· Travel …in fact fly away to a place where no one knows me
· Make my students accomplished ladies and women of substance

I wish:
· I had more than 24 hours at my disposal
· I had perpetual insomnia
· I had my own library of books
· I could shop more …no shop less, I’m already shopping a lot
· I could be less spontaneous … cuzz even I don’t know what I might do next.
· I could be anonymous

I miss:
some good old days :)

I wonder:
what I will be doing this time, next year

I regret:
· The times when I panicked and lost my cool
· The times when I trusted the wrong people

I hear:
· Music …it lives in my head and rots my brain :P
· Thoughts…. they echo

I am:
· happy (to some extent)
· spontaneous (to very extent)

I dance:
like noone’s watching

I sing:
passionately and terribly off-key lol

I cry:
at pretty much everything

I am not:
· always docile
· a diplomat and can never be…cuzz I hate hypocrites!

I make with my hands:
drawings …nail art

I write:
about loads of stuff

I confuse:
myself

I need:
to really figure my life out

I should try:
to be more honest about my feelings

I finish:
Tasks I start ...unless it’s cleaning my room :D

Here I am, with my upgraded yahoo avatar. It looks groovy representing my new state of mind. After wearing gothic costume for long time, I have decided to give it a change. It’s just a change in outlook. I still have those loyal gothic roots in my heart that cannot be uprooted easily.

Finally, got three days off on account of aashura. No big plans except to sleep. Last two weeks had been horrible. I was overworked and under rested. It reflected in my attitude too. Besides, I was highly pms-ed and threw tantrums at everyone. This doesn’t mean I m using this as an excuse but it was one of the reasons of my going berserk.

A wounded finger, have I
a deep incision, has it
dark red with traces of
dried blood
and pain double
in proportion to a normal winter’s day
withering like a dry leaf
pathetic and hopeless,
appears this finger today
-Zunairah

Connecting people...

It’s so depressing to lie in bed with nothing to do. Well, I rummaged through my inbox, read all the saved messages and then forwarded them to almost everyone in my contact book. After half an hour, I had sent 50 SMSes and my balance showed Rs. 12, which were 85 before I started off.

Today I did something I shouldn’t do. I lost my cool and said stuff I shouldn’t have. I hurt my friends and in turn its hurting me now. I still get flared up easily. I need to work on it. Maybe it was due to anger that’s boiling up inside. I have learnt not to expect anything from people around but then I still get hurt. I am more into my work and myself than I was ever before but it still saddens me when people leave me out. I know it is just another incident but it doesn’t help. I am unable to accept the fact that they did it deliberately. And they want me to open up and share my life with them. Duh!

I have always found it hard to relate to people and it’s something I will never be able to. I’m just that type of person and I don’t want people to intrude. I wish they would care more - but expectations from the people around you are so rarely met; that I would rather treasure what I have rather than expecting something I know noone can understand.

OMG! The students are in love with this brain pop site. It’s an animated educational site for young kids. It contains animated videos explaining different topics concerning various disciplines. Last time I showed them movie that explains working of computer mouse, which was really interesting. The students took online quiz as well. Even Mr. Amin was quite happy when I told him. He is willing to register at this site.