Will it solve the problem?

From toothpaste for dinner

Yay!!!

I got registered at rice bowl journals. Feel good, ... in fact great : )

I have realized that I have consumed a considerable amount of junk food in past 2 weeks. Must cut down on caffeine also. It’s causing pimples. Damn!

Still, my computer desk has two packs of kurleez and a Pepsi can. [:p] Wish I could take picture of current state of the desk. Along with foodstuff; there is a pen - which I’m sure, cannot write; my cell; MS Office cd; a USB; then there are 2 or 3 notebooks; few scratched mobile prepaid cards; and two empty cans of carbonated drink that I consumed last night. Looking at this messy desk, I can’t help recalling that how messy my life used to be once. Though it’s pretty smooth now but I wonder how long this smoothness would last. A few days ago S commented on me for not sharing things with friends, even muskan said that I should be open with friends. May be I’m not ready to trust people yet. I have learned not to share pain and let people know about messiness in my life and that’s the reason I’m happy. After all, sharing it doesn’t lessen the pain or cleans up the mess – it’s individual’s all. No one can understand it or make it better than the person himself. Yes, I have learned the hard way!

Today’s Quote

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them and try to follow them.
-Louisa May Alcott

Tagged by a freind

I am thinking about:
random stuff

I said:
did anyone hear me?

I want to:
· Study mass communication & journalism
· Learn salsa and flamenco
· Travel …in fact fly away to a place where no one knows me
· Make my students accomplished ladies and women of substance

I wish:
· I had more than 24 hours at my disposal
· I had perpetual insomnia
· I had my own library of books
· I could shop more …no shop less, I’m already shopping a lot
· I could be less spontaneous … cuzz even I don’t know what I might do next.
· I could be anonymous

I miss:
some good old days :)

I wonder:
what I will be doing this time, next year

I regret:
· The times when I panicked and lost my cool
· The times when I trusted the wrong people

I hear:
· Music …it lives in my head and rots my brain :P
· Thoughts…. they echo

I am:
· happy (to some extent)
· spontaneous (to very extent)

I dance:
like noone’s watching

I sing:
passionately and terribly off-key lol

I cry:
at pretty much everything

I am not:
· always docile
· a diplomat and can never be…cuzz I hate hypocrites!

I make with my hands:
drawings …nail art

I write:
about loads of stuff

I confuse:
myself

I need:
to really figure my life out

I should try:
to be more honest about my feelings

I finish:
Tasks I start ...unless it’s cleaning my room :D

Here I am, with my upgraded yahoo avatar. It looks groovy representing my new state of mind. After wearing gothic costume for long time, I have decided to give it a change. It’s just a change in outlook. I still have those loyal gothic roots in my heart that cannot be uprooted easily.

Finally, got three days off on account of aashura. No big plans except to sleep. Last two weeks had been horrible. I was overworked and under rested. It reflected in my attitude too. Besides, I was highly pms-ed and threw tantrums at everyone. This doesn’t mean I m using this as an excuse but it was one of the reasons of my going berserk.

A wounded finger, have I
a deep incision, has it
dark red with traces of
dried blood
and pain double
in proportion to a normal winter’s day
withering like a dry leaf
pathetic and hopeless,
appears this finger today
-Zunairah

Connecting people...

It’s so depressing to lie in bed with nothing to do. Well, I rummaged through my inbox, read all the saved messages and then forwarded them to almost everyone in my contact book. After half an hour, I had sent 50 SMSes and my balance showed Rs. 12, which were 85 before I started off.

Today I did something I shouldn’t do. I lost my cool and said stuff I shouldn’t have. I hurt my friends and in turn its hurting me now. I still get flared up easily. I need to work on it. Maybe it was due to anger that’s boiling up inside. I have learnt not to expect anything from people around but then I still get hurt. I am more into my work and myself than I was ever before but it still saddens me when people leave me out. I know it is just another incident but it doesn’t help. I am unable to accept the fact that they did it deliberately. And they want me to open up and share my life with them. Duh!

I have always found it hard to relate to people and it’s something I will never be able to. I’m just that type of person and I don’t want people to intrude. I wish they would care more - but expectations from the people around you are so rarely met; that I would rather treasure what I have rather than expecting something I know noone can understand.

OMG! The students are in love with this brain pop site. It’s an animated educational site for young kids. It contains animated videos explaining different topics concerning various disciplines. Last time I showed them movie that explains working of computer mouse, which was really interesting. The students took online quiz as well. Even Mr. Amin was quite happy when I told him. He is willing to register at this site.

New Year Resolutions

In my introductory classes I explained to students that what a New Year resolution is and its significance in one’s life. After discussion I told them to make their own resolution. No doubt, they came up with some really interesting ones:

• I will take bath daily.
• I will be responsible.
• I will listen to my parents.
• I will not fight with my elder sister.
• I will slap my brother.
• I will dress nicely.
• I will study to make my mother happy.

hmm… what else can you expect from 8 to 10 year old kids?

Don’t we just love our employers for giving us fast net? It’s been six months and I have downloaded around 50 songs (including 5 videos) :D.

tum jab aao gi mujhay khoya hoya pao gi,
mairee tanhayee main khawabon kay siwa kuch bhee nahi.
mairay kamray ko sajanay ki tamanna hai tumhain,
mairay kamray main kitaboon kay siwa kuch bhee nahi.
inn kitaboon main ek ramz hai jis ka mara hoya zehan,
mazda-e-ishrat-e-anjam paa nahi sakta,
zindigee main aaraam paa nahi sakta

Blessed be Mary!

I just stumbled upon this painting of Kretz featuring our demigoddess Miss Jolie, while surfing. The disappointing factor is the portrayal of Angelina as Virgin Mary – I mean come on, she is holding a daughter born out of wedlock and is still virgin?

As for the celebrity worship process, it would be better if she were depicted as Venus or Aphrodite. The beauty and goodness does not equate with divinity. As Blake Gopnik (Washington Post art critic) said, “Once you've deciphered it, there's not much chance of giving it a second look."

I second that.

Same old brand new ME

I love Sundays… in fact I love all holidays but Sunday is somewhat special in a way that all the procrastinated work is completed on Sunday. It’s funny how I simply label the tasks that I don’t wanna do as to be done on Sunday in the hope that someone else would do the work. Above all, StarWorld runs about 5 episodes of The Bold & The Beautiful back-to-back on Sundays.

I am back pretty much to my old self now – happy, shiny, crazy, and full of life. Though future still seems hazy - clouded by my own fears and insecurities but now I can see a silver lining in the clouds.

Scary…isn’t it?

Three days ago I was thinking of tasting blood because I was sure of my vampiredom. I looked at my teeth closely wondering if I had some long pointed canine teeth.

Yesterday I was having an online conversation with Sheeb, when she asked that if I thought she could be spontaneous. It just occurred to me that she might be practicing telekinesis so I asked, “you mean in existence?”

Today I was standing at the terrace in front of full moon hoping if I could get transformed into a werewolf.

Today’s Thought: I am different

If you knew me yesterday,
please do not think that I am the same person that you are meeting today.
I have experienced more of life,
I have encountered new depths in those I love,
I have suffered and prayed...
and I am different.

2006 in review…

I am not a firm believer of astrology but the following prediction appeared last year on msn's site, somehow, turned out to be true.

LEO in 2006 – Challenge

You’re not one to acknowledge limitations, Leo, and thus when others sneer about your ambitions, you’re more inclined to stubbornly continue to work toward attaining them than to listen to your friends and give up. This year, you just might step over the edge and embrace some goals that most would consider impossible – and you could make a success of them. The resulting boost in your self-confidence could strengthen your love life. Committed Lions will experience a rebirth of romance; the uninvolved will attract it. The effort will, however, take its toll on your stamina if you’re not careful. It’s important that you stay healthy and not neglect your body. Once you’ve attained some of your dearest dreams, you’ll want to enjoy your good fortune.

I started off wondering if I would ever be happy again.

In 2006, I decided to write seriously and started working as a freelance writer. I stepped in the corporate world, got a decent job but quit early – a courtesy of politically charged environment. Then applied for job as a teacher in a reputable school and since then my life has been pretty smooth. I had never taught before and I never wanted to, took it as a challenge just to prove that I could do something but now- it would be my last job. I have discovered some of my creative skills while teaching and now when parents and my employers praise me, I consider myself accomplished.

In 2006, I regained self-confidence and achieved my goals instead of giving up as it seemed at one point.

In 2006, I discovered, for the first time in years, happiness that was not co-dependent on my relationships with other people.

To all the people who made the year bearable, happy, great - thanks. :)

To the people who didn't – well, I believe in karma.

Scrap crap

Following is a sort of conversation between humzie and me who happened to come across my profile after a long time.
Some doodling scribbles that we made in each other’s scrapbook:

Humzie: n when did u get committed n to who? :O

Me: Lets say, i'm committed to my work and myself.
what about u? single??? since when? u look cute

Humzie: fooling me eh? :P
yeah im singleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! *sigh*
complications of life! :D
*wink wink*

Me: i wonder how a pretty n hot girl like u could be single but yeah life is too complicated n so are men! ;)

Humzie: lol! but that doesnt mean ive given up on life and RELATIONSHIPS! :D
im not just hot.. im willing and able ! LOL!
yaar bas dekhlo! qadar hi nai hai :(

Me: good! that's the spirit! (Y)
u rock girl!

Humzie: THANKYOU THANKYOU *BOWS* LOL!
have fun girl..:) invite me to ur wedding whenever it happens to take place.... i might come down! thats coz i love shadi ka khana! :D

Me: don't worry i'll whenever it happens...would send you tickets.
by the way, i'm not formally engaged yet :D ...engagement is prolly in feb.

Humzie: thats awesomeness!
whos the guy.. disclose it to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Me: u don't know him...he doesn't live here :D shaadi par aaogi to dekh lena

Humzie: bas fine!!!!!! i'll know some1 else here then! :D
yaar dhoondo na koi chika!!! :D ahahhaa so i also get married when i come down to attend urz! haha! pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee! /)

Me: what abt canadians? aren't they hot?
he lives in kuwait...ussey keh doongi so that hum dono saath rahein...waisey koi arab chale ga? ;)

Humzie: y notttttttt as long as hes HOT! lol
and ITALIANS are soooooo hot.... uff!

Me: n so r brazillians LOL!

Humzie: are theyyyyyyyyyy???????????
OMG! wah wahh.. so much hotness on earth! :D LOL

Me: LMAO! we should come down now...heaven seems boring :D

I am cracking up these days. Some sure signs are:

• Singing loudly while walking on streets.
  
• Dancing at terrace.
  
• Listening to romantic ballads.
  

I know what you guys are thinking. No! I am not in love; it’s just the phase I am going through. :D