Blow, blow, thou winter wind
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude

It was a full moon night. The terrace was bathed in its silvery lustre, giving it an enchanted look. The streets were deserted and the silence engulfed the atmosphere. Though one would hear the cricket singing in the near distance or the sound of moving vehicles on the road far, still they couldn't affect the serenity of the atmosphere. People seemed to have given themselves up into the arms of Morpheus while the moon and I, wandered along... like old companions.

I am cursed with the ability to think for myself. Seriously!!!

I am done with reading Shaw’s Pygmalion and it’s brilliant in terms of human relationships and conventional perceptions of morality. The play ends with: Indifference is deeper than infatuation.

I have grown quite lazy since I’ve come from hospital. All those drugs that I took and am still taking are to be blamed.

Things to do:

1. Complete my English planner (more like, start planning for August).
2. Practice working with oil pastels
3. Sketch more
4. Finish reading Out of Africa that I started ages ago (the book is really
good… trust me).
5. Eat less junk food.
6. Cut down on coke.
7. Stop thinking too much.

To the Dryad

The chirping of merry birds
the melancholy song of brook
the lovers half asleep in the bush
the sunlight giving their cheeks an auroral look

lying there on a soft-bedded grass
with their forms intertwined
isolated from the world
united in their souls and mind

then, there are men
as handsome as Adonis
soothed by Dryad’s lullaby, they
rest in the arms of Morpheus

And when the earth bathes in silvery luster
of the moon that lights the raven sky
with wind’s moan and cricket’s song,
whispers of Cupid and Psyche’s sigh

she hears all this while she wanders
companionless in the oak land
but as happiness blossoms in her heart
the buds bloom and dense greenery clothes the woodland

when hope dies, her leaves dry up
gradually, in the brook, they fall
until nothing remains except for the silence
the echoes of which tell her sad tale to all

Today’s thought

Ignorance is bliss. Every time a person starts knowing, he dies a little.

The tendons and ligaments of my muscles have been torn apart, disjoining bones and cartilages, caused by carrying a book thicker than my wrists and heavier than my weight. This Guinness Encyclopedia has made my wrists and arms shout PAIN. The saddest part is that the more I move my arms, the more they ache. It’s like a sharp twinge of pain traveling thru blood stream or neurons transmitting painful signals in my body. And I cannot sit still. It’s a sheer torture!

Zoya

The youngest and cutest person in our art class =)

Reincarnation

Finally I am out of depression phase. Okay here are some of my sketches:

Surrounded by family, friends and many others… yet I am alone. They all have disappeared into infinite darkness and here I am... companionless and drenched in my pain. Life has never been easy. Suicide? I don’t want to end up doing that but sometimes; it’s the only way out. But razor is my savior for tonight. Neither tears stop flowing nor the blood.

Things in the nutshell...

I am doing well in my fine art class and my teacher seems to be impressed.

I have rejoined school and will be teaching english instead of computers... that's okay since I love english and computer both =p.

It has recently been disclosed that my employers and my colleagues admire me very much because of my attitude.... well, its a relief as I have learnt to get along with people but still, the credit goes to my employers since they are nice and educated people =).

My friendship with mimi has taken new course as we have started discovering each other's clandestine (read dark =p) sides and this has lead to better understanding between us. Infact, I have started confiding in her and feel secure with that... its not everyday you come across such people.

I have discovered that anti-depressants are of no use to me.... depression is an integral part of my life and I would have to learn to live with it.

We are having really bad summers with hot and humid climate and kesc blessings =p

These days I am reminiscizing more about past and thinking why do bad things happen to good people?

Bibliophily

My recent indulgences include shopping impulsively for a dozen of books. The only thing certain in my life is the uncertainty and to cope with that, God has given me a spontaneous personality. Here goes the books list: =D

1. A Brief History of Times – Stephen Hawking
2. Death at my Doorstep – Khushwant Singh
3. Animal Farm – George Orwell
4. The Princess – Jean Sasson
5. One Hundred years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
6. Love in the Time of Cholera – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
7. Princess in Love (Princess Diaries III) – Meg Cabot
8. Princess in Waiting (Princess Diaries IV) – Meg Cabot
9. 11 Minutes – Paulo Coelho
10. Mein Kampf (My Struggle) – Adolf Hitler
11. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen
12. Pygmalion – Bernard Shaw

I have a habit of taking solitary walk on terrace at night. The weather is awesome today. The soft gentle zephyr calmed my agitated mind and thoughts flew away like butterflies. The atmosphere was pregnant with peace – the starless cloudy sky with moon behind the clouds… illuminating them with its white glowing light. Gradually, my emotions started harmonizing with the environment and finally brought peace to my soul.

I shall have some peace there,
for peace comes dropping slow,
dropping from the veils of the morning,
to where the cricket sings

As they say: Too many cooks spoil the broth.

It was obvious from the beginning that the coalition between PPP and PML N wouldn't last long. PML N federal ministers have submitted their resignations to the Prime Minister.


Something that Saadi wrote on Big B's wall on facebook:

"by the way stop predicting Pakistan's Future its already dark without ur predictions :P"

LOL! I second that =)

Spent a day at mimi's place... I always enjoy talking to her and playing with her kids. Its not everyday you meet people who you can have intellectual conversations with. She has vast knowledge about many things and she is an awesome writer. I persuaded her to get into blogging.

She also lent me two books:

1) Out of Africa
2) River God

About our politicians:

They are men of words but not deeds.

So true!

Lolz.

Things I cannot do:

• play football
• drink coffee, pepsi
• eat junk food
• drive
• dance
• skate
• swim
• go to work

Things I can do:

• read books
• write
• watch tele
• stay up whole night
• talk to friends
• hang out with them for a while

Slavish copycats

For all Atif Aslam fans, especially who love his song Pehli Nazar of movie RACE, this is a *HUGE* disappointment!



As mentioned in a comment, the song was part of the soundtrack of a 2005 Korean tele series titled, 'Kwae-geol Chun-hyang' (Delightful Girl Choon-Hyang or Sassy Girl Chun Hyang).

Well, you can expect this in bollywood flicks infact, plagiarism now has become a characteristic of indian movies. Still... thumbs down for the music composer Pritam!

And you can expect similar things (or much worse) from artists like Ali Zafar (whose Lux song's composition was a plagarised version of an arabic song), Atif Aslam and manyyyyyy more who have sold their souls (and songs) to commercialists!

No work and no play makes xuni sad and an indolent being.

Today's song:

The following song is not the type I usually listen to, but somehow for reasons unknown to this writer as well, she feels she can relate to this one =p

Bleeding Love


Closed off from love
I didn’t need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you’re frozen

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy

But I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

Trying hard not to hear
But they talk so loud
Their piercing sounds fill my ears
Try to fill me with doubt
Yet I know that the goal
Is to keep me from falling

But nothing’s greater
Than the rush that comes with your embrace
And in this world of loneliness
I see your face
Yet everyone around me
Thinks that I’m going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don’t care what they say

I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open

And it’s draining all of me
Oh they find it hard to believe
I’ll be wearing these scars
For everyone to see

I don’t care what they say
I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
I keep bleeding
I keep, keep bleeding love
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love
You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

-Leona Lewis

Today's thought

Man proposes, God disposes.


Happy Pakistan Day to all.

An unprecedented break

My readers have surely missed me and so have I. First it was my pc that went out of order and then it was me. Though still struggling with my illness, I am finally able to sit in front of pc and write about this ordeal.

Spending a week in a hospital was nothing less than a worst nightmare. What appeared to be a simple case of acute bronchitis, turned out to be an infection in my lung. My fragile body was attacked by some hideous virus and other microorganisms which luckily, were uncovered before they were able to fully surface. But the damage had been done because it’s almost been a month now since I was discharged from the hospital but recovery, contrary to my expectations, is quite slow. At one point it seemed that I won’t be able to pull thru. What I went thru at hospital was quite painful and depressing. As I see my scarred arms I recall the times when nurses searched for veins and sometimes arteries, to drain blood from my body. Ironically, I never felt that bad about self-mutilating. Anyways, that was the time when hopelessness and depression had completely engulfed me. My soul suffered more than my body as it always had. Although people there tried to show me the light but I was too blinded, by tears of suffering, that I couldn’t see it. All around me was misery and agony and I realized that humanity, at large, was suffering. Their hardships and distress increased the intensity of my pain. Even I felt death and I thought may be God wants me.

May be I deserved that. What else do you expect when you have been in a state of deep depression for five months – living on junk food; extreme addiction to caffeine; insomnia? Though not on surface, but my entire body system has become atrophied from long neglect. May be it will take couple of months to get back to normal life but I am happy that I m getting better day by day.

As life goes on, hope lives on.

Love you all.

"Poetry begins with delight and ends in wisdom"
-Robert Frost

Today's Quote

"Three passions, simple but overwhelmingly strong, have governed my life: the longing for love, the search for knowledge, and unbearable pity for the suffering of mankind. These passions, like great winds, have blown me hither and thither, in a wayward course, over a great ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair."
-Bertrand Russell

I have got a lot of useless knowledge in my head.

Forget, forget thy dreams.

I know it's a bit late to make a post about New Year, somehow, I didn't feel like celebrating… with so much suffering around us, it didn't seem to be worth it. I swear to God, this year we have just about had enough.

No resolutions for this year as well 'cuzz I hardly keep any.

My recent indulgences:

 Staying up whole night till 5 am and sometimes 6
 Watching every movie they show on hbo and showmovies
 Consuming coffee
 Downloading the books I want to read from internet, then realizing that reading from computer is painful so better go and buy them.

Well, I do resolve to change my dissolute course of life. Staying home has transformed me into an indolent being. By the way, watching striking poses of Ms. Bhutto on all channels for a week, made me gather that she was indeed pretty. :)

I just hope that we all have it in our hearts to help those in need, whether it is your maid who is too sick to come for work, a child who is searching for food in rubbish, the homeless man who is living on the corner of your street, or even just being a good role model to those who look up to you. If we all do our part to be good people, the world will definitely be a better place.

Happy New Year.

Love.

I went to school today, though not early… at around 11. All schools were closed except our unique school. Many teachers showed up but not all. Things seemed to be back to normal in the morning. Assuming that mourning period is over, most of the shops were opened. The deserted roads became little populous with transports. Except for few most people went to offices also. But at around Zohr prayer time, we heard gunshots and came to know that all neighboring shops were being forced to shut down.

We stayed at school for a while to be sure that firing was over and then set off for home. Since I didn't take the main route because of possible danger, so while moving thru the lanes of residential area I saw a crowd of women around the fruit and vegetable sellers – it’s the end of the month and people are running out of groceries, there were bunch of kids and teens in every lane who seemed worried and almost everyone appeared to be talking on cell phone…. uncles on terrace, teens outside houses and were staring at me in wonder where this girl is heading to in such horrible situation!

Karachiites are going thru worst period of their lives. Never had been situation such horrendous as been after Bhutto's assassination. Ugly scars of violence are spread across the city… because this southern region is dominated by Bhutto's supporters.

And as the darkness completely engulfs the city, I can feel the emotion of Pakistan's loss in the cold breeze of night.

I wish our politicians had been foresighted enuff to envisage this all but then… they wouldn't be our country's politicians!

May her soul rest in peace!

So, she has been laid down to rest in her grave. The entire world watched and witnessed how loved and respected she was by the people here. Her party was practically the people's party – the only party in Pakistan that has his roots among people – unlike other ones that were originated from establishment or military.

I am neither her supporter nor of her ideologies, I am not even gonna vote for her party but as a human I believe that nobody deserves to be killed like that… no matter how bad, corrupt or whatever they are. God is up there to judge us all. As a person, I do admire her because of her education, intellect and other interpersonal skills.

And of course, it's clear that it was a deliberate cold-blooded murder by the notorious military agencies that were involved in murders of her brothers as well… that never wanted democracy to foster in our country… but this military establishment should know that the lacuna created by her death will keep widening with time – the repercussions of which might prove disastrous in future.

P.S. Everybody knows that Al-Qaeda's involvement story was a crap fed to the media.

Back to my old template as the new one needs more work… I have to make it more user-friendly as many readers had difficulty in reading posts because of the small font size and and undistinguishable color.

The year 2007 has been very unfortunate for Pakistan. What a tragic way to enter 2008! People were shocked first and then when it gradually sank in, they started mourning.
Families are glued to their seats in front of TV sets trying to make sense of all the mess. Everybody, even, who is not remotely interested in politics, is deploring the loss of Ms. Benazir Bhutto.

New Year parties are cancelled, brides are still in parlor – there is no way they can come out, weddings are ruined, panic-stricken families are desperately trying to connect to their members and thanks to the establishment for jamming the mobile signals! Along with the whole country, most of the areas of Karachi are in complete darkness as most of the street lights have been broken by the agitated mob.

A highly educated and intellectual person – an internationally acclaimed lady, first lady prime minister of Muslim world – pride of our country and what a calamitous unnatural death she met! No wonder, she was admired all over the country. South Asian leaders are known for getting brutally murdered and sadly, Bhutto family proved to be more unfortunate than Gandhi family. The reason I am mourning her death is that our country is getting devoid of educated and artistic people.

Poor jiya! Her wedding is ruined! At around 7 pm, I was heading towards her place when on the way, near main road I met a hysterical woman who signaled me to pull over and asked where I was going in such a horrible situation. I told her that my friend is getting married; I am going to her house because at this time she must be on her way to home from parlor. It was then she told me that Ms. Benazir has been assassinated and the situation is really critical and urged me to go back home. And I was like NO!!! Then her other family members appeared and explained. I returned home straightaway and on the way I tried calling jiya and saadi but the signals were jammed. My dad had to attend his nephew's valima but of course, it's been postponed.

The msn and facebook nicks make me realize that what a tired and desperate nation we have become!

Where is our happiness gone?

Today's Quote

Books are not lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves
– Gilbert Highet

Ohhh. I am wrapped warm in my little blanket and they are playing old rock songs on the radio, such good ones, led zeppelin, tool, foo fighters, and I don't want to step out of my comfort zone (pun intended :D) and break this moment.

And I have got Chekhov's Essential Plays on my lap and page 122 onwards, as marked by my bright-red liberty books bookmark, I can start to enjoy his third play Three Sisters before going to the land of Nod.

Jingle bells, jingle bells... jingle all the way!

Finally! Eventually!!! I am here with my new blog template... spent whole day messing with the html code. After working on it for 12 hours I am done now.... okay, i watched movie for approx two and half hours in between... :D. Well, still this template needs pruning which I'll do later. Right now I am very sleepy... so I am off to hit the sack now.

And before I forget, a merry xmas to all the christians out there.

We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
We wish you a Merry Christmas
And a happy New Year

Goodnight!

Led Zeppelin Reunion

Led Zeppelin return to the stage

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7135200.stm

This is the best news so far... with selling an estimated of 300 million albums the band is regarded as the first heavy metal band and one of the best rock bands of all times. They incorporated rockabilly, reggae, soul, funk, jazz, classical, Celtic, Indian, Arabic, pop, Latin, and country in their rock-infused blues and folk genres.

After 26 years of disbanding, on December 10, 2007 the surviving members of Led Zeppelin reunited for the Ahmet Ertegün tribute show at The O2 in London.

Me and U talking about band's reunion:

me: members of led zeppelin got reunited
U: good! we'll have more stairways :p
me: yeah, to hell :p
U: no, we've got high speed elevators for that ;)

Here goes their greatest hit: Stairway To Heaven

There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying the stairway to heaven
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying the stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven
Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it makes me wonder

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking
Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it really makes me wonder

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forests will echo with laughter

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May Queen
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
And it makes me wonder

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him
Dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our souls
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll

And she's buying the stairway to heaven

Coming back from Jiya's (Juvaria) mayon…. will upload pics later … am feeling tired and lazy to do that now

Imbued with shades of yellow, scented with sweet-smell of night-jasmines and roses – coming from gajras wriggling in soft wrists, tuned with melodic wedding songs…. the atmosphere was calling for celebration…. festivity was in the air and with every breathe the hearts bloomed with joy.

Happiness, my readers, is heartbeats harmonizing with the beats of dhol.

Mosques have become one of the most suitable places for suicide bombing in Pakistan. Along with goats and cows, around fifty humans were immolated today!
I wish I could hunt down those slayers who use young and innocent kids for suicide bombing and make sure they are stoned to death on Haj along with satan.

May Allah bless the souls of those who lost their lives in suicide bomb blast in mosque at Charsadda, Peshawar and punish those who are responsible for that!

Eid Greetings

Of all the texts I got for eid, this is one is the best :D.

May this eid blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah… So EID MUBARAK =p.

Wish you all a very blessed Eid!

Impulsive shopping is so therapeutic if only my parents could understand this! =D.

My new Capri pants with a white post-man style shirt and a stylish pair of boots to go with….. here I go lala laaa lalah!

Our computer lab can be used as a studio for photography, a makeshift salon and even a disco club depending upon our moods… =p. Today we took around 200 pics considering the fact that me, muskan and sab won't be joining after eid vacations. The photo session continued almost whole day.

We bade farewell to each other amidst hugs and tears. My administrator even asked me to take back my resignation.

Despite of the fact that couple of my colleagues was real bitches; I had some real good time over there. The place was like my second home. We had stayed there till night….. whether we had to organize students' week, annual result day, farewell or welcome parties or other social events. Color day, Valentine's Day, Basant, somebody's birthday any other special day… we were the first and the foremost ones to mark it by wearing same colored dresses. Shopping and dressing up together for the occasion and texting each other at late hours to bring matching stuff…. it all was so much fun! It seemed like we were the students as once a mother commented that the picnic appeared to be arranged for the teachers after looking at the pictures.

And my students, they are so adorable. I still remember the way they used to thank me for helping them in their skits and plays and even their parents. And the days when they used to come to my place for project work….. my house had seemed to have gotten a life with them making noise and cracking jokes. And they were so excited about coming to their teacher's home. LOL!

It wasn't until 5 pm when I left the school with bittersweet memories.

Sajni

These days all TV and radio channels are rocking with Jal's new video Sajni. More than the song, it's the video which makes me watch it over and over again. Hats off to Bilal Lashari for his great work of imagination and art. It's simply amazing! I like the background scenery that depicts nature in a very artistic way. Inspired by fairytales, the video is very enchanting.

These lines got stuck in my head

Sajni paas buloa na, k dil ab toota hai
Sajan maan jao na, k wo rootha hai

Today just wasn't my day!

I am one of those weirdest species who would drink coffee even when the temperature is 40 degree Celsius and eat ice cream when the temperature is close to freezing point.

In bed, down with flu =(

Today's Quote

He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money

-Benjamin Franklin

Karachi had first spell of winter rain today. A light December drizzle lifted our spirits. The weather is cheery or is it me? Got three days off so will be making the most of them. I feel light as leaf and my soul is floating freely. Soon I'll be leaving a world behind and stepping into another as the New Year begins. I was almost into tears when kids asked me to stay.

Winter brings a lot to reminisce…. carrying thousand emotions in cold breeze.
Sitting on bed, wrapped in warm clothes and covered with a blanket, with a classic in a hand and mug of coffee in other.... a perfect modus operandi to while away lonely winter nights.

New Year is around the corner and for some reasons, I feel like singing this Bryan Adam's song:

It's a new world - it's a new start
It's alive with the beating of - young hearts
It's a new day - it's a new plan
I've been waiting for you
Here I am

And now, ladies and gentlemen!!! Here is the link to my first ever public interview:

Here I am :D

I am on cloud number 9 ;)

Invigilation

It's totally inhumane to make kids sit transfixed at their seats for an hour and half. But I don't think I had choice. They were done with the paper in about an hour and after that, they were dying to communicate with their peers. At least, their teacher should have considered the time duration. An hour and half was enough.

I had told them to sleep or think about some good stuff they would be doing after exams but children, unlike us, prefer physical activities over mental. After a while they would raise their heads and look around for a chance to talk to classmates. They didn't realize the gravity of situation until I had written minus five on one's paper.

Their restless nature made me reminisce about the carefree and restless soul I once had. Time brings about a big change in us. Life becomes full of care and it becomes hard for us to retain our childlike qualities. Growing up is bad. We should prevent our children from growing up.

Celebrity at school

He's such a cutie! Hardly a month old BUT more popular than any OII or OIII girl, loved by teachers and students equally, apple of everyone's eye especially the vice-principal.

Yeah, he was discovered in the morning by me and N. Hungry and cold... he was shivering and running wildly. We took him to our computer lab where he was fed and sheltered and of course, photographed... by the three enthusiastic photographers: me, mehr and marium =p

He had a pretty big family that used to live at the backside of the school but sadly, the family members couldn't be found anywhere. Currently, he's at the mercy of montessori kids who try to crush him with their shoes... poor thing! So, muskan has become his guardian and so have many other teachers... LOL!

Any suggestions for the name?

Breaking The Habit

This song struck home.

It's good to be bad sometimes though. =p

memories consume
like opening the wound
i'm picking me apart again
you all assume
i'm safe here in my room
[unless i try to start again]
i don't want to be the one
the battles always choose
cause inside i realize
that i'm the one confused

i don't know what's worth fighting for
or why i have to scream
i don't know why i instigate
and say what i don't mean
i don't know how i got this way
i know it's not alright
so i'm
breaking the habit
tonight

clutching my cure
i tightly lock the door
i try to catch my breath again
i hurt much more
than anytime before
i had no options left again

i don't want to be the one
the battles always choose
cause inside i realize
that i'm the one confused

i don't know what's worth fighting for
or why i have to scream
i don't know why i instigate
and say what i don't mean
i don't know how i got this way
i know it's not alright
so i'm
breaking the habit
tonight

i'll paint it on the walls
cause i'm the one at fault
i'll never fight again
and this is how it ends

i don't know what's worth fighting for
or why i have to scream
but now i have some clarity
to show you what i mean
i don't know how i got this way
i'll never be alright
so i'm
breaking the habit
breaking the habit
tonight

Active volcano

I am not in my best moods these days. I get flared up easily. People have started noticing but I had noticed it well before anyone else had. May be it's the anger boiling up inside. I feel like I can't take anymore. Controlled rage, suppressed anger, withheld feelings – all these are erupting like lava from a volcano.

This is something that shouldn't happen. I had worked quite hard to learn self-control but I think we live in a cruel wicked world. People try your patience to no limit! My obnoxious colleague knowing my weakness doesn't miss a chance to vex me. Sadly, I have become hyper – sensitive also. Tears fill my eyes when I get comments that I am over reacting.

My coordinator called in and complained to mom about my attitude. Oh! Please, cut me some slack! I have been ill for quite a while and I have to finish all piled up work. I have to deal with cold attitudes of you people who assumed that I am not prone to making mistakes. Thank God, my mom understands all this!

I am really really happy that I have resigned… this is something I should have done two months before but unfortunately, I am not kind of person who gives up easily. I looked at my old pics and it's sad to discover that I have lost very much of my freshness and glow and spirit. Courtesy my colleagues and this work place!

So, we are now out of commonwealth. Though emergency rule is not justified but the way things are happening here, I don't think any so-called democratic party would have been able handle it better than Musharraf. We need a person who can rule with an iron hand. Bhutto was the only true politician we had. He had political vision and foresight which many politicians including his daughter, don't have. Sadly, he is history now. Our politicians today can't see anything beyond their personal interests. There is no such word as 'national' in their dictionary. Musharraf, apparently a dictator, has contributed a lot in nourishing democracy in Pakistan. He introduced mayoral system and for the first time, we really have educated people in the cabinet. There has been a growth in financial sector and economy has expanded at its fastest clip. Macroeconomic environment has gained more strength while this government has paid attention to microeconomic finance as well. Anyone who has lived in Pakistan in 90's decade considers Musharraf's regime progressive than the previous regimes.

I can only hope that commonwealth leaders reconsider their decision of suspending Pakistan's membership.

Happy Birthday, Farhat!
Let's cherish our seven years old friendship. Thanks for sticking to me thru all good and bad times :). Luv ya!

You know you are overworked when you wake up in the morning and realize that it's your friend's birthday who you forgot to call last night. You end up texting her with dozen apologies when you get a reply: thank you but its tomorrow =p

xunz: (in class) what date is today?
kid 1: it's 22nd
xunz: 22nd? Are you sure?
other kids: yes, ma'am! Today is 22nd.
xunz: *looks confused* wasn't it supposed to be 23rd today?...

later…
checks her cell and sees F's text:

F: thanks a dozen for waking up at 6 am, my birthday is tomorrow!
xunz: I'm so sorry…. I confused the dates :$
F: no honey, you broke all the records by wishing 18 hours earlier =p.
xunz: yeah, I'm known for that =D.

Dead tired!

Goodnight.

My work place makes sure that I am surrounded by at least one person that makes me feel very very miserable. And at school it is none other than psycho freak N !!! She's a real cunning bitch! Plus unlearned and ignorant! I can't stand her spiteful behavior. She maneuvers things in such a way that you cannot comprehend. I wish I were shrewd like her. Why do nice people like Mamira quit school soon while snide ones like N and Sab, stay for long? O' Lord! Please have mercy!

Did I tell anyone that I resigned because of her? Fucking bitch!

P.S. I am feeling much better now =p

The air is filled with sweet pleasant aroma of roses. Red, yellow, magenta roses along with white blooming tulips surrounded with fresh green buds and combined with their floral fragrance – this presents a sight of vernal bloom. Wrapped in lavender sheet and tied with pink ribbons that flutter with wind; this bouquet attracted attention of many.

It's impossible that you enter my room without gaping at this beautiful rose bouquet on the glass stand. It was given to me by my student Hamna today. My colleagues were quite fascinated by it. Some teachers asked if it was my birthday today. As for Hamna, the girl is really cute! She has great artistic and writing skills. I still have her self-composed poems and drawings. Besides, she is known for doing everything neatly. Only if I could put her picture here. Oh! How much I am going to miss her!

P.S. I will try to put pictures of all my students on this blog so that I will not forget them. I can even look back and recall how pleasant my life was with them.

Back!

Finally, I have resigned from the school. My notice period will end on December 2. Believe me; I feel much at ease now. My resignation created quite a stir in school management and colleagues speculated about reasons of quitting job. Who cares? LOL!

I see that I haven't blogged since quite a while and my readers have missed me. Now that, I have made some friends here in this blogosphere ….its feels great actually =). Nothing new happened in past 20 days except that I was ill. Life seems to be dragging on and I am desperately looking forward to December holidays. Also, Juvaria, is getting married at the end of December. Since I'll be free, I am really excited about it. The sad part is that she'll leave for UK in Jan. I have very few friends in this big world and I will miss her very much. Besides, Mamira is also going to New Zealand in June. I feel that I will be left alone once again.

I will be joining another school from Jan 1st, InshaAllah…. will miss my old students though. That’s how it goes. People come and people go…. and we keep moving on.

To quit or not to quit.... that's the question!

Blogging from school....

I have got a class after 15 mins and I am feeling sleepy =(.
Yesterday, I slept like a baby... slept in the evening at 4 and woke up at 8 then slept again at 11 and woke up at 6 in the morning. Considering my over-sleeping rate i think i need another hibernation period. =p

So true for my boss!

Tomorrow is off.
Tomorrow is off.
Tomorrow is off.

Yaaayyy!!! Thank you Benazir! =p

No wonder, our politicians are the best entertainers!

Eid Mubarak

Mehndi, choorian, colored dupattas, smart attires, an air of celebration and joy – all these are the constituents of Eid.

A happy and blessed Eid to all!

Kahan Hai Tu

Just watched ep's video kahan hai tu on the musik, it makes me sad that the band is not anymore. We had a really cool rock music scene in 2003-04 with ep, noorie and fuzon; rocking the whole nation, even our neighbor also. How cool were the days – singing aloud all ep and noorie songs while sitting together or walking up to the uni gate, spending hours and hours online at their forums, waiting for their gigs and all, listening to their songs million times while studying… life surely, was a bliss! Because of these guys cosmopolitan karachiites actually started watching paki channels. These guys did not only set trends by their videos but also proved that there is more to music than love duets about the fairer sex.

I really miss ep; their music had substance and depth which, many mainstream bands don't have. Of course, the credit goes to xulfi as ep was his brain child but sadly, xulfi is also responsible for band's breakup. Well, the call also rocks but now, we are at the mercy of our pop singers once again – their cheesy songs and glossy videos is all we have to put up with.

Roz roz yeh fasley
Lamha lamha barhney lagey
Bekhudi keh who raastey
Aur hum usee par chal diye

Soch ke saari who batein
Hum usee pe roh diye
Aaj to yeh haal hai
Keh zindagi hum pai hansey

Yeh zindagi teray wastey
Yeh himmat meray haath mein
Yeh chehray meray chehray pai
Yeh saansey

Dheeray Dheeray yeh zindagi
Nafraton mein kho gayee
Yeh aasmaan aur yeh zameen
Aaj hai to kal naheen

Yeh zindagi teray wastey
Yeh himmat meray haath mein
Yeh chehray meray chehray pai
Yeh saansey

Kahan Hoon Mein
Kahan Hai Tu
Kia Hai Yeh Zindagi

Kahan Hoon Mein
Kahan Hai Tu
Kyoon Hoye Ajnabee

Living in the world of hypocrisy
The lies and the deceit
The one who shall rule us all
Will be the one and only one

Watch out! The lyrics that I flow
On your marks... get set go
I’m a white boy comin straight from the L town
Keeping it real I’m a spawn of the underground
I’m the one you hate I’m the one you fear
I’m the voice that whispers inside your ear
Cut ya open deep inside
When ya know what I speak everything is right
Freedom is all that counts
The more you push me the more I'll bounce
Bounce, bounce I said bounce boy
To Base to the kick to the rhythm I deploy
Where ya gonna run where ya gonna hide
When I grab the microphone I say what I like
We're the people of the never ending breed
I am what I am and I am free.

Kahan Hoon Mein
Kahan Hai Tu
Kia Hai Yeh Zindagi
Kahan Hoon Mein
Kahan Hai Tu
Kyoon Hoye Ajnabee

Goodbye Inzi

So, we all bade farewell to Inzi amidst claps and tears. It was a heartbreaking moment to watch him deliver his speech. Sixteen years of cricket history seemed to be contained in that moment. My dad was so touched when he requested robin to speak in urdu to the crowd. Many were on the verge of tears including yours truly. I was hoping he would break miandad's record but then as he said that his heart was so full that the match seemed really difficult today. Yeah, we are a passionate and an emotive nation.

No wonder, he is a cricket legend – we wish him all the best! May Allah bless him!

Back to school

I went to school on Monday after a week off and trust me, I felt good. The only thing I like about this school is my students. It makes your heart burst with happiness when little kids come and ask about your health. Not to mention the plethora of eid cards and teacher's day cards I got. Even my old students brought me cards. Children are strange, interesting little creatures. The more I am strict with them, the more they seem to like me.
May be it's because I talk about their favourite things during free units and take interest in their activities. Trust me; I know all about their favourite cartoons, movies, books, tv shows – indoor, outdoor, computer, play station games. LOL!

Finally, I am breathing again. As time passes, you learn to live with all the hard facts. Though I have nothing to cherish, nothing to hope for – nothing… but to live for present. Well, it's not bad after all… who knows how long I am going to live? =)

And I got 7 days off for eid holidays… this calls for celebration!

It sounds funny when you come to know that some people are still joining orkut…yes, when the majority of the population has moved to face book. After discovering that my IT colleagues didn't know about gmail, orkut (forget mirc, blogs, youtube, firefox, froogle etc etc), I have come to realize that there are people (mostly around me, unfortunately) who are way too behind the time. Living in an Asian third world country, you can expect this though at times, it becomes annoying beyond endurance!

Did I say that I am quitting my job?

Tears keep filling up my eyes, though I have cried pretty much already. Why do I have to go thru all kinds of pain? Few days ago, I said that I won't be able to survive if I have to live my life over again but now I think I don't have enuff strength left to search for the last hope to go on.

People shrouded in lies and falsehoods, kaleidoscope into oblivion, I keep tumbling around those unknown truths and known 'untruths' that have entangled tender threads of my soul but like a mute, I bear it all... without being able to speak up for myself.

Sorrow grows on your soul like fungus and consumes it like parasite – crumbling your very existence with in. People so close – yet so distant, finally disappear into infinite darkness as the distance widens. What surrounds me is a labyrinth of inarticulate facts, lingering doubts, fears and insecurities clouding my mind. Everything seems so hazy and confusing. Dreams appear so clear and at hand – realities so vague and remote….. like in a state of reverie. So lost and hurt, I want to creep inside my hole. With eyes closed, I wish I could rest in the arms of Morpheus!

As friendless after eighteen years, as lone as on my natal day
Emily Bronte (I am the only being, 1836)

Today's thought

If wishes were horses....



If wishes were horses,
beggars would ride
If turnips were swords,
i'd wear one by my side
If 'ifs' and 'ands' were pots and pans,
there'd be no need for tinkers' hands"

Why am I finding it hard to accept that I am one unlucky soul?
Trust me, if I have to live my life over again, I don't believe that I could survive it.

Can I have my razor blade please?

Rapid fire!

Tagged by muskan. Fill in with whatever comes in your mind.

Love: - abstract
Life: - sucks
Hot: - George Clooney nowadays
Desire: - dreams
Pain: - unbearable
Unforgettable: - memories
Dearest: - friend
Latest crush: - Pepsi
Me: - honest

We lost =(

We fought back....we were soooo close to victory BUT!!!
Sadly Pakistan lost AGAIN! But we played well... it was just plain bad luck that Misbah-ul-Haq got out. Yeah, one man against whole indian team or to quote Ramiz "Misbah-ul-Haq vs. India" =p. He rocked!!! I think the guy deserves tremendous praise and just a medallion won't do that.

Pakistani team made a great come back after getting knocked out in the last world cup. We won against aussies and made it to the final which is, quite an achievement. But losing match against your rival country is always a bitter experience for a proud nation like us. Anyways, according to the statistics, we have never won against India in world cups since 1975. Sigh!!! So much for this T20 world cup!

Out of three sixty five days a year, three sixty days I remain ill due to flu. This time it was stomach that got really upset. Well, now that I am getting better, I realize it wasn't bad after all. Spent three days at home and believe me it was a relief! I did nothing except for reading or watching tele. I guess that's what I needed – a break from my school's politically charged environment. My colleagues were giving me hard time AGAIN and even muskan appeared to be diplomatic. Sometimes, I think about resigning and take a short professional break just like vea. I intend to join mimi's school. It's a small primary school but would suit me. They have few kids as it was opened recently and the environment is relaxing. I feel that I am not ambitious anymore or may be because of my bitchy colleagues, I feel like I am getting wasted. I can't start a new activity for my students without tackling their resistance and opposition. The only reason I am sticking to this school is because of my students. But nobody should be dedicated like me. We live in a cruel mean world.

The other reason for me becoming less ambitious is that my rukhsati is bit uncertain. I can't think of starting something that I cannot finish. Sometimes, I wonder about my future. I don't understand what I really want, to establish career? Or to settle down?

I wish I could make things go my way. Only if wishes were horses…

I wish I could

Tell N that:

• She is suffering from inferiority complex because me, being of the same age, is more accomplished than her. =)
• I am a graduate, not someone who flunked in intermediate exams which makes her only matric qualified, and got job on merit not by flaunting and flattering my employer.
• I have a purpose in life not like her whose sole purpose is to get dressed and discuss other's life.
• I mind my own business unlike her who is nosy and is always criticizing others.
• I hate people with impaired English! (So, please don't text me asking what does means ejaculation? Ha!)

I hate people with 'holier than thou' attitude. In fact, I despise them and wish they could die soon. Why don't people just mind their own business?

My colleague N, apart from being an illiterate paindoo wannabe, is extremely judgmental especially when it comes to me! She never misses a chance to show animosity towards this humble being. What she said today was kinda expected from her. She called me Christian just because I don't pray and fast. Duh! Look, who is talking! I mean, seriously! Two years ago she was as pagan as me. Now, that her 'boy friend' has converted her into Muslim, she thinks she is the holiest of all. Will somebody please tell her that having a boy friend is not considered sacred in Islam? I wish I could be more assertive. Wish could her tell that God, up there, doesn't judge people until their lives are over.

Yesterday was parent–teacher conference at school. It was same as the previous four ones except that this meeting was scheduled quite early. I had nothing to discuss with parents as there had been no tests at school to assess kids' performance. For parents of new girls, it was an introductory meeting. The meeting went smoothly except of for one girl's father who talked in a very ill-mannered way for punishing his daughter. That man was a loser! He didn't even let me speak and was talking bullshit. He went like I am paying huge amount of money for my daughter and blah blah. SO??? I mean, seriously it has nothing to do with me! And he didn't stop at that. He started assaulting verbally ma'am R, in presence of her nieces =p, just because I took her daughter to madam's office and she punished her. I had no option but to defend ma'am R. God forgive me for saying that ma'am R is actually a very polite and sweet lady! =D After I had enuff of his crap, I lost my patience (though not cool) and reminded him politely that his beloved daughter is actually repeating the class since she flunked badly in her majors. My readers, you should have seen his face! Now what would you expect from an illiterate moron? A pathetic excuse! O' yes! According to him it was due to the teachers that his child flunked. LMAO!

When he left, I was totally ticked off. I was in no mood to talk to anyone but parents kept coming to me till 2 pm though meeting was supposed to be over at 1 pm. Most parents, who wanted to see me, were of grade 4 girls, partly because I am their new computer instructor and partly because of my strict attitude. I told them that my teaching style is a little bit different as it emphasizes more on concepts than written notes. Honestly, this new batch of grade 4 consists of spoil brats! Their previous computer teacher was quite professional and she didn't bother to work on child's understanding of computer. Besides, she wasn't a bit interested in maintaining class discipline. The kids roam, talk and drink water even when the teacher is present. I am having difficult time with these girls. I lose my temper quickly when I am teaching them. Besides, I explained to parents that why they should let their girls use internet at home. Their apprehensions were typical ones but after my reasoning many of them agreed. I was happy for the meeting turned out to be productive in the end. Samahir's mom loved me for solving her child's communication problem. I told her to buy a journal for her so that she can write down her feelings.

When meeting was over, meher and I discussed that discourteous father as he censured meher also for marking late work in his child's copy. My throat was dry and my voice was hoarse. I had talked constantly for four hours. Before leaving school we had a talk with management and I happily told ma'am R, the wonderful things the father said about her. =p

Books I bought:

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall – Anne Bronte
The Age of Innocence – Edith Wharton
Of Love and Other Demons – Garcia Marquez
Madame Bovary – Gustav Flaubert
Villette – Charlotte Bronte
Principle Centered Leadership – Stephen Covey

I am happy today. Things are getting better at school though not people. Can you imagine? Fifteen or twenty days before, I was totally messed up…. trying hard to hold on. At one point, I felt like killing myself or may be it was flu that was killing me or may be it was stress, whatever! Who cares anyway? Life is just a series of ups and downs … with prolonged down phases and short up ones (which leads me to the conclusion that life is a bitch =p). And since I am lucky enough to have this spell of good fortune, I'll try to make the most of it.

Why is everybody ignoring me? =(

Happy Birthday, Mamira

As we mark your birthday, I can't help cherishing the beautiful moments that spring from the fountains of our friendship. Can't believe that four months ago, we were totally strangers working at the same place and prolly hating each other =p (we belonged to two rival groups) and now that, we are friends, it seems like we have known each other for ages. This goes out to you, along with the birthday cake, of course! =D

Our friendship adds light
to the shadows of living
it shares the rich bounty
and harness of giving

it leads us remember
and never forget
the treasure of faith sent
long ago when we met

Things I didn't do yesterday:

1. Stayed at home
2. Saved money (Oh! Books are so expensive)
3. Checked copies (no, no … no)
4. Worked on my planner (sigh!)
5. Wrote articles (been procrastinating since long)
6. Danced at farewell (I so wanted to! There should some place for teachers' performance)

Happy Moments

• Spending whole day with a friend who understands you (that's mimi)
• Shopping for books from liberty
• Realizing that you have enough books that can last for 6 months
• Knowing that someone you hate was humiliated by the students at farewell (you know who I am talking about)

A minute of silence:

For all those who got killed in bridge-collapse near PAF Masroor Base. Another incident proving insensitivity of our government officials, I wish they were there, driving, when it collapsed. Seriously! I wish the people concerned had taken proper quality control measures in construction of the bridge. I wish no heavy vehicle had been allowed to pass over.

It's sad that we were hanging out, shopping and partying when others were mourning over the deaths of their dear ones, but this is how it goes. Still I feel bad for them especially those who got mutilated. Life will be never same for them. I wish for silver lining in this heavy cloud of gloom and despair.

Sometimes reality strikes you hard. Acceptance becomes difficult. Not that my life is not fucked up already, I have: parents who don't understand me or they don't want to, colleagues who are bitchy as ever, dreams that have been shattered and crushed, a flu that is consuming me and has left me atrophied. But these are not enough for Him, up there! More miseries, that's what I am fated to have. Its moments like these I need razor blade for reassurance.

People say, on this shab-e-barat, our kismet is decided and responsibilities are assigned to angels to carry out things as been determined. In my case, I can safely assume that more hardships will be added in my lot in life. I am cursed! No hope to go on. I just don't want to live anymore.

I want to

A solitary walk at terrace

On this full-moon night the cloudy starless sky seems to be glowing with life. The terrace is bathed in milky moonlight giving it a picturesque view. How beautiful the night is indeed, with cool zephyr twirling my hair and blowing my mind. A thousand thoughts originated and were carried away by the wind.

Wireless communication is a wonderful thing. Having an insightful conversation with someone you feel connected is a perfect thing to end the day with. Thanks Mimi. =)

Good night!

Six months, twenty-six days. Even being so far apart, he has been an integral part of my life, my daily routine. I probably made the wrong decision. But if it is meant to be, it’ll come together again. Different place, different time.

Finally, I managed to get time to read Jean Sasson's Daughters of Arabia which I burrowed from Mimi a week ago. I am finding it a bit difficult to cope with the added responsibilities of wife and daughter-in-law. Being a daughter, in itself, is quite a tough job in a country like ours. With each passing day, I feel like I am losing a part of myself as the responsibilities of work and family keep pouring in. Maybe that's what growing up is all about. Managing the responsibilities! And I am just in the learning phase.

Pics of Independence Day celebration at our school. Ours, perhaps, was the only school that remained open on 14th (as well as on 15th) to mark this day.

Yom-e-Azadi =)

A beautiful sunny day with shades of green everywhere in sight and a clean blue sky harboring a thousand emotions in its breeze. The air is crisp and as the wind rustles, it carries songs of unsung heroes. Happy Independence Day to all!

Getting organized

Monday morning is going to be the first day of school for most of the kids. The academic session will begin actually (not officially) from 20th of this month. Since I had nothing better to do tonight, I rummaged through my bag and discovered that my school bag is basically a garbage carrier. I cleaned it, threw all empty wrappers of bubble gums and papers, and then loaded it with all school-teacher's paraphernalia.

Things in my bag:

1. A small notebook
2. Stationery
3. A pad of sticky (post-it) notes
4. A pair of scissors
5. Some rubber bands
6. A highlighter
7. A stapler
8. Some paper pins
9. Some painkillers
10. Wallet
11. Stick deodorant
12. An eye pencil and a lipstick... though I rarely use them =p

How true!

Today's Thought

Why waste a perfectly good flower when you know...
he loves you not

Pms-ed

I am feeling down. Every now and then, someone bursts my bubble. I want to creep up into my hole.

I hate people! I wish I could put them in chopper and chop up into million pieces or put them in a cauldron and boil them to death.

Don't know what's wrong with me. Things are far better than before. My birthday rocked. The weather is awesome today. My bitchy colleagues are trying hard to be nice to me. We seem to be getting along well. Still, I feel like hating people. I think I must have been a sadist or serial killer or psychopath in my previous life.

As sis analyzes that when I don't have anything to worry about I go into a state of depression. She infers that since my mind is used to the feelings of tension it cannot cope with the lacuna created by these feelings when tension is relieved.

Well, right now I am not coming down with massive depression. In fact, depression has little to do with the perfectly normal experience of 'feeling a bit depressed'.

I want to fight but people are behaving for a change. I fought with sis and she said sorry to me. I was rude to my husband and he was like ' I'm sorry, I hurt you?' Mother have mercy! What's wrong with the people? 'Its bitchiness personified!' That's what U said. Yeah, I am being bitchy and want to fight. Till then, this song of nirvana rocks:

Load up on guns, bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over bored and self assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

Hello, hello, hello, how low?

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay, a denial

I'm worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end

Hello, hello, hello, how low?

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay, a denial

And I forget just why I taste
Oh yeah, I guess it makes me smile
I found it hard, it was hard to find
Oh well, whatever, never mind

Hello, hello, hello, how low?

With the lights out it's less dangerous
Here we are now, entertain us
I feel stupid and contagious
Here we are now, entertain us
A mulatto
An albino
A mosquito
My Libido
Yay, a denial

It annoys me…..

Why does my husband become smart aleck when his parents are around?

The decision to re-open schools from 9th August by the wise people of education ministry didn't prove to be correct. They had to announce closing schools on Friday due to heavy rainfall that left the city in tatters.

I think this news made my day. What else do you want after staying up whole night talking to friends who called just to wish you? A whole day to sleep! Yeah! Though my plans to go out with friends were ruined along with the city, but it was all good. Sorry, DN I couldn't make it today.

Almost all my colleagues wished me including my rivals also =). Muskan was the first one to call and then it was sheeb, with who I talked for almost an hour. In the meantime, friends keep texting in complaining of course, for keeping phone busy for so long, besides wishing. After that, I logged in to check my scrapbook and wall. Then it was madmax, whose call came as a surprise. I mean, seriously! Of all the people, I wasn't expecting him to call leaving aside wishing me. Some friends! =)

Slept at 4 am, and then woke up at around one, noon. Kept lazing around… more messages… more calls, special messages and special calls from family and family ++, LOL!

P.S. Did I mention birthday treat? =D

Rainy Birthday

As the city was drenched in rain last night, my birth night was drenched by a continuous blizzard of birthday wishes that keep pouring in till 3 a.m.

Thanks and love to all those who remembered and called in or texted =)

And to those who forgot to wish – just don't forget my gift = p.

Today's Quote

Dreams, books, are each a world.

-Wordsworth

God up there is experimenting on my feelings. I am missing someone I barely know. It's strange.

This goes out to you. Sorry, I cancelled your call. It was by mistake.

Dur jo aaj hein
Yaad atey to hein
Khwaab adhoorey sahi
Khwaab saharey to hein

Aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hein
Yaadein teri daaman khenchti hein
Bhool chuke hein jo humein
Yaad atey to hein

Saddiyon k fasle aaj hein darmian
Ho jain magar jitni bhi dooryan

Aap jahan bhi rahein
Aap hamarey to hein
Khwaab adhoorey sahi
Khwaab saharey to hein

Aaj bhi meri rahein rokti hein
Yaadein teri daaman khenchti hein
Bhool chuke hein jo humein
Yaad atey to hein

Jaaney kab milein terey merey raastey
Aas tootey nahi yaad itna rahey

Raat dhalni to hai
Aaney ujaley to hein

---- Khwaab by Junoon