Will it solve the problem?

From toothpaste for dinner

Yay!!!

I got registered at rice bowl journals. Feel good, ... in fact great : )

I have realized that I have consumed a considerable amount of junk food in past 2 weeks. Must cut down on caffeine also. It’s causing pimples. Damn!

Still, my computer desk has two packs of kurleez and a Pepsi can. [:p] Wish I could take picture of current state of the desk. Along with foodstuff; there is a pen - which I’m sure, cannot write; my cell; MS Office cd; a USB; then there are 2 or 3 notebooks; few scratched mobile prepaid cards; and two empty cans of carbonated drink that I consumed last night. Looking at this messy desk, I can’t help recalling that how messy my life used to be once. Though it’s pretty smooth now but I wonder how long this smoothness would last. A few days ago S commented on me for not sharing things with friends, even muskan said that I should be open with friends. May be I’m not ready to trust people yet. I have learned not to share pain and let people know about messiness in my life and that’s the reason I’m happy. After all, sharing it doesn’t lessen the pain or cleans up the mess – it’s individual’s all. No one can understand it or make it better than the person himself. Yes, I have learned the hard way!

Today’s Quote

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them and try to follow them.
-Louisa May Alcott

Tagged by a freind

I am thinking about:
random stuff

I said:
did anyone hear me?

I want to:
· Study mass communication & journalism
· Learn salsa and flamenco
· Travel …in fact fly away to a place where no one knows me
· Make my students accomplished ladies and women of substance

I wish:
· I had more than 24 hours at my disposal
· I had perpetual insomnia
· I had my own library of books
· I could shop more …no shop less, I’m already shopping a lot
· I could be less spontaneous … cuzz even I don’t know what I might do next.
· I could be anonymous

I miss:
some good old days :)

I wonder:
what I will be doing this time, next year

I regret:
· The times when I panicked and lost my cool
· The times when I trusted the wrong people

I hear:
· Music …it lives in my head and rots my brain :P
· Thoughts…. they echo

I am:
· happy (to some extent)
· spontaneous (to very extent)

I dance:
like noone’s watching

I sing:
passionately and terribly off-key lol

I cry:
at pretty much everything

I am not:
· always docile
· a diplomat and can never be…cuzz I hate hypocrites!

I make with my hands:
drawings …nail art

I write:
about loads of stuff

I confuse:
myself

I need:
to really figure my life out

I should try:
to be more honest about my feelings

I finish:
Tasks I start ...unless it’s cleaning my room :D

Here I am, with my upgraded yahoo avatar. It looks groovy representing my new state of mind. After wearing gothic costume for long time, I have decided to give it a change. It’s just a change in outlook. I still have those loyal gothic roots in my heart that cannot be uprooted easily.

Finally, got three days off on account of aashura. No big plans except to sleep. Last two weeks had been horrible. I was overworked and under rested. It reflected in my attitude too. Besides, I was highly pms-ed and threw tantrums at everyone. This doesn’t mean I m using this as an excuse but it was one of the reasons of my going berserk.

A wounded finger, have I
a deep incision, has it
dark red with traces of
dried blood
and pain double
in proportion to a normal winter’s day
withering like a dry leaf
pathetic and hopeless,
appears this finger today
-Zunairah

Connecting people...

It’s so depressing to lie in bed with nothing to do. Well, I rummaged through my inbox, read all the saved messages and then forwarded them to almost everyone in my contact book. After half an hour, I had sent 50 SMSes and my balance showed Rs. 12, which were 85 before I started off.

Today I did something I shouldn’t do. I lost my cool and said stuff I shouldn’t have. I hurt my friends and in turn its hurting me now. I still get flared up easily. I need to work on it. Maybe it was due to anger that’s boiling up inside. I have learnt not to expect anything from people around but then I still get hurt. I am more into my work and myself than I was ever before but it still saddens me when people leave me out. I know it is just another incident but it doesn’t help. I am unable to accept the fact that they did it deliberately. And they want me to open up and share my life with them. Duh!

I have always found it hard to relate to people and it’s something I will never be able to. I’m just that type of person and I don’t want people to intrude. I wish they would care more - but expectations from the people around you are so rarely met; that I would rather treasure what I have rather than expecting something I know noone can understand.

OMG! The students are in love with this brain pop site. It’s an animated educational site for young kids. It contains animated videos explaining different topics concerning various disciplines. Last time I showed them movie that explains working of computer mouse, which was really interesting. The students took online quiz as well. Even Mr. Amin was quite happy when I told him. He is willing to register at this site.

New Year Resolutions

In my introductory classes I explained to students that what a New Year resolution is and its significance in one’s life. After discussion I told them to make their own resolution. No doubt, they came up with some really interesting ones:

• I will take bath daily.
• I will be responsible.
• I will listen to my parents.
• I will not fight with my elder sister.
• I will slap my brother.
• I will dress nicely.
• I will study to make my mother happy.

hmm… what else can you expect from 8 to 10 year old kids?

Don’t we just love our employers for giving us fast net? It’s been six months and I have downloaded around 50 songs (including 5 videos) :D.

tum jab aao gi mujhay khoya hoya pao gi,
mairee tanhayee main khawabon kay siwa kuch bhee nahi.
mairay kamray ko sajanay ki tamanna hai tumhain,
mairay kamray main kitaboon kay siwa kuch bhee nahi.
inn kitaboon main ek ramz hai jis ka mara hoya zehan,
mazda-e-ishrat-e-anjam paa nahi sakta,
zindigee main aaraam paa nahi sakta

Blessed be Mary!

I just stumbled upon this painting of Kretz featuring our demigoddess Miss Jolie, while surfing. The disappointing factor is the portrayal of Angelina as Virgin Mary – I mean come on, she is holding a daughter born out of wedlock and is still virgin?

As for the celebrity worship process, it would be better if she were depicted as Venus or Aphrodite. The beauty and goodness does not equate with divinity. As Blake Gopnik (Washington Post art critic) said, “Once you've deciphered it, there's not much chance of giving it a second look."

I second that.

Same old brand new ME

I love Sundays… in fact I love all holidays but Sunday is somewhat special in a way that all the procrastinated work is completed on Sunday. It’s funny how I simply label the tasks that I don’t wanna do as to be done on Sunday in the hope that someone else would do the work. Above all, StarWorld runs about 5 episodes of The Bold & The Beautiful back-to-back on Sundays.

I am back pretty much to my old self now – happy, shiny, crazy, and full of life. Though future still seems hazy - clouded by my own fears and insecurities but now I can see a silver lining in the clouds.

Scary…isn’t it?

Three days ago I was thinking of tasting blood because I was sure of my vampiredom. I looked at my teeth closely wondering if I had some long pointed canine teeth.

Yesterday I was having an online conversation with Sheeb, when she asked that if I thought she could be spontaneous. It just occurred to me that she might be practicing telekinesis so I asked, “you mean in existence?”

Today I was standing at the terrace in front of full moon hoping if I could get transformed into a werewolf.

Today’s Thought: I am different

If you knew me yesterday,
please do not think that I am the same person that you are meeting today.
I have experienced more of life,
I have encountered new depths in those I love,
I have suffered and prayed...
and I am different.